When Your Time Comes
by twiXlite
Summary: When Bella moves to Forks, she doesn't intend to get mixed up with the local bad boy. With everyone warning her against him she feels compelled to know him. Ignoring the warnings, Bella finds herself drawn deeper into Edward's world than she wanted to go.
1. Prologue

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognised characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. The plot and any characters added in are mine.**_

**_This is a story I've had hidden away in my files for a while. It is already complete in my documents, so it won't interfere with the updating of my other stories. I will be posting two chapter tonight but after that, each chapter will come every other day._**

**_Hope you enjoy._**

_**Prologue**_

The two individuals stood their ground, staring at each other, their breathing heavy and faces flushed with exertion. Their argument was one that neither knew they would win, yet neither would back down.

"But if you just . . . if you just showed people what you've showed me . . ." the girl stood there trying to reason with the boy standing in front of her, wondering if she would ever get through to him. "Then they'd see the real you."

"I don't _want_ anyone to see the 'real me'." He countered, running his hands through his hair, the muscles of his arms straining beneath his shirt.

"Why not?" She stepped towards him, closing the distance by a few feet. She didn't know if there was anyone else around and didn't want to chance anyone from school stumbling on their argument.

Because that's _exactly_ what they needed.

They had been getting so much ridicule from school peers as it was. The Police Chief's daughter friends with the local bad boy and ultimate jerk. It wasn't something her father was impressed with, I'll tell you that much.

"Because I just don't." He sighed, wanting her to just listen to the words he was saying. "Why can't you understand that?"

"Because I don't understand why someone would purposefully wall themselves off from everyone." She countered, her voice rising again. Obviously the earlier thoughts of being overheard weren't a problem anymore. "Why would you do that? Why would you want to sit there and admit to yourself that you have no friends? That the only people you see outside of school are your parents and quite possibly my father?"

"Well, forgive those of us who aren't little social butterflies like you are, Bella." He spat, his hands gripping his hair as he turned away from her, walking away a few feet. "God! You just don't get it, do you?" She shook her head at his rhetorical question, shrugging gently. "You don't get that there's so much shit going on that I just don't want to bring anyone else into it.

"It's not that I don't want friends. Of course I do. Of course I want people to be able to hang out with after school. People to talk to and . . . you know . . . to be someone people go to when they need advice. I want to be that for someone. I want to be able to go out places and _be_ with people, but I can't.

"That's _why_ I'm a jerk to everyone, Bella. That's _why_ I'm an asshole. Because I can't afford to have people getting close to me. At all. Ever. You're the only one I've properly spoken to in years. And I . . . I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what the hell is going on here. I don't have friends because I can't afford to have friends. I don't go out with anyone because I _can't_. And you don't seem to realise that I can't."

"Why not?" She asked softly, walking towards him again. Part of her felt like she was backing him into a corner, taking away his freedom step by step, but she couldn't stand to be away from him. "If you want to there's nothing stopping you."

"Like I said, you don't get it." He whispered, opening his eyes to reveal the level of pain that was encompassing his entire being at that moment in time. He wanted to tell her. He had never wanted to tell anyone so much in his life. But he couldn't. He couldn't do it. He couldn't hurt her in the way she wanted him to.

"No, I don't." Her whisper was as soft as his as she stopped in front of him. "So tell me, Edward. Help me to get it."

"I can't."

"Yes, you can."

Without either of them consenting, their lips connected softly, the fire their argument had lit between them converging into something much more than they had been experiencing moments ago.

Edward knew that he had to tell Bella what was going on. He had known for a while he couldn't keep it a secret from her for long. She would find out eventually. But now he knew that he had to tell her, as soon as possible. And he couldn't keep this up.

It would hurt her too much.

And he couldn't stand to have her hurt.

Because for the first time in a long time, he allowed himself to feel.

. . . . . . . . .


	2. Chapter 1

_****__**Disclaimer: All publicly recognised characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. The plot and any characters added in are mine.**_

_**2 months previous**_

_**Bella**_

"Come on, Bella." I practically cringed at the voice urging me to follow her to the lunch hall. _Why did I ever pay attention to her in the first place?_ "Don't want to be late to lunch, do you?" _Can you be late for lunch?_

Jessica Stanley was nothing short of annoying. She was bouncy and very, very . . . pink. Word to the wise, I can't stand _pink_. She seemed to think that if the dreary world of Forks' High had a Gossip Girl, she would be it. Sorry, Jessica. I don't think that that is really required.

In a town of three thousand people, it wasn't really easy to keep anything a secret anyway. Everyone knew everything about everyone else. Or at least, that seemed to be the general vibe that everyone was giving me. You sneeze and your entire block will know within ten minutes.

Everyone at school seemed to know that I was arriving and on what day. It seemed that my dad hadn't been able to keep his mouth shut ever since I'd decided to give my mom and her new husband, Phil, some time to enjoy their honeymoon period.

The annoying thing was, everyone called me _Isabella_.

I _hated_ Isabella.

It was too formal and it made me feel older than I had always been made to feel throughout my life. While living with my mom, I'd always been the grown-up in the mother-daughter partnership. She was always off doing whatever hare-brained idea had popped into her mind at that particular point in time. She'd always tried to get me involved, but after the 'at home pottery' she'd tried when I was nine, I'd firmly stayed out of it. I wasn't really impressed with the fact that we had to get a new oven.

Don't forget to take into account that a goldfish has a longer memory than my mother and she can't cook worth a damn and you have one little grown up child.

Doesn't mean life wasn't interesting but I'll tell you about that some other time.

"Hey, Bella." I managed to stifle a groan as Mike Newton sidled up beside me, a huge grin on his face. This might be my first day at Forks High, but he had still managed to remind me of a little puppy, like a golden retriever, his blonde hair falling into his eyes as he looked at me, making me feel as though I was on show. "How's your day been?"

"Well, its school, so it can't really be that awesome, can it?" I shot back and he laughed like it was the funniest thing he'd ever heard. I didn't fail to notice the way Jessica shot me a glare at Mike's reaction though. It seems someone had a little crush here.

We entered the lunch room and it didn't escape my notice that practically everyone stopped what they were doing to stare at the new kid. Way to make someone feel welcome, huh? I grabbed a tray and piled it with all sorts of stuff before paying for it and following Jessica and Mike to their table, right in the centre of the cafeteria.

_Great._

And it appears we're doing introductions. "This is Lauren," Mike pointed to a blonde girl who looked more plastic and silicone than actual person, "Tyler," the guy sitting next to her wasn't that much better. He was leery, looking me up and down as he sat there. "James." Now _this_ guy was kind of cute. Apart from the strange look in his eye and the fact that his hair was _way_ too long. Tied up in a ponytail might have looked good twenty years ago, but not so much anymore. "Here we have Ben and Angela." He gestured towards a couple that grinned at me, waving slightly. Finally, some normal looking people. "And this is Victoria." I gave a small smile and she gave me a tight one in return, before scowling and glaring at the guy Mike had introduced as James. Maybe she was pissed at him or something.

"So, how're you enjoying your first day at Forks High, then Bella?" Lauren asked, taking a tiny bite out of a stick of carrot. Clearly no one ever mentioned to this girl that most men actually like curves. Gives them something to grab onto.

"It's been a dreary and boring, but hey, what can I expect from a school in a place where it rains ninety-eight per cent of the time." I shrugged, taking a bite out of my pizza. She looked at the food on my plate with utter disdain and I couldn't help the small smirk that wanted to grace my lips.

Looking behind her I saw four people entering the cafeteria. "Who're they?" I asked, watching the two couples walk over to a table after grabbing trays of food.

"Who, them?" Lauren nodded towards them as they walked past. "I wouldn't bother with them. No one's good enough to sit with them." _Doesn't answer my question of who they are._

"Alright, you see the big guy? Built like a bear?" Apparently, Jessica was the dirt disher around here. Doesn't surprise me. I nodded and she grinned. "That's Emmett McCarty. He's the captain of the football team. Star Quarterback. Never lost a game. The only time we've ever lost a game in the last three years was when he was off school for his grandmother's funeral in Mississippi." Wow, that's a serious winning streak. "The blonde next to him is his girlfriend, Rosalie Hale. She's head cheerleader and a serious ice bitch. Doesn't talk to anyone outside of those three unless she has to. She's done some modelling here and there but apparently, won't take it up as a career. Nobody knows why." I could see why someone would scout her to be a model. Tall, voluptuous, with long blonde hair, I don't think anyone could turn her down. Ever. "The little dark haired girl is Alice Brandon. She's a cheerleader as well, energy like she's on crack. People often wonder if she is because she's always _so_ hyperactive. No one's been able to say whether it's true or not so no one really knows." You mean, _you_ don't know and you're the only one who really cares. "And the blonde boy is Jasper Hale, Rosalie's twin brother. He's head of the basketball team and kind of weird. No one really knows that much about him. He kind of keeps to himself. Oh, and he's dating Alice, so I wouldn't get your hopes up."

"Huh." Well, what an eloquent way to respond after being overloaded with all that information in sixty seconds. I tore my eyes away from the four sitting at the table across from me, looking out the window just as someone walked by.

Well, considering it was lunch, that's not really too much of a surprise, huh?

Seeing him walking past the cafeteria managed to take my breath away. From what I could see he was gorgeous. About six foot tall, he was pale – which was a given in a place like this – his hair a strange colour, probably the colour of a penny. It stuck up all over the place, though it didn't seemed to be styled like that. Organised chaos is what it seemed like.

What he was wearing just made him seem even more inviting. Dark, washed out jeans that hung loose around his legs, with a black t-shirt that clung to him. He had a leather jacket on, hanging open at the front. I couldn't see what was on his feet, but I would have bet any money that they were Doc's. Any money.

"_That's_ Edward Cullen," Jessica whispered in my ear, giggling. "Totally gorgeous obviously, but I wouldn't bother. He doesn't talk to anybody _ever_ and he doesn't date. He's a loner and a complete asshole."

"He's alright to me," Angela interrupted, earning herself a scowl from Jessica.

"That might be so, but to the majority of the population, he's a complete jerk." She spat back and I couldn't help but wonder what the hell was going on with Jessica at the moment. Clearly she didn't like this Edward, but something told me it went further than just a general dislike.

"Please," Lauren rolled her eyes, laughing to herself. "You're still just pissed because he turned you down for the Girls' Choice last year."

"Am not!" _So that's what it was._

"Are they always like this?" I asked Angela quietly and she nodded.

"All the time," Mike chuckled and I jumped, having forgotten he was there completely. "They're always bickering over something. Most of the time it has to do with Cullen. I don't see what the interest in him is anyway."

"You don't?" I raised an eyebrow. Of course Mike would deny seeing what everyone else saw when they looked at Edward. "Please, Mike. Everyone knows the girls' love the bad guy. They're just so much sexier than the good guy."

"That's so true." Angela giggled and Ben gaped at her, his eyes widening. "What?" She shrugged and I laughed at Bens' disbelief. "It's true. Why do you think the bad guys are always played by some dark and sensual guy? Like, oh what's his name? He was in that Fantastic Four film . . ." I raised an eyebrow at her and she shrugged. "Younger twin brothers." I nodded, wondering who she was on about. "He played Cole in Charmed."

"Julian McMahon?" I suggested and she clapped her hands and pointed at me.

"Yes!" I nodded along with her opinion. "He's gorgeous. Am I right?"

"So right." I smiled smugly at Mike who seemed to have deflated with our little chat. "There's something about the bad boy that just can't compete with the good guy. Not quite sure what it is. Maybe it's that sense of danger and the unknown." I shrugged, standing up as the bell rang. "Who knows?"

"What have you got now?" Angela asked, shoving her rubbish in the bin before walking with me to leave the lunch room.

"Um, Biology." I looked up from my schedule and she grinned at me.

"Me too. Come on, I'll show you." She was definitely someone I could get along with. She didn't seem to be one to gossip or bitch about anyone behind their backs. Who would have thought that she would be in the same group as Jessica and Lauren? How the hell did she become and _stay_ friends with them?

Walking into the room, I saw that it was mostly full, only a few spaces being left open. I was sure that this late in the year, they had already been taken, so I made my way over to the teacher, handing him the slip I had to get signed.

"Hello, Isabella. I trust you're getting on okay?" I gave him a nod, not really wanting to strike up a conversation with the teacher just yet. "There's an empty seat next to Edward." He gestured towards a seat on the far side of the room and I looked up to see the only spare seat next to Edward Cullen. Maybe I would get to see if he really was a bad boy or whether he was a good boy dressed bad. I think I just confused myself there.

I made my way down in between the desks, settling myself on the stool next to him. He didn't even acknowledge my presence, which I thought was a bit rude, but there you go. He had a reputation to uphold, remember?

"Right, today, we are starting on a new project." I heard many people in the class groan in frustration. Apparently projects were not appreciated in Washington. "Enough of that. Now, you will each be given a bulb." He held one up, showing us, just in case some of us weren't aware what a bulb was. "You will be working in your seated partners. Now, each of the bulbs is different. It is up to you to discern what it is and then to make it grow. Each one requires a different environment and it is up to you to discover what that is." He started to hand out the different bulbs stating that we could start organising things as soon as we received our bulbs.

"Hi," I said softly, looking at Edward. He glanced at me, but didn't make any other effort to show that he'd heard me. "I'm Bella."

"I know." His answer was harsh, cold and I wasn't sure I liked the way he spoke to me. "And I know Stanley's given you the gossip about how much of a jerk I am, so save it." What the hell? Screw being nice.

"Actually, I was thinking that gossip does nothing but perpetuate rumours that can be harmful to the individual but now I see that that particular piece of gossip might actually be true." I took a deep breath, pushing my anger aside. "But, we have to work together to do this project so . . . maybe we should just focus on that." He nodded as Mr. Banner placed the bulb on our table. "So, how do you want to do this?"

"You have any gardening shit at your house?" He asked, looking at me. I looked into his eyes and sucked in a breath.

They were such an intense shade of green that I wasn't sure what to call it. It seemed to be a mix of emerald and forest but it wasn't just the colour that took my breath away. It was the pain and heartache I could see swimming in there. There were untold secrets shining in those eyes, just trying, waiting to break through and be set free. There was something going on in those eyes, memories and pains floating beneath the surface. Maybe that was why no one seemed to get close to him.

Remembering that he had asked me a question, I shook my head, clearing it of what was just going through my mind. "Um, no, I don't think so."

"Well, my mom does, so maybe it's best to do this crap at my house, if we're supposed to grow this thing." He picked up the bulb, not seeming overly impressed with it. "Honestly, I don't think we'll have to look it up, either. My mom'll probably know."

"Isn't that cheating?" I raised an eyebrow and he shrugged.

"So?" He looked bored as he looked back at me. "What would you rather? Sit there for hours poring over gardening and biology books to find out what this fucking thing is or ask my mother, who will more than likely know and find out in about thirty seconds?"

"On second thoughts, let's ask your mother." I agreed. Well when he put it that way. "When do you want to get started?"

"I'm free anytime." He shrugged, turning to look at something in his notebook. It seemed to be a list of some sort, but I couldn't make it out and wouldn't be able to unless I leaned over to look. Now _that's_ not suspicious, is it?

"Um, how about tonight?" He shrugged and nodded, flipping to another page in his note book. _All righty then._

He handed me a piece of paper and I unfolded it to see that it had an address on it. "That's my address. The turn off is concealed so you've got to keep an eye out for it. Other than that it's pretty standard." I nodded, folding up the paper and slotting it inside my notebook.

"Um, I need to let my dad know where I'm going and then I'll be around. Probably about six. Or is that too late?" I bit my lip, wondering if that would be alright.

"No, fine." He shook his head. Wouldn't his parents mind? "My dad's working a double at the hospital and my mom loves the chance to fuss over anyone. Not a problem."

Did I talk out loud or something?

The bell went and it suddenly dawned on me how long we'd been talking. He already had his things packed away and was out of the door before I could even blink.

What the hell was going on with him?

I sighed, shaking my head as I packed up my things. I had gym next, which was not something I relished. I had never been the best at any kind of sport or well . . . walking. Walking across any kind of surface was not conducive to me not ending up in the hospital.

Hopefully after this last hour, Forks High and Coach Clapp will have learned one _very_ important lesson:

Bella plus volleyball equals OWIE!

Arriving home, I let out a breath knowing that I had to put on dinner for when Charlie got home at five thirty. There wasn't a message on the machine from him and he hadn't called my cell, so I surmised he was coming home when he said he would.

Putting some steaks in to marinade I pulled out the homework I'd been given and set it on the table. I opened up the notebook I had been using in Biology and found the paper that held Edward's address. If he was really the jerk everyone said he was, would he have given it to me so willingly? Wouldn't he have just come up with some excuse to keep the work in school? Like using one of the greenhouses out the back of the school or some shit like that? I mean, what does a school this size need greenhouses for, but he would have suggested something like that, right?

The enigma surrounding Edward Cullen just got a hell of a lot more confusing.

Charlie arrived home at five twenty-eight, which is around the time I had been expecting. I had already eaten most of mine and had his dinner already set out on the table and was waiting for him to arrive.

"Hey Bells." He grinned at me as he walked through the door. "Couldn't wait for your old man before you started, huh?"

I shook my head, swallowing the meat I had in my mouth before answering. "I'm meeting someone for a project at six, so I have to go in about fifteen minutes."

"What project?" He sounded confused, as though it was unusual for him not have heard about me being assigned a project in school. "And who are you meeting?"

"It was assigned today in Biology. Something to do with bulbs." I took a gulp of my water quickly, wanting to get out so I could find Edward's house without being late. "I'm doing it with, um . . . Edward Cullen."

I jumped at the sound of Charlie's cutlery clattering onto his plate. I looked up at him to see he was gaping at me, his moustache twitching uncontrollably. I'd learned over the few days I'd been here that when it did that, he was either pissed or nervous. In this instance, considering he was turning colours, I'd said it was the former.

"Did you just say, Edward Cullen?" He rasped out after about a minute's uncomfortable silence. I nodded and he took a deep breath, taking a large swig of his beer. "Bella, I don't want you meeting that boy."

"Why not?" Was he seriously going to pull this shit over a Biology project?

"Because he's a delinquent and I don't want you anywhere near him." He looked at me, not impressed by my situation. "He's dangerous, Bella. I don't want you meeting him tonight or at any other time."

"Well, that's going to be kind of hard considering we have to do a project together." I shot back, wondering what he would do now that that was on the table. "He's my assigned partner and if we don't get this project done, it's likely that we're going to fail the class. Do you want me to fail?" I knew it was low throwing that out there but hey, if it was going to work in my favour, I wasn't above using it. "And we're going to be at his house. His mother is going to be there. What trouble do you really think he's going to get me in with his mother there? What? You think he's going to have me stealing from the cookie jar?"

"Bells, this is not a joke." He sighed, looking weary all of a sudden. "This boy is not a good influence on anyone. I don't understand it. His parents are the kindest, most compassionate people you could ever meet. It seems that he's just a bad egg."

"Why?" I couldn't understand what Charlie was trying to say. "What has he done that's so bad?"

"Not right now, Bells." He sighed, finishing his beer.

"Alright." I repeated his sigh, standing up and grabbing my bag and my coat. "But I have to meet him. If I don't get this project done, it's most likely we're going to fail Bio."

"I doubt that matters to him, anyway." He muttered and I rolled my eyes at him.

"I've got my cell, I'll call you if there's a cookie emergency and we get caught by his mom." I turned to leave as I heard him huff.

Finding Edward's house didn't take as long as I thought it would. Sure the entrance was as concealed as he said it was and I thought I'd gone up the wrong one until I came across an enormous white house. There was a dark blue Mercedes and a black bike sat outside. It looked like it could have been a Harley. I recognised it from somewhere, but I wasn't sure where. Probably belonged to his dad.

I climbed out of my old truck, slamming the door, realising how out of place it looked sat in front of this beautiful house. I turned around, seeing Edward leaning against the doorframe, nodding for me to come in.

"Wow," I couldn't help but let the whisper escape as I took in the interior. It was even more amazing than the outside.

"Tell me about it," Edward muttered, chuckling slightly. "My mom's an interior designer. This house is her pride and joy. You wanna hang your coat up there?" He gestured to a rather elaborate coat stand which held a rather feminine fitted jacket – obviously belonging to his mom – a long, black coat and the leather jacket Edward had been wearing to school today. I hung my jacket up and motioned to my shoes, wondering if I should take them off. He gave me a smirk and nodded. I slipped off my shoes, knowing that I wouldn't want anyone walking their dirty shoes over the interior in a place like this.

"Edward?" I heard someone calling him, a small woman appearing behind him.

I blinked a couple of times, amazed at the resemblance between mother and son. Their hair was almost _exactly_ the same strange colour, although the red in Edward's was a little more pronounced. Their eyes were the same shape, an almost oval rather than round. He had her cheekbones and her eyes were almost the same intense green as Edward.

"Hello, dear." She smiled at me, wide and welcoming, walking towards me. "You must be Isabella." Of course, she knew who I was. Thanks, Charlie.

"Hi, Mrs. Cullen. It's Bella." I held out my hand for her to shake, extremely surprised when she batted it away and wrapped her arms around me. I looked at Edward, slightly panicked to find him leaning on the door frame, giving me a cocky smirk.

"Oh don't call me that. Mrs. Cullen is Edward's grandmother." She waved off the name as though it was a fly that was bothering her. "Call me Esme." She pulled away from me and turned back to the kitchen. "Don't lean on the edge," her tone was stern as she spoke to Edward. "You'll bruise."

I wasn't sure what it was, but the moment those two words were out of her mouth, Edward's entire demeanour changed. The smirk disappeared and he straightened up, his eyes becoming dark and clouded as he watched her pass.

"Would you like anything to drink, Bella?" She asked and I followed her through to the kitchen, followed by Edward.

"Um . . . what do you have?" I asked, unsure of how to respond. This woman kind of reminded me of Renee, her excitement and enthusiasm for everything kind of unnerving.

"We've got water, milk, all sorts of different teas, coffee, cranberry, orange, apple, pineapple or mango juice and iced tea." She grinned at me and I felt slightly bemused. I couldn't help but wonder how there was no soda in the house when a seventeen year old boy resided here.

"No soda?" I asked quietly and Edward shook his head.

"Oh, there is no soda in this house." Esme rested the towel she had picked up on her way around to the fridge on the counter in front of her. "Carlisle isn't here enough to drink it, I can't stand the stuff and Edward isn't allowed to drink soda-"

"Mom!" I jumped at his tone and was instantly aware that his mother was sharing a little too much for his liking. He obviously didn't want a total stranger knowing what he can and can't have to drink. "Enough." Sensing something in his tone, she nodded, not taking her eyes off of him.

"Um, iced tea is fine." I offered lamely and she nodded, grabbing me a glass and putting some ice in it. She had the drink in front of me so quickly I was sure she must have been a waitress at some point.

"We're going to work on our project now, mom." His tone was softer now, but I was sure I could hear an underlying tone of warning there. Maybe I was wrong about not getting into trouble while his mom was here. Maybe I should have listened to Charlie. But was he dangerous.

I grabbed my bag as I followed him up some stairs. I followed him up to the third floor and into a bedroom that seemed to be every teenager's fantasy.

It was set out in tones of gold, the walls a slight off white colour. Well, two of them anyway. One of them was covered in a thick, dark gold material – have to ask about that – and the other was a floor to ceiling window. How had I not noticed a wall like that from outside, because I could see my truck from here?

The bed was enormous, making my twin bed at home look like something you'd find in a dwarf's prison cell. The carpet was a lighter gold, a shade lighter than the curtains and comforter.

The television mounted on the wall opposite the bed could have been mistaken for something you'd find at the movies and the DVD collection below it held more movies than a rental store. I knew I was gaping, but I had to look at the last wall. The wall behind the door was definitely my most favourite. It was completely covered with books.

Walking over to it, I dropped my bag on the floor, my eyes skimming over the different covers in front of me. He had everything from classics to contemporary, fantasy to crime. He had everything. Looking down the shelves, I felt my brow furrowing when I saw a couple of medical journals before realising that he had said his dad was a doctor.

"What department does your dad work in?" I asked, wondering if I was going to meet him any time soon. Most likely would be considering my many trips before moving to Forks.

"He kind of flicks between the ER and Oncology." He replied, a sad undertone to his voice. I wondered what sparked that.

"Oncology?" I mused, wondering what department that was. I knew it from somewhere, but I couldn't put my finger on it. I felt like I should know.

"Cancer." He replied, taking a breath and walking up beside me. "You ever been on a cancer ward?" He asked and I shook my head. "Don't. It's not a place you want to be."

"You sound like you've had experience."

"I volunteer there sometimes when my dad's there." He admitted and I looked at him surprised. "What?"

"You know . . . all day, people have been telling me that you're a jerk, you're an asshole, that you're dangerous but . . . I come here and you tell me something like that and . . . I can't help but think there's no way any of that can be right." I didn't understand how people could be like that with him. He volunteered on a cancer ward for heaven's sake. How can someone like that be dangerous?

"People see what they want to see, Bella. Sometimes they don't listen when someone tries to tell them otherwise." He let out a laugh, flopping down on his bed. "People think I'm a jerk because that's what I want them to see. You think I want to get attached to the people here? Your little friends Mallory and Stanley? Not likely!" He raised an eyebrow at my scoff at the mention of Lauren and Jessica being my friends. "Not your friends?" I shook my head and he laughed. "The only ones out of that group I can stand are Angela and Ben because they're the only ones with a couple of brain cells."

"I'm not sure whether or not to be offended by that." I replied honestly and he chuckled.

"I wasn't including you. Since you're new, you have a grace period of being allowed to float between groups, but you're going to have to choose somewhere to fit in pretty soon." I nodded, understanding what he meant.

"So why don't you fit it anywhere?" I asked, making my way over to him.

"Because I don't want to." He answered simply. At least he's honest. "I don't want to be able to say that I fit in somewhere that's full of shallow, conceited people who think that the sun shines out of their asses. I don't even what to be _associated_ with people like that. So if that makes me an asshole, then so be it. I really don't give a fuck."

"Oh my God." I snapped my mouth shut pretty quickly after I realised I had said that out loud. He raised an eyebrow and I felt the tell tale flush appearing on my cheeks. It was a trait I had picked up from Renee and I hated it.

"What?"

"Nothing." I shook my head, not wanting to answer that. "Um . . . don't you think we should get started?"

He smirked at my less than subtle change of topic but said nothing, reaching over and picking up his bag. I couldn't help but watch the muscles of his arms flex as he moved. Wow, no wonder all the guys at school were intimidated by him. He could probably beat any of them to a pulp. Apart from that huge guy, Emmett what's-his-face. But then again, he was _huge_.

"My mother informs me that this is a hydrangea. So it seems we gotta work out what the hell we gotta do to get it to grow." He shrugged and I shook my head, not having a clue about gardening or plants at all. "Come on, my mom's got loads of gardening books and shit down in the library." They have their own _library_? That is so not fair.

He walked over to the door, waiting for me as I slid off the bed and started to make my way towards him. In true Bella Swan style through, I tripped, falling over nothing and straight into Edward. He stumbled a little, hitting his arm on the doorframe but managed to stay upright. He pulled me up straight and I couldn't help but wonder at the heat his body was giving off. The obvious yet subtle strength of his arms and the faint electrical buzz as he held onto me gently.

"You okay?" I nodded slowly and he let me go, stepping back and letting me exit the room first.

He overtook me on the stairs and led me down a hallway before stopping and opening a door. I let my jaw drop as I saw the room filled completely with books, books and nothing but books. I heard Edward chuckle at my expression and I turned to glare at him. He shook his head, moving off into a specific part of the room as I stood there dumbly.

My phone started to vibrate in my pocket, distracting me from my new favourite place in the world. "Hello?"

"Bells?" I rolled my eyes, resisting the urge to sigh. Charlie, of course.

"Yeah, Ch-Dad." I bit my lip, cursing myself for the almost slip. He hated it when I called him Charlie. "What's up? Is everything okay?"

"I was just wondering if you were going to be home soon." I glanced at the clock, not bothering to conceal my sigh this time.

"It's been a half an hour." I replied, shaking my head as Edward reappeared, a couple of books in tow.

"Oh," _Because _that_ was believable Charlie._ "I didn't realise."

"Of course you didn't." I sighed and Edward raised an eyebrow. "Look, I get how you feel about him, Dad, I do, but I need to do this okay. He's my partner and I'm gonna fail if I don't work with him, alright?"

"I get that, Bells." He sounded exhausted. "I just don't want to see you get hurt."

"You won't." I rolled my eyes again, biting my lip to stop myself from saying something stupid. "Look I'll be home in a couple of hours or so, alright? I have to go."

I said goodbye to Charlie and hung up the phone, turning to see Edward standing there, still with the books in his hands. "Everything okay?"

"Everything's fine." I smiled, looking at the book titles as they hung there in his hand. "Are we just going to stand here or are we going to do some work?"

He led the way upstairs and I may have been a little naughty and stared at his ass the whole way there. But man, it was a nice ass. Wouldn't mind seeing that without the denim over it.

We worked for a couple of hours, figuring out the kind of soil the bulb needed to be potted in and what kind of conditions it needed. All in all, I think it was a very productive night.

"When do you want to actually plant the thing?" I asked as I bent down to tie up my shoes. Should have worn slip ons. "I mean, when are you free?"

"I'm free anytime." He shrugged as he watched me.

"Tomorrow?" He nodded and I couldn't stop the grin that spread across my face. He reached over to the coat stand, twisting slightly and I couldn't stop my mouth from falling open. On the back of his arm was an enormous bright blue bruise. That hadn't been there earlier on. He reached out to hand me my coat but I wanted a better look at that bruise. It was brand new. I was sure it hadn't been there earlier on this evening.

I grabbed his wrist, twisting his arm slightly, looking at the bruise. He looked down seeming to notice it before looking up at me.

"Are you okay?" I asked and he nodded, not seeming overly worried.

"Yeah." He gave me a small smile. "I suffer from anaemia, so I tend to walk around looking like I've lost a fight most days."

"I have the same problem, but I'm just clumsy." I couldn't help but wonder about the bruise though.

"It's fine. I bruise like a peach, I swear." I nodded, taking my jacket as shrugging it on as he walked me out the door. "Goodnight, Bella."

There was something different about Edward Cullen. Something that others didn't know. Something he didn't want others to know.

But I wanted to be the one person that did know.

Could I be that person?

. . . . . . . . . .


	3. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognised characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. The plot and any characters added in are mine.**_

_**A lot of you have already guessed what's up with Edward and I'll say that for the most part you're right. You'll find out in this chapter.**_

_**I have decided that this story will be updated on Saturday's and Wednesday's. This might not always happen due to internet and RL failure, but I will try my best to have chapters out to you on time.**_

_**Here's Edward's view for you.**_

_**Edward**_

Closing the door behind me as Bella reversed down the driveway, I knew that I had gotten too close too close to her already.

I hadn't let anyone in for a long time and I had a feeling that this one girl had the power to break down every single wall and defence system I had in place.

I couldn't let her do that.

"Edward?" I opened my eyes to see my mom standing there, a worried look on her face. I knew that she had heard the last part of the conversation with Bella. She knew without even seeing it, the bruise on my arm. "You're bruising again, aren't you?"

"It's no big deal, mom." I tried to wave her off but she wasn't having any of it.

"No big deal?" She walked over to me, worry and fear on her face as she gently took hold of my arm and turned it to look at the bruise that had formed. "That wasn't there earlier. You _know_ what the doctors told us about the return of easy bruising."

"Yeah, they said that there was a good chance it was nothing." I replied and she scowled up at me. "What? They did. They didn't say that it definitely meant a-"

"I don't care, Edward." She sighed, grabbing her coat and thrusting mine at me. "We're going to the hospital. Now."

"Mom." I knew I sounded like a child as the whine escaped me but I really, _really_ did not want to go to the hospital. "Do we have to? I mean, it's not as if-"

"Yes." She slipped on her shoes, dropping mine at my feet and clicking her fingers, waiting for me to slip mine on. I knew I wasn't getting anywhere tonight, so I did as I was told, like a good little boy. I followed her out of the door, moving to put my bike in the garage before we left. I didn't really want to leave it out even if we did live in the middle of fucking nowhere. Who knew what could happen. And did she really think I was going to allow my baby to get rained on? Not a fucking chance.

When I eventually got to the car, my mom was standing there, hands on her hips, tapping her foot on the floor. It was as though she thought she was going to be late or something. I wasn't in the mood to argue with her so I climbed into her Mercedes and strapped myself in.

She called set her phone on the stand she had hooked into the fan, pressing speed dial 2. I rolled my eyes, shaking my head as I looked out of the windows as she wound down our driveway. "Don't roll your eyes at me, Edward." Well, what were you expecting, mother?

"Esme?" I heard my father's slightly out of breath voice burst into the quiet of the car and realised my mother had him on speakerphone. She hated those headsets. Said they made her ears feel funny.

"We're on our way to the hospital, Carlisle." My mom glanced at me. I didn't look at her, knowing she was most likely checking what she could see of me for any more marks.

"Is Edward okay? What's the matter?" He sounded panicked now and I heard echoing footsteps, indicating he was in the stairwell of the hospital, probably heading downstairs to wait for the two of us.

"I'm fine, Dad." I replied, rolling my eyes again.

My mother let out a sigh, shaking her head at my 'behaviour'. She hated it when I didn't admit that there was something wrong with me. Well, who wants to have their life controlled by something that's out of their control? "He's bruising again."

The line went silent and I knew that he had jumped to the same conclusion as my mother. The two of them didn't stop to consider that it might just be the fact that I hit my arm hard on a surface, did they? If they started coming out with bruises, then no one would bat an eyelid. Well, other than to accuse the other of abuse, but they wouldn't be racing down the street towards the hospital when it wasn't really necessary.

My parents. Always the optimists.

"Mom, can we just go home, please?" I knew that trying to reason with her was completely useless, but I spent enough time in this hospital as it was. I didn't really want to stay here when I didn't have to. I wasn't above begging.

"No." She shook her head, parking in a space as close to the entrance as possible. It was as if she thought I couldn't walk properly. "We need to get you checked out."

"Mom, don't you think you're going a little overboard with this?" She gaped at me as I sat there staring at her. I really hated that she was in this situation. I didn't want her or my father to have to go through this. This wasn't their battle. But of course, being my parents, they took it on. "Just because I come out with one little bruise, it does not indicate a relapse."

"That bruise is anything but 'little', Edward." She sighed, running her hand through her hair, shaking her head as we sat there. "We've been through so much to get to where we are now. And I am _not_ going to run the risk of a relapse. At _any_ time. I can't lose you, Edward. You're too precious."

"But I-"

"Enough!" She held up a hand and pointed at the door handle, indicating she wanted me to get out. As in, now. Locking the doors behind us, she walked in front of me into the ER. My God I hated this place.

Looking around, it was amazing that the Emergency Room of a hospital in a place as small as Forks was as busy as it was. There were people everywhere. There must have been some sort of accident somewhere. Glancing around I saw –well, more like _heard –_ little kids bawling their eyes out, old people coughing into handkerchiefs and others of all ages milling around, either waiting to be seen or waiting for an update on loved ones.

I smirked to myself when I saw Mike Newton sitting in the waiting room next to Jessica Stanley. It was clear that both of them had had too much to drink or smoke. Actually, it was more like too much of both. Mike was sitting there looking a little worse for wear while Jessica glanced around, panicking slightly. Maybe she thought that the FBI was onto her for some shit.

She saw me standing there, her eyes narrowing slightly before Mike heaved in his seat, leaning forward, his head falling between his knees. She panicked again, her hands flapping in front of her for a moment before she whispered something in his ear.

I didn't get to see what happened with the two of them after that because my mother caught my attention, hurriedly gesturing for me to follow her. I let out a breath, knowing what was going to happen now. I had been here way too many times before.

"Hey, Edward." I gave Dr. Aro a small smile as I walked into the partitioned room my mother had walked into. "I was hoping we wouldn't have to see you again for a long time."

"Well, panicked mothers will lead to these kinds of meetings." I didn't look at my mom as I sat on the hospital bed as I knew I would be told to. An old hand at this I took off my jacket and he sighed, shaking his head lightly.

"He's bruising again." I rolled my eyes and she glared at me. She hated that in her eyes, I didn't take this seriously. How could I not when it was responsible for controlling my life? It wasn't that I wasn't taking it seriously, I just didn't allow it to affect every aspect of what happened to me, that's all. "I wanted to bring him in just to make sure that everything was okay. I mean, it is, right?"

"I'll have to take some blood to make sure . . . so until then, we won't know." He knew not to try and assure either of us that everything would be okay. We knew there was a very high chance that it was a relapse. I just didn't want to limit myself to that one option, that's all.

He must have been prepared for this because he already had the needles and tubes set up. I held up my arm and he tucked it underneath his own, wrapping the usual band around my arm, just above my elbow. I clenched my fist, knowing exactly what to do by now. I should have known, I had done this so many times.

"Little scratch." He muttered and to be honest I didn't actually feel anything. Maybe I was just getting so used to going through the motions of this shit that my body didn't even register it any more.

"I feel like I should have a tattoo going across my arm that says 'insert needle here'." I ran my finger just above where the needle was currently in my arm.

"Edward!" Apparently, my mother was not a fan of that idea, whereas Dr. Aro just chuckled as he switched the tubes.

After Dr. Aro was sure he'd taken enough blood, he removed the needle, making sure that I had the cotton wool wedged into the crook of my elbow securely before he had an intern take them to the lab.

"Why don't you wait up on the ward for the results?" He suggested, giving me a sad smile. He knew how much I hated this place and yet he also knew I didn't really have a choice when it came to coming here. If I wanted to live any longer that is.

Dr. Jonathon Aro had been my oncologist for as long as I could remember. He, like my father, flicked between Oncology and the ER. How the two of them managed to do that, I will never know. I would have thought just being on one of the wards would be bad enough, but seeing all the fucked up shit that happened on both, it would have been too much for me to handle.

We walked over to the elevator as Dr. Aro told my mother that my dad was waiting for us up on the ward. She pressed the button for the fourth floor as I rested my head against the wall of the elevator.

"Edward, honey?" I looked at her to find her watching me, a look of pain and grief illuminating her features. "I know how much you hate this, honey, but I don't know if I can live through another relapse. I can't lose you, baby." She walked over to me, her hands coming to rest on the sides of my neck gently. "You're my world. I can't lose you."

"Mom, we both know that neither of us have a choice in that matter." I said softly and she nodded, her eyes welling with tears as she sniffed, looking away from me. She wanted to be strong for me and I hated seeing her that way. It was because of me that she was feeling this way. Sure, it wasn't exactly _my_ fault, but it was _because_ of me she was hurting.

Walking out of the elevator, we took the familiar path towards the Oncology ward. I hated this place. You never knew if you were going to walk back in to see the same people that were here the last time you were here or whether someone new would have taken their place. It was a cycle I hated.

Too many young lives had been lost on this ward.

To someone who didn't really know the difference, you wouldn't be able to tell, but to me, this ward reeked of death, pain and suffering. And I hated it. You only came here if you were the loved one of a cancer patient or if you were the one suffering from some form of the disease.

"Hey, Maggie." I gave the nurse in front of me a small smile and she looked wearily up at me.

"Edward," she smiled, shaking her head, her eyes bleary and tired. "What are you doing up here? Didn't want to see you again for a long time, young man."

"You know me, can't stay away." It was a lame attempt at a joke, but hey, it's not really fun and games around here, is it? "Is my dad here?"

"Yeah." She nodded, pointing towards another section of the ward. I gave her another smile and headed off in that direction, following my mom.

"Edward." My dad walked up to me, his arms wrapping around me in a tight hug. Well, it wasn't too tight, but you get what I mean. "How are you feeling? Tired? Dizzy? Any signs of blee-"

"Dad!" I cut him off, getting fed up over what could be nothing. "I'm fine. You're asking if I'm dizzy? No, I'm not. No bleeding. One bruise, that's all. And am I tired? Yes, I am tired. Tired of everyone going up in arms over nothing."

"Edward," my dad let out a sigh, running his hands through his hair. "I know it must be frustrating for you, but we're just trying to rule out the possibilities of a relapse."

"It's just a bruise." I argued, wanting nothing more than to go back home and climb into bed. I didn't want to be stuck on a hospital ward for god knows how long. "If it were any other kid, they'd be told to be more careful and sent on their way."

"Yes, that may be so, but any other kid doesn't have leukaemia, Edward." My dad huffed and I looked away from him. It's bad enough that I had to live with my mother being as over protective as she was but I didn't need my dad shoving it in my face, either. I knew I wasn't normal. I knew there was a reason I wasn't allowed to play with the other kids when I was little. I knew there was a reason I wasn't allowed to do any kind of sports or even participate in gym and I accepted that. But at home, I knew that there could be some semblance of normalcy as other might experience it. Apparently not.

Looking around the ward, I knew I wasn't alone. There were people here suffering as I was. There were those in here for intense chemo treatments, radiotherapy, check-ups that were required through periods of remission, no matter how brief they may be. And then there were those that were here to say goodbye.

"Come on." My dad placed a hand on my shoulder, gently leading me towards a bed he would have had reserved for me as soon as my mom made the phone call from the car. "Try and get some sleep while we wait for the lab results."

"I don't have to change, do I?" I asked, eyeing the hospital gown that was folded on the edge of the bed. I hated those things. He shook his head and I picked up the horrid thing, throwing it on the chair in the corner of the room. I sat on the bed, watching my parents as they hugged, whispering things to each other. I slipped off my shoes, kicking them under my bed before crossing my legs in front of me, watching the two of them.

Would I ever have that?

Probably not.

I settled back onto the bed, knowing that arguing wouldn't get me anywhere right now and all I could do was sit there and wait for the lab results to come back. In for a long wait, then.

I closed my eyes, wanting sleep to come and getting frustrated when all I could focus on were the noises going on around me. Places like these never really seemed to shut down. There were always people coming and going. Nurses making rounds, loved ones of patients making their way down to get something to eat or get something for the one they were visiting.

Normal visiting hours were over by now, ending at five thirty – which totally sucked if you were at work and didn't have the chance to see someone at all during the day – so it was only the immediate family up in the ward. It was still a lot of people though. Too many going through the pain of experiencing cancer.

"I'm going for a walk." I declared, sitting up and swinging my legs over the side of the bed. I stood up as my mom looked at me, panicked. "Don't worry, I don't plan on leaving the ward." _Like I'd have a chance._. "I just need to walk a bit. I'm bored and have energy to burn."

"Alright." She sighed, settling back in her chair. "Don't be too long. Dr. Aro might be back with your results soon."

"Good, then we can finally get out of here." I muttered, noting that it had only been a half an hour. Still, it was half an hour too long for me.

I didn't bother putting my shoes back on as I walked out onto the ward. I said hello to a few of the nurses, recognising them and knowing some of them personally from previous stays here. A couple, like Maggie, had been here since before I had been diagnosed, so I knew them pretty well.

I stopped when I passed the room of a familiar patient, feeling bummed that she was in here again.

I let out a breath as I looked at her. When I had seen her last, she had been healthy, in remission, her skin clear and light, her hair thick and golden. Now she looked as sick as she was. She was ghostly pale, her cheekbones protruding more than they should have been. She was wearing a thick sweater, but I would have bet any money that she had lost weight. Her hair that was so beautiful when she was healthy was thin, barely there, hanging in whisps around her shoulders. You couldn't run your fingers through it for fear that you would pull the rest of it out.

"Hey," I said softly, walking into her room.

"Hey, Eddie." Her voice was weak, raspy as she tried to sit up.

"Jesus Christ, Tanya." I whispered, placing a hand behind her back, easing her strain. "I thought we agreed you'd call me if you got sick again."

"I thought we agreed the same deal for you." She shot back. The muscles moving in her face indicated that she would have raised an eyebrow at me, but due to the chemotherapy, she didn't have any left.

"It's just my mom overreacting again." I shrugged and she shook her head.

"It might not be nothing, Eddie." Her blue eyes were lifeless, as though she had given up hope.

"I'm sure it is." I took her hand in mine, minding the IV taped to the back of her hand. "And just because you're in here doesn't mean you can call me Eddie." She grinned at me, a small laugh escaping her.

Tanya and I had first met when we were ten. She was suffering from leukaemia as well, though it was a different type to mine. She never handled chemo well and I remember the first time I sat with her through it, I read to her from her favourite book: _Of Mice and Men_ by John Steinbeck. She loved the book and I had read it to her over and over again. I knew it by heart.

"Hey," I whispered to her and she opened her eyes a little, a small smile playing on her lips. "'_Guys like us, that work on ranches, are the loneliest guys in the world. They got no family. They don't belong no place. . . . With us it ain't like that. We got a future. We got somebody to talk to that gives a damn about us. We don't have to sit in no bar room blowin' in our jack jus' because we got no place else to go. If them other guys gets in jail they can rot for all anybody gives a damn. But not us._'"

The smile she gave me was wide and genuine. "Thank you, Edward." She squeezed my hand a little tighter.

"How far into it are you?"

"Three days." She sighed, settling back into her pillows.

"Five and two?" I asked and she shook her head.

"Seven and three." I couldn't control the wince that escaped me. I hated any kind of treatment. When you thought about it, all it was doing was poisoning you. In layman's terms, that's what it was. Yeah, it might have been destroying the harmful cells, but more often than not, it got the good ones too.

"I'll let you get some sleep." I whispered softly, squeezing her hand again. I stood up, making my way out of the room, looking back at her one last time before I made my way out onto the ward.

Looking around I was reminded of why I hated this place.

There were young people, in their twenties looking as though they should be nearing the seventies mark. Children with no hair and gaunt expressions on their faces, their eyes haunted, having seen things they should never be exposed to. Parents watching as their child disappeared in front of their very eyes and knowing there was most likely nothing they could do about it.

I hated this place.

I made my way back to my room, noting my mom's relieved expression when I lay back onto the bed, turning onto my side slightly.

I knew that I might as well try and get some sleep, so I closed my eyes, letting out a breath as I lay there. I relaxed a little, feeling the world slip away from me as I hung in that blissful escape between awake and asleep.

. . . . . . .

Returning to consciousness a little while later, I was aware of people talking. Well, my mother and father talking. My dad was trying to calm my mom down a little and I felt my heart sink at what that could mean.

"Esme, you have to calm down." He whispered, clearly trying to keep me from waking up. Too late, Dad. "It's nothing serious. There's a back log down at the lab. I know it's been three hours, but all we can do is wait. There's nothing else we can do. They're going to try and get his results up to us as fast as we can, but they have no idea when that's going to be possible. There's just too much going on down there."

"Don't they realise how important this is?" My mom was louder than my dad was being. She seemed really stressed that the lab hadn't come back with the results of my blood test yet. I didn't really understand why. We had waited for longer than three hours before and it never seemed to really bother her. Well, not as much as it seemed to now.

"Of course they do, darling, but there's nothing they can do about it." He sighed and I shifted, wanting to go back to sleep. "Look, he's sleeping at the moment, he's not in any pain, it'll be alright."

Shifting again, I noticed there was a slight weight on the lower half of my body. Someone must have put a blanket over me in the last couple of hours. There was also a hospital band around my wrist. That meant I had been officially admitted to the ward. _Great_. I wondered how long I was going to be in here this time.

Though, honestly, whenever I left the hospital, all I ever seemed to do was wait for something to bring me back here.

It was an endless cycle and I wanted out of it.

I allowed myself to slip back into sleep, not wanting to be awake for the tedious hours that would ensue. I don't know how my mom did it, but she had mastered the art of sitting in the same place for hours on end without seeming to get bored. Mind you, she always seemed to have something with her to do, but that was beside the point.

I awoke sometime later to find my dad sitting in the chair my mom had been in since we arrived and my mom nowhere in sight. He looked at me wearily and I knew he hadn't had any chance to sleep.

"Hey," his features immediately softened as soon as he saw I was awake. He stood up, walking the two steps it took to reach the side of the bed. He perched on the side, looking down at me, a small smile on his face. "How're you feeling?"

"I feel fine." I answered after a moment. I _did_ feel fine. I knew that each time I had a relapse, not everything felt alright. It felt good enough, but there was always something slightly off. Laying here, I felt absolutely fine. A little tired, but I had been asleep, so that was normal, right?

"You know why we worry, Edward." I nodded, rubbing the heels of my hands into my eyes, trying to get rid of the tired and achy feeling that always accompanied waking up. "Who did that?"

"What?" _Huh_?

"That?" He gently took hold of my hand and pulled it away from my face as though the slightest touch could break my. Well, actually it might. As he pulled his hand away I saw what he was talking about. There were marks around my wrist. It looked like a handprint, wrapping around my wrist.

"Bella." I whispered and he looked at me confused. "Isabella Swan, the new girl at school. She's my biology partner. We've got a project to do and she came over. She saw the bruise on the back of my arm and grabbed my wrist, wanting to see what it was. I guess she grabbed a little harder than either of us thought."

"Maybe not." He sighed and I nodded.

"Anything?"

"Not just yet." He shook his head, looking down at his watch. "There's been a tremendous back log at the lab. They're a hand or two down so they're having trouble keeping up with the requests."

"What time is it?" I asked, wondering how long we'd been here.

"It is . . ." He looked at his watch for a moment. "Five thirty–two." That means we had been in the hospital for nearly nine hours. I was slightly glad they'd directed me to a room rather than telling my mom and I to wait in the waiting room on those hideous plastic chairs that made you want to try and slice your ass off after ten minutes sitting in them.

"Amazing." I mumbled and my dad raised an eyebrow. "That a place as small as Forks could do that." He chuckled, shaking his head a little. "Where's Mom?"

"I sent her down to the cafeteria to get something to eat." He sighed, his expression showing me instantly that he was worried about my mom. She invested so much of her time and energy into whether I was healthy or not, her own health and welfare often took a backseat. She was going to make herself sick at some point and I hated that thought. Because it would be my fault. "It took a while and a lot of reassurance that I would be here with you, but she left a couple of minutes ago."

"That must have taken some effort." He nodded as he rested a hand on my arm.

"She just worries about you."

"I know."

We sat there for a little while before Dr. Aro appeared, a smile on his face. That was good right? I mean, he wouldn't be smiling if it was bad news, would he?

I hoped not, because that meant he was seriously warped if he did.

"How are you feeling, Edward?" He asked and I raised an eyebrow. Shouldn't he be the one to know whether or not I was going to have to put myself through treatments again? He was the one with the results after all.

"I think my parents are worse off that I am." I shrugged and the two of them laugh. I knew that had my mom been in the room, she wouldn't have found it so amusing. Hell, she would have pounced on Dr. Aro as soon as possible.

"I'm glad you feel that way because your results are absolutely fine." I shot my dad an 'I told you so' look. "We've found no evidence of a relapse, which is the best result we could have asked for, don't you think?" I rolled my eyes and he laughed. Of course it was the best result. Tell me, why had I put my life in his hands for the last twelve years? "Take him, Carlisle. He doesn't need to be here any longer than he already has."

When he left I sat up, and my dad gave me a small smile, grabbing my jacket from the stand in the corner of the room. I pulled it on, slipping on my shoes as I hopped off the bed.

"I'm going to go and say goodbye to someone." I gestured towards the door and he nodded solemnly. He knew I was going to see Tanya. All of our parents had been aware of our friendship and it caused the four of them to become really good friends. I wasn't sure whether it was just the fact that they shared an illness between their children, but they had bonded.

When I arrived at Tanya's room, her mother Charlotte was sitting there, her hand wrapped around Tanya. They were having a quiet conversation and I felt like I might have been intruding. I was about to turn and leave them to it when I heard Charlotte's voice calling my name.

"Edward," I turned to see her smiling at me, inviting me into the room. "How are you, sweetheart?" She stood up, making her way round the bed before wrapping her arms around me.

"I'm fine, Charlotte." I nodded, returning the hug, rolling my eyes playfully at Tanya. I winked at her and she knew I was only messing around as she giggled gently. "Just a scare, that's all."

"You _are_ all right, then?" Tanya asked and I nodded, breaking away from her mom.

"Yeah. Just a scare. My mom overreacting again." Charlotte huffed a little at my wording but it didn't make a difference to me. In my eyes she was overreacting.

In Charlotte's . . . not so much.

"Edward . . ." She sighed, sitting back down next to Tanya. "Having a sick child is nothing like anything anyone can ever imagine. You're always so scared that something's going to happen to them. It's like you almost block the rest of the world out. You begin to live your life for them, catering to what they need."

"I know." And I _did_ know.

My mom had been an extremely successful interior designer before my illness came to light. When I had been diagnosed, she handed off the running of her business to someone else. She was a silent partner now. She didn't have anything to do with what happened. All of her time was now devoted to making sure I was alright. Even though I was at school a lot of the time. She kept everything clean, having a system to measure that with. She drove all the way to Port Angeles almost every day to pick up fresh fruit and vegetables. Everything organic, mind you.

She didn't want me to eat what they served in the cafeteria and I had no idea if it was a guideline for the illness or just my mom, so I didn't. Instead she made me a mixed concoction every day. It was all individually wrapped and I was thankful that no one actually went out of their way to sit with me because there was no doubt they'd think that there was something wrong with my mother, when there wasn't.

There was something wrong with _me_.

I hated that she had to give up so much of her life to make mine bearable. It wasn't fair to her. I wondered what she would do when I was gone because I knew that I wasn't going to live for very much longer. In my eyes I was pressing it getting to seventeen. But I couldn't give up.

Not when my mom had worked so hard all these years at keeping me alive.

"Then you'll understand why she gets so worried." I nodded and she smiled at me. I leaned down and gave her another hug goodbye.

"I just wanted to say goodbye." She nodded into my shoulder, watching as I pressed a kiss to Tanya's forehead, whispering for her to get through this.

"Stay strong, Edward." Charlotte whispered as I passed and I nodded, making my way back to my room.

My mom was in there now, looking relieved and happy. She pulled me to her muttering something I couldn't understand as he fingers ran through my hair gently.

"Let's go home." She smiled up at me and I nodded. We joined my dad who had just finished signing me out and I pulled off the annoying band the hospital made you wear. I swear I'd had so many of these things I could start my own collection.

. . . . . . .

Arriving home, I was sent straight to bed, even though it was nearly six thirty in the morning.

Apparently I was not going to school.

I often wondered if the teachers knew of my reason for my unexplained absences over the years. I mean, I'd had a lot of time off due to chemo and radiotherapy and just plain being ill over the years and yet none of them had ever said a word. I knew Principal Greene knew. But that was it.

As I settled into my bed, I wondered about what Bella would think when I didn't show up for Biology. I mean, I invited her over to work on the project yesterday and today I'm not in.

Might be sending mixed signals there.

Even though I was in the comfort of my own bedroom, I couldn't seem to get to sleep. How is it, I can sleep in a busy hospital – even though it was the middle of the night – and not at home?

I spend way too much time in that place.

My thoughts drifted to Tanya. I wondered how long she would be in there this time. Each time she was in there, the stay seemed to be longer and longer. I knew in my heart that she wouldn't be with us much longer. She was losing her fight and I couldn't bear to watch her go.

She was ready though, and that's what matters. Her mother Charlotte had a hard time accepting that truth, so she just didn't. She refused to believe that Tanya was ready to die. That she'd had enough to living the life we were subjected to. Being poked, prodded and stuck by needles, the endless transfusions, dialysis, tests and aspirations we had to go through. It was no wonder she had had enough.

We had both been through most of this together, being there for each other through each relapse and treatment. I couldn't even bear to think about losing her.

I didn't have a choice in that matter though.

Ultimately it was up to her body when it chose to give up.

Tomorrow was Friday, I'd go and see her after school. Make sure that she was okay and everything was going alright. Initially she didn't want the treatment, saying she would have preferred to die than go through that again, but her parents insisted she have it. She was in pain and uncomfortable but I wondered if her parents actually cared or whether they just wanted their daughter around.

Would my parents listen me if and when I was in that position.

I hoped so.

Only time will tell, I guess.

. . . . . . . .


	4. Chapter 3

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognised characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. The plot and any characters added in are mine.**_

_**I had internet fail yesterday, so here's chapter 3. The next chapter will be up on Saturday as promised.**_

_**Bella**_

I couldn't get Edward out of my head as I drove home. There was something that didn't quite add up with what people were telling me and what I had witnessed at his home.

People were telling me that he was a jerk, an asshole to everyone around him but from what I could see, nothing of his behaviour had matched up with people's words.

I sighed as I climbed out of my truck, trying not to slip as I made my way up the steps.

"Bella?" I rolled my eyes as I closed the front door, making my way through to the living room, seeing Charlie sitting there in his recliner, the match on the television muted and a beer in his hand. "Everything go okay?"

"Yes, Dad." I sighed, trying like hell not to roll my eyes again as I dropped my bag at the bottom of the stairs. "Everything's fine. Edward was nothing less than a gentleman. And we didn't even get a chance to steal any cookies either, so everything's good."

"I really don't like that you're going to be spending time with him, Bells." He sighed, setting his beer on the coffee table in front of him.

"What exactly has he done to deserve what everyone's saying about him?" I threw my arms up, exasperated and frankly, pissed off at the way people were condemning him. From what I had seen, there was nothing wrong with Edward. Granted, they had known him a lot longer than I had, but still, I thought I was pretty good judge of character. Up till now at least. From what I had seen, he was nothing more than a teenager that didn't want to be tied down to a place he didn't want to stay in for the rest of his life. Not that I blame him. I didn't really want to stay in Forks and I'd been here a week.

"Bells, he's not the kind of kid you want to be hanging around." He stated simply, looking up at me, pleading for me to drop it. He should be so lucky.

"Really?" I crossed my arms over my chest, staring him down. "You don't want me hanging around with someone that has the utmost respect for his mom, who opens doors for people like they always used to, who wants to get out of this place with a good education and a decent GPA under his belt, who _volunteers on the oncology ward in the hospital in his free time?_ That's the kind of person you don't want me hanging around with? So what, you'd prefer me to hang around with the stuck up, conceited, bitches that congregate at Forks High? Is that it?"

"At least those other kids are law abiding, Bella." Charlie stood up, running a hand through his hair. "You have no idea how many times I've pulled that kid over on that bike of his," _so it's Edward's bike. Huh, "_under the influence of something or other. How many times I've caught him defacing public property or trespassing. He's even got some of the kids down in La Push in trouble through illegal substances. And that's not even half of it."

He stared at me before storming past me and up into his bedroom. He was clearly done with this conversation, yet I had so many questions that needed to be answered.

Maybe I could find out from Edward tomorrow.

I turned off the television and dumped the rest of Charlie's beer down the sink before shoving the can in the trash. I wasn't really focused on what I was doing and ended up tripping up the stairs as I made my way up to my room.

After completing my nightly routine I climbed into bed, my head still buzzing with questions about Edward. Who would have thought that someone who had spoken with such a pain in his voice as he spoke about the cancer ward at the hospital. Who knew how much time he spent there and I thought it was such a selfless thing for him to do. He sounded as though it wasn't really somewhere he relished being and I could imagine what it might have been like. I'd seen movies like that _Walk to Remember _and _My Sister's Keeper_ and all those ones and I couldn't imagine that their depictions of cancer wards were that far from the truth. I mean, they have to have a certain level of authenticity right? But to give up your own time to help those who might not be around much longer, especially if you yourself are healthy and strong, it must have been so draining. He was so strong to be able to do that. I don't know if I could have.

But what Charlie had told me rattled through my head. His depiction of Edward was so entirely different from what I'd witnessed at his house. Sure he had been a little tense with his mom what she was going on about the soda, but I think I would have been the same if Charlie were giving out personal information like that to someone who was practically a stranger. I wouldn't want it either.

Charlie had said that he'd pulled him over for driving up the influence many times and that he'd been caught with illegal substances down at La Push. Clearly it wasn't only Edward that was to blame there, seeing as I doubted someone like Edward could coerce anyone that didn't want to do whatever it was they were doing, no matter how influential they seemed. I think that the fact Charlie was friends with some of the members of the Quileute tribe down at La Push he let their kids involvement slide, singling Edward out.

Maybe I was being a little easy on Edward, especially considering I didn't know him at all. Who knows he could really be an asshole and that little show at his house was purely for my benefit.

But then again, maybe I was right in my assumption that everyone was seeing something that wasn't there.

Maybe they were condemning him for nothing because he didn't fit in.

I hoped I'd find out soon because I think my head was going to implode if I didn't.

. . . . . .

I pulled up at school the next morning, not really looking forward to another day in this hellhole. I hoped that I would be able to run into Edward somewhere and talk to him a little. Maybe he would open up or something.

I really had no idea what I was going to do.

I didn't even know where the hell his locker or homeroom was.

I walked into homeroom and slid into my seat, trying to ignore Jessica's little glances and not so subtle eyebrow raises.

"Hey, Bella," I turned to look at her and she had a look of sympathy on her face. Completely fake of course but should I expect anything else? "It totally sucks that you got Cullen as your Bio partner. I suppose you'll have to be working twice as hard as everyone else to get yours done."

"As a matter of fact, I know that he's going to pull his weight as am I." I snapped back and she blinked at me in surprise. "You have no idea what you're talking about, Jessica, so I suggest you butt out."

"Is that why he's skipping today, huh?" She smirked at me, raising an eyebrow. "Didn't you know? Cullen often just doesn't turn up for school. He's off a lot. No one knows where he goes or why his parents or the teachers haven't done anything about it yet. Personally, I think it's because his dad's a high flying doctor who donates a lot to the school's charity functions. That's why they haven't done anything about it. If it were one of us being off as much as he was, we'd have been kicked out by now. Well, I guess that's what money's for, right?"

She turned away from me, seeming pleased with herself at filling me in on Edward's absence.

"Ignore her." I heard a tinkling voice say next to me. I turned to see the small black haired girl from yesterday smiling at me. "She's just sore because she's had this thing for him for years, finally got up the courage to ask him out and he turned her down. Not that I'm surprised. He would have been out of his mind to go out with her. In my opinion, anyway."

"Mine, too." I grinned at her and she laughed, a high sound, reminding me off the soft tinkling bells you hear when you enter an old shop of sorts.

"I'm Alice. Alice Brandon." She held out her hand and I took it. "You don't need to introduce yourself. Bella Swan." I nodded, raising an eyebrow at how she knew about the abbreviation. "I heard you correcting people yesterday, so I saved you the trouble."

"Fair enough." I shrugged and she giggled again. "Do you know why Edward's off all the time, then?"

She shook her head, her expression slightly sombre. "No one knows why he's off as much as he is. I don't think it's skipping though, because no matter how much his dad donates, the teachers would have said something by now. I don't know. It's not my business, so I don't dwell on it. I know that if he wanted someone to know, he would have told them by now. It's not like it's a new thing. It's been that way pretty much since the start of school."

"Huh." Well, what the hell was going on?

The day dragged and I wondered if Jessica was right about Edward actually being off or was just saying it to piss me off. Which she did. Maybe Lauren was right in her little jab at her yesterday, saying that she was just sore because of Edward's rejection.

Hell, being rejected by him was something that would knock any girl's self esteem.

Alice caught up to me at lunch and practically pulled me over to her table. I felt slightly awkward as she stood there introducing me to everyone.

None of them were as Jessica had described but then again, where's the surprise there?

Emmett was even bigger up close than he had been when I watched him crossing the cafeteria the previous day. Honestly, I couldn't see why people were wary of him. Sure he might be big, but I could see as soon as I sat down that he was nothing more than a big teddy bear. Maybe that was because I hadn't seen him on the field yet. I was sure he was completely different during a game. I was sure the teddy turned into a grizzly. Hell, by the end of lunch he actually come up with a nickname for me: Belly Bells.

Not quite sure how I feel about that one but I'll let it go because he was kind of adorable in a big lug kind of way.

Rosalie was not as icy as Jessica made out. Jessica had described her as being a complete bitch and even though she had looked me up and down as Alice introduced me, she loosened up as lunch went on. I will tell you now, my self esteem has never been so low as when sitting at a table with Rosalie Hale. She was beautiful and she had the personality to go with it.

Clearly people that thought she was a bitch were either bitches themselves or too intimidated by her looks to actually talk to her properly.

Jasper was not weird at all. Actually, I found him to be quite easy going and relaxed. He had a southern twang in his voice and when I asked, he proudly told me that he had been born and raised in Houston, Texas, having moved to Forks when he was twelve.

Alice was . . . Alice. She was as people had said extremely bubbly and happy. Rosalie informed me that they knew people thought she might have been on something, quickly dispelling the rumour before I had time to dwell on it and told me that the only thing she ingested too much of was caffeine. Apparently, she had too much of it on a daily basis causing the perky little hellion that paraded round the school.

I was glad that I'd had the chance to make some new friends that weren't all about bitching everyone else out and I couldn't help but grin to myself as I made my way to Biology.

Sitting down, I waited for the class to start, part of me wanting Edward to walk through the door and prove Jessica and the others wrong about him. But he never showed. He obviously wasn't in school tomorrow and I wondered what was going on with him. Did he really just skip as everyone thought he did? He couldn't do, could he?

Not as much as they said he did.

During the class, I made some notes on the different forms of hydrangea from the textbook I had but I knew it wasn't enough. I didn't know what type it was and apparently there were quite a few to choose from.

"Miss Swan, how is your project coming along?" I started slightly as Mr. Banner appeared in front of me. He gave me a small smile as he watched me.

"Um, Edward and I discovered that the bulb you gave us was a hydrangea," he nodded, indicating that we were right. _Go Edward's mom!_ "But we weren't able to discern what type it was. Edward has the bulb at his house and seeing as he's not here today, I was just making some notes on the different types of hydrangea and the environment each of them need."

"Very good, Miss Swan." He nodded, giving me another smile. "It's always good to be prepared in case a partner is off school. Hopefully, you'll be able to correspond over the weekend and get some more notes together." He let out a breath before continuing on and harassed those in the row behind me.

Correspond over the weekend?

How the hell was I supposed to do that? I didn't even have his phone number. All I knew was where he lived and I couldn't exactly turn up, could I?

Making my way home after gym, I felt tired and completely stressed out. I hated gym and everything that went with it. Not only were we still playing volleyball, but Coach Clapp had assigned Mike Newton to teach me how to 'conduct a proper spike' which didn't result in me learning anything about how to play volleyball – which I hate, so that was a moot point – and only got Mike a slap round the face for grabbing my ass.

Maybe I should have just screamed.

Pulling up in the driveway, I saw that Charlie was home. Did he have the day off today? I wasn't sure, but I didn't really want to ask as I wasn't sure I wanted to know.

"Ch-Dad?" I called as I entered the house and I heard his answering yell from the living room. Maybe he'd have a way to contact Edward. "You don't happen to have the number for the . . . Cullens, do you?" His last name was Cullen, right?

"Why do you want that?" He asked, sitting up straight.

"Because Edward wasn't in school and I need to talk to him about the project. Don't look at me like that." I rolled my eyes upon seeing his expression. I knew exactly what he was thinking and I didn't like it. "Like it or not, I have to work with him, alright. Now, do you have a number for them or not?"

He ran hand down his face, letting out a breath before grabbing a small notebook off the side table. He opened it to a page and handed it to me. Sitting there in front of me was Edward's home number and his parent's cells. It seemed like Charlie turned to this page a lot.

Maybe there was some truth to what he was saying about Edward.

I took the notebook into the kitchen, placing it on the table as I started dinner. I decided that it was probably better to let Charlie know I was still aware of the fact he probably hadn't really eaten today and that I was thinking about him.

Making a lasagne was easy to do and it didn't take very long at all. It would keep Charlie happy and it meant that we had leftovers for tomorrow.

As I slid the lasagne into the oven, I eyed the notebook on the table, picking it up. I bit down on my lip, sighing gently as I tapped it against my thigh, weighing up my options.

I took a breath as I lifted the phone off of the cradle on the wall and typed in the number written in front of me. I held the phone to my ear, my breathing a little shaky. Why the hell was I so nervous? I mean, it wasn't like I was calling to ask him to Sadie Hawkins or something like that. I was calling him about a school project.

"Hello?" I immediately recognised Mrs. Cullens' voice and I let out a breath of relief at the fact that a) I had the right number and b) it wasn't Edward that had picked up. I wasn't sure why I was happy about the second fact, but I was.

"Mrs. Cullen? It's Bella." I bit my lip again, wondering if she'd remember me.

"Bella!" She sounded happy to hear from me so that was a good thing, right? "What did I tell you? Call me Esme."

"Sorry, Mrs- Esme." I silently cursed myself as I stood there. "Um, is Edward there? I need to talk to him about our project."

"Of course, I'll get him for you." I heard the phone being placed on some kind of surface and the padding of footsteps as they moved away from the phone.

I was sure that the phone in their house had been forgotten as I waited for someone to return or to see the phone sitting on wherever it was and hang up. That would probably be what a normal person would do.

"Hello?" I jumped slightly at the masculine, slightly irritated voice coming through the receiver.

"Edward?" I rolled my eyes at how ridiculous I sounded. Who else was it going to be?

"Yeah?"

"It's Bella." I hoped he wasn't mad that I was calling his house. "I wanted to talk to you about our project."

"Oh." He sounded slightly taken aback by the statement. "What did you want to talk about?"

"Actually, I was wondering when we could meet up to work on it?" I cringed at how pathetic I sounded. "Banner wants to see some evidence of _correspondence_ over the weekend, so I figure it would be good for the both of us if we worked on it a little."

"Uh, yeah," I could hear the breath coming out of him and I knew I shouldn't have bothered. "Sounds about right. Um . . . did you want to come over tomorrow? If it's alright with your dad that is."

"Uh, yeah, tomorrow's good." I glanced at the doorway, seeing Charlie standing there, watching me, his eyes narrowed. I knew what he was thinking and I knew he knew who I was talking to. Not that it mattered. He wasn't going to stop me from doing what I wanted, especially when it came to school work. "Is noon okay for you?"

"Sure." He sighed and I wondered what he was thinking.

We both made sure we were on board for meeting tomorrow before hanging up. I felt slightly strange after hanging up with him, as though it was something I shouldn't have really done. It was as though something wasn't one hundred per cent copacetic in the Cullen household.

"What was that about?" Charlie asked and I rolled my eyes again, moving over to the oven to check the lasagne.

"The project." I answered shortly, knowing where he'd be going with this. "Banner wants us to work on it with our partners over the weekend, so I'm going to the Cullen's tomorrow."

"Will his parents be there?"

"Yes." I sighed, sounding pissed to my own ears.

"Look, Bella, I just don't want you getting hurt." He sounded weary and I knew he was just doing what he thought was right. I don't think he realised how much it aggravated me.

"Dad, look I get that, but I am old enough to look after myself. He knows that you know where I'm going to be, so even if there was a chance something was going to happen – which there isn't – then you'll know exactly where I'll be." I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. "Look, Dad, there's nothing to worry about. I went over there yesterday and I came back in one piece, right?" He sighed, nodding slowly. "You've got to let me do this, Dad. I've got to do this project. And who knows. You might be wrong about Edward."

"I doubt that, Bells." He shook his head before sitting down at the table as I turned to serve the food.

Dinner was silent but I could literally see the wheels turning in Charlie's head. I knew he was planning something and I also knew, I didn't want to know what it was.

. . . . . . . .

Pulling up to the Cullens' house the next day, I was as nervous as I had been the previous night on the phone. Why was I so goddamn nervous? It wasn't like I hadn't been here before. I mean, he knew I was coming and his parents were home, right?

Taking a deep breath, I climbed out of my truck and turned to face the door, starting slightly when I saw Edward already leaning against the doorframe.

"Don't look so surprised." He laughed, stepping back to give me room to walk through. "You can hear that thing from a mile away."

"Stop hating on the truck." I pointed at him , giving him a mock glare and he laughed. Who knew that laughter could sound so beautiful? "He's awesome."

"_He_?" He asked, closing the door, his eyebrow raising.

"Trevor." I nodded and he shook his head, still chuckling.

"Trevor the truck." I nodded, liking the name even more. Apparently, Edward did not share my love of the name because he shook his head before glancing at me again, "Should I be worried?"

"Not a chance." I shot back, smirking at him. "What's wrong with the name?"

"Nothing's wrong with the name, it's just that thing looks like it's going to break down as soon as it gets above fifty." He snickered and I scowled at him, feeling the blush rise in my cheeks.

"Well, that won't happen because it doesn't go over fifty." I replied quietly and he stood there, looking a little stunned.

"It doesn't go over fifty?" He asked slowly and I nodded, not meeting his eye. "Oh, dear."

"Anyway, enough bashing my truck." I waved him off, trying to wipe that annoying smile off his face. "Shall we get down to the Biology?"

"Sure." He held out a hand, gesturing for me to go in front of him.

Walking through the house, he overtook me and I noticed we weren't heading towards the staircase and his room as we had the last time. We headed into a rather elaborate looking dining room instead. There was a long oak table running directly down the centre, with what appeared to be matching chairs surrounding it.

Edward walked over to a dresser on the other side of the room and pulled out a large white cloth. He quickly spread it over the table, covering it completely.

"My mom'll kill me if there are any marks on this table." He shrugged, giving me a sheepish smile. Again with the sweet Edward I'd seen on Thursday. I really couldn't associate this Edward with the Edward that everyone was telling me was a jerk. "Come on." He grabbed his bag off the floor and placed it on a chair before sitting down on the one next to it. He pulled out the chair next to him, indicating for me to sit down, which I did.

"Your parents not home?" I asked, wondering where they were. Surely they would both be home at the weekend, right?

"My dad was called into the hospital and my mom's in Port Angeles picking some stuff up." He shrugged, not really showing any emotion about being left alone for such a long period of time. To most it was a time for doing whatever the hell you wanted when you knew that neither of your parents were going to be home soon. I mean, Port Angeles was about an hour away right, so that gave him at least two hours of free time, plus however long it took her to get whatever she needed in the town.

"Your dad at the hospital every day?" Maybe I'd get to inadvertently meet him at some point.

He shook his head, sighing softly. "He was on call this weekend. Apparently there was an accident just outside the town and he got called in a couple of hours ago. It's a regular thing."

"Gotta be hard." I said softly and he looked at me, something lying underneath his currently blank expression that I couldn't read. "Not being able to see your dad for long periods of time."

"It's what he does." He shrugged. "My mom and I both know that his work is important and he spends as much time with us as he can. It's just the way things are. I mean, you spent years not seeing your dad properly, right?" How did he know? "My dad and your dad talk. It's inevitable that we find things out." Okay then.

"I guess, but like you said, it's the way it is." I shrugged, not really wanting to talk about my being shipped back and forth for summers with my father. Now that my mom and her new husband were fulfilling their 'honeymoon stage' it seemed right to spend time with Charlie.

It seemed that that conversation was done.

We settled easily into a routine, the bulb sitting in a little glass dish in front of us. We were both combing through the various gardening books his mother had, considering she had been nice enough to tell us what it was, she wasn't going to give us all the information she knew on the bulb. According to Edward, she knew what species it was, but wasn't going to make it that easy for us.

At least we had a starting point, right?

I glanced over at Edward as he reached across the table, grabbing another book. I saw the sleeve on his right arm pull up slightly, revealing what looked to be yet another bruise on his wrist. Or rather, a series of bruises. Where the hell had they come from? They hadn't been there the other night.

I thought back, my jaw dropping open when I realised that that had been the arm I'd grabbed when I'd seen the bruise on his arm. There was no way I could have caused that, right?

He looked at me, his gaze travelling to the marks on his wrist and he pulled the sleeve of his shirt down again.

"That . . . that's not from where I grabbed you, is it?" I asked, my voice small, not wanting to think that I had done that to him. I couldn't have, could I? He didn't answer me, looking down at the book he had picked up. "It is, isn't it?"

"Anaemic, remember?" He looked up at me, his expression blank, his eyes telling me more than I could possibly comprehend. There was something more going on here. Something he wasn't going to share. At least, not right now. "I told you, I bruise easily. Not something that can be helped."

"So that was me, then?"

"Yes, it's from where you grabbed my wrist the other night." He sighed frustrated, shaking his head and closing the book. "Is that what you wanted to hear? That you managed to bruise me? What? Going to go and blab that to your little friends?"

I recoiled at his words, knowing that he didn't realise I hadn't actually spoken to Jessica or any of the others since yesterday in homeroom. He hadn't been in school so there was no way that he could have known. He sighed again, this time a sound of resignation emanating from his chest.

"Look, I – I'm sorry." He bit down on his lip, looking away from me. "It's just . . . I get enough from my parents about it. I just don't want anyone else getting on my back about it."

"It's not your fault you're anaemic." I didn't understand why his parents would be on at him about it.

"_Don't lean on the edge. You'll bruise."_

I could hear Esme's words in my mind as though she'd spoken them in my ear. He didn't want anyone making a fuss over something he couldn't control. Of course there were worse things out there than anaemia, but I knew he had to be careful.

"I'm sure they're not too hard." I shrugged and he shook his head, chuckling once.

"You have no idea."

"Try being the clumsiest child in Phoenix." I challenged and he looked at me, an eyebrow raised, clearly urging me to continue. "I swear, hands down, there was never a clumsier child than I was. I still am extremely uncoordinated. It's all I can do to walk across a flat surface without tripping. I knew all of the staff in the ER in Phoenix by name and the shifts they'd work. If they gave out points like they do flyer miles, I'd be getting free healthcare."

"Sounds . . . entertaining." He smirked at me and I could have smacked him. Though I think that if I did, I would have created yet another bruise. I didn't want to risk that so I kept my hands to myself. It seemed there was a playful side to Edward Cullen that no one seemed to know about.

Other than his parents, maybe.

"So . . . where were you yesterday?" I asked, wondering if he'd tell me. He had no reason to, of course, but it'd be nice to know.

"I had some things that needed taking care of." He replied, hedging around the question and giving me the vaguest answer possible.

"So you just skipped?"

"I never said that." The expression on his face, urged me to drop it, so I did. I had the feeling that there was more to what he was telling me but it wasn't my business. Unlike Jessica Stanley, I didn't want to put my nose somewhere it didn't belong.

We worked for a little while longer before his mom came back. She seemed pleased to see me, her gaze turning to one of sadness as she took in the bruises that had reappeared with the movement of Edward's arm.

I wonder what that was about.

It's not like anaemia was life threatening. Well, I guess it could be but managed in the right way, it was fine, right?

We were startled out of our quiet conversation about our project by the phone ringing in the next room. Esme jumped up to get it, leaving Edward and I watching after her, him slightly amused and me a little bewildered. I guess he was used to this kind of behaviour from his mother.

"Your mom's great." I really liked his mom. She seemed like the kind of mom everyone wanted to have but only a few were blessed with. Edward was one of those lucky few.

"Yeah, she is." His tone was laced with a kind of reverence I hadn't heard before. It was as though he was seeing something that the rest of the world was not privy to. I could see the respect and love he had for his mother as he watched the direction she had moved in.

It wasn't something you really saw in anyone these days.

"Edward." Her voice called through from the other room, a sadness tingeing her words. It sounded as though there were tears waiting to break through as she motioned for him to follow her.

He got up immediately, rushing to her before taking the phone and holding it to his ear. He listened for a few moments before stiffening and leaning against the wall. His fingers clenched around the receiver and I knew that our work time had come to an end.

He handed the phone back to his mom and turned to face me again. There was a look of utter devastation on his face and I swore I could see tears trying to build. He was trying not to let them fall as he stood there.

"I'll go." I whispered, giving him a small smile. He didn't return it, only nodding as I packed up my things.

"I'm sorry." He said softly, shaking his head. "There's um . . . there's just something I need to do."

"It's okay." I stopped in front of him, slowly reaching up and running the backs my fingers over his cheek. He closed his eyes, letting out a slow breath as I held my hand there for a few moments. "You don't have to explain. I can see that there's something going on and it's nothing to do with me." He opened his eyes, the brilliant green shining with unshed tears. "I'll see you on Monday."

He nodded and I made my way to the front door, letting myself out. Esme was nowhere to be seen and somehow I didn't really think that I was at the top of her worry list at the moment.

For the second time in as many visits, I left the Cullen house with more questions than when I had arrived.

The real question was: would I ever get any answers?

. . . . . .

_**What do you think the phone call was about?**_


	5. Chapter 4

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognised characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. The plot and any characters added in are mine.**_

_**There were lots of guesses as to the phone call at the end of chapter three, so let's see if you were right.**_

_**Edward**_

Being with Bella was surprisingly easy. She was the only one other than my mother, father, Tanya and several nurses at the hospital, I had actually spoken to in I couldn't remember how long.

I didn't like to get close to people. You never knew how much you could impact someone's life. My mom made me watch a movie a little while ago and one of the lines really hit me. 'Our fingerprints never fade from the lives we touch.' It was such a true statement. You never knew what could happen and you never knew who you could hurt or could hurt you.

I didn't want to risk that happening.

Call me a coward or whatever you will, but I've seen enough pain in my life and I don't want to bring any more on myself.

Working on the Bio project with Bella, while required, was actually something I didn't mind doing. She didn't feel the need to fill the silence with mindless chatter as others would, rather preferring to sit and work through her books, occasionally asking if I'd discovered anything and offering slight opinions.

Of course it had gotten a little awkward when she saw the bruises on my wrist but what the hell was I expecting? She knew they were from where she had grabbed me the other night and while it wasn't that hard, I did mark easily. It's one of the many reasons I wasn't allowed to participate in gym.

She didn't question me on my excuse of being anaemic, which was a complete lie. I had the feeling that she wasn't going to accept that as the only explanation and I warned myself to be wary of her. Who knew what she could figure out through little clues alone? I didn't want her to find out. I didn't want anyone to find out. If people knew, then everything would be different.

Tanya was testament to that.

Kids can be such assholes.

Instead of lingering on what I'd said, she informed me that she had been a regular visitor to the ER back in Phoenix. I couldn't help but smile as she sat there and told me about how she knew the names and shifts of the staff. I could imagine what it must have been like. I bet she even had her own seat in the waiting room, purely for her.

When my mom came home she grinned at Bella as though she had just handed her the last drop of water when she was dying of thirst. I didn't miss the look she shot me. I hated that look. It was one that silently told me she wished I was closer to people, that I made more of an effort with my peers. Didn't she understand I didn't want to be sociable?

Of course not. My mom was popular in high school.

She sat and spoke with us for a few minutes before the phone rang. Bella looked at me, a smile playing on her lips before looking back to the doorway my mom had passed through.

"Your mom's great." She said softly and I nodded. She had no idea.

"Yeah, she is." In my opinion, there was no one stronger than my mother. She had put up with so much bullshit through the course of my life because of this fucking disease and she never once made any complaint about it. She had put herself and her own well being on hold to make sure that I had everything I needed. She went out of her way to make sure that I was comfortable and holding onto what form of health I could. She was always the first one there when there were any signs of a relapse and she had always held my hand through chemo and radiotherapy. I could see it pained her to see me that way, but she surged forward, facing the fears she had so that I wouldn't be afraid.

There was no one else like my mother.

"Edward." Her voice was small as she called me through to the other room.

I made my way over to her and she held the phone out to me. She shook her head, her expression slightly worried and tinged with sadness. What was going on?

"Hello?" I said quietly into the receiver, holding it up to my ear.

"Edward, its Charlotte." I stiffened at the amount of devastation in those three words. Something had happened with Tanya. She couldn't be gone. She had to be here. I knew she wasn't going to be okay, but I needed her. The two of us had always been together in this. "Tanya's . . . she's not . . ."

"What?" My voice was nothing more than a whisper as I inhaled, closing my eyes, willing the tears away. I couldn't cry. Not while Bella was here in the other room. "What happened, Charlotte?"

"We got results back . . . she's stopped resp . . . she's not . . . it's not doing any good." She was sobbing on the other end of the phone and I felt my heart break.

Tanya had stopped responding to the treatment. Her body was giving up on her.

She wasn't going to make it.

I heard the phone clatter to the floor on the other end of the line and took the pone away from my ear, pressing the end call button. I knew Charlotte and Peter, Tanya's father, wouldn't be in any state to talk any more right now. They had just discovered that despite their best efforts, their youngest daughter was going to die at the tender age of seventeen.

I handed the phone back to my mom and turned to face Bella. She watched me carefully as she packed up her things, realising that our little session was over now. "I'll go." She whispered gently, standing up.

"I'm sorry." I shook my head, trying to figure out how to explain this without letting her know anything. I couldn't let anyone know. I just . . . couldn't. "There's um . . . there's just something I need to do."

"It's okay." She walked around the table, stopping in front of me. There was a tender expression on her face as she watched me. She slowly reached up, her fingers brushing against my cheek gently, nothing more than a featherlight touch. I closed my eyes, my breath escaping me through my nose slowly as her hand rested against the side of my face for the next few moments. "You don't have to explain. I can see that there's something going on and it's nothing to do with me." I opened my eyes to look at her and she was watching me with an expression that said she was there if I needed to talk. I doubted I would take her up on her silent offer. "I'll see you on Monday."

I nodded and she made her way out to the front door, quietly closing it behind her. I stood there, my eyes closed as the first tear ran down my face. I leaned back against the wall, sliding down it as I heard her monstrous truck start up.

Wrapping my arms around my legs, I rested my forehead on my knees as sobs started to wrack through my body. My mom was there instantly, her arms around me, her fingers running through my hair.

"It's Tanya." I heard her suck in a breath, her grip on me tightening slightly. "She's stopped responding to treatments." I looked up at my mom to see tears slowly making their way down her cheeks. "This is it. She's not going to make it."

"Sssh, baby." She pulled me into her as I wrapped my arms around her waist, my head on her shoulder. She continued to rub small circles on the bottom of my back, her fingers on her other hand playing with my hair gently. She had always said that those two motions together had always calmed me down when I was little. "It's alright. It's going to be alright."

"Will you be saying the same thing when it's me?" I asked, my voice quiet and she stilled, pulling away from me slightly. The look on her face was one of utter devastation.

"It's not going to be you, Edward." Her voice was firm, confident. I knew she didn't want to believe that some day, I would most likely be sharing the same fate Tanya was now. "It's not going to be you."

"Yes, it is, Mom." I shook my head, looking up at her. She closed her eyes, turning her head away from me slightly. Tears were streaming down her face, appearing from under her closed lids as she sniffed, using her hand to try and brush them away. "Mom, its gonna be me someday. And probably someday soon. We both know this remission's not going to last forever. They never do."

"You can't think like that, baby." She sounded so heartbroken and I felt bad. She had given up her life to care for me and here I was giving up before my time had even come.

"It doesn't matter." I shook my head, looking up at her. "I need to go and see her." She nodded, standing up. She pulled me up carefully, before wrapping her arms around me again. She pulled away, her green eyes clear and watery as she gazed up at me. She fingertips hovered over the place Bella had brushed her fingers over my cheeks before she pulled her hand away.

"Don't shut her out, baby." She whispered before walking away to put her shoes and coat on. She picked up her keys, waiting for me as I stood there bewildered as to what the fuck that meant.

_Don't shut her out?_

I shook my head, trying to get all remnants of Bella out of my mind as I slipped on my shoes and coat, following her out the door.

The drive to the hospital was short but tense. I wasn't sure that my mother even realised she had spoken the words about Bella, but they were still running clear in my mind as we drove.

Racing up onto the oncology ward though, Bella was the furthest thing from my mind.

I ignored the nurses, who were used to me coming and going anyway, so didn't really pay me any mind and made my way to Tanya's room. Charlotte and Peter were there, sitting on either side of their frail daughter. They both looked up at me as I appeared in the doorway and I felt bad for interrupting whatever moment they may have been having with her.

"Edward," Charlotte's voice was nothing more than a whispered sigh. She stood up, walking over to me, her arms outstretched. She pulled me into a hug and I wrapped my arms around the tiny woman. She was in the same league as my mother, in my book. They both deserved awards for what they had been through.

Peter nodded at me, seeming unable to find his voice and they both left me alone with Tanya. I turned to look at her, seeing her lying there, barely there. She had lost a lot of weight, but then again, chemo tended to do that to her. I had seen her lose maybe two stone as a result of treatment and it made my heart hurt to think of the discomfort she was in.

"Hey," her voice was raspy and weak and I cursed myself as a small sob escaped me. I took her hand in mine, placing a kiss to her fingers before I rested my head on the side of the bed. She didn't deserve this. She was the kindest, sweetest girl I had ever known. She was my best and only friend. She meant more to me than anyone could ever know. "Hey, it's alright."

"No, it's not." I look up at her, shaking my head as tears decided they were going to make their appearance. "It's not alright, Tan. Look at yourself. There's nothing left of you. You're so weak and I can't stand it."

"I'm okay." She whispered, her eyes never leaving mine. How was it she could have gone from alright when I saw her on Thursday night – or would it have been Friday morning? I don't know which one it was – and turned into this tiny, weak girl in front of me. She was completely different. How could so much change in less than a day?

But then again, that's the life we lead. Who knew what was going to happen next?

"I'm going to be alright, Eddie." She whispered, her thin fingers squeezing mine gently. "I'm going to be okay. Don't worry about me. I don't mind it killing me. I just don't want it to hurt anyone else. Like it's hurting you."

I knew she didn't mean the fact that I too was a leukemic sufferer. She meant that the fact she was fading and suffering was hurting me in a way she didn't want. I knew she was in pain and I knew she wanted it to be over. She wasn't afraid of death and on some level, neither was I. I guess it was something you learned to accept when dealing with cancer.

On the other hand, she was embracing death, because it meant she no longer had to suffer. She wouldn't have to go through endless treatments that wore her down and made her feel like shit. She would be free from all of that.

Letting her go was going to hurt like hell, but I knew I needed to.

"I love you, Tawny." I whispered, pressing a kiss to her hand and she smiled gently.

"I love you, too, Eddie-bear." Let it be known that she is the only one _ever_ allowed to call me that.

"My God, I'm going to miss you." I couldn't stop the tears from falling as I sat next to her. She meant so much to me. I didn't know if I could say goodbye to her after all.

"You don't have to." I looked up at her, confused and she smiled at me. "Because there's no way I'm ever leaving you alone. I'm always gonna be there, Eddie. No matter what."

"You better be." She gave out a small chuckle and I couldn't help but smile.

I sat there with her until she fell asleep, the beeping of the heart monitor and her shallow breathing the only thing that allowed me to know she was actually still alive.

"I'm gonna miss you, Tawny." I whispered, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to her forehead.

I made my way back out onto the ward, the tears still fresh on my face and my mom rushed towards me. She wrapped her arms around me as we sank onto one of the sofas they had positioned in the main area. I let the tears flow for a while, not moving other than to move so that my head was resting my mother's lap rather than her shoulder. I slipped my shoes off, lifting my feet up onto the sofa next to me as she sat there, not saying a word, letting the tears fall.

I closed my eyes as I lay there with my mom, her fingertips gently scraping along my scalp. She loved my hair, relishing the colour and texture of it when I was in remission long enough for it to grow out. It had been about nine months since I'd been given the all clear by Dr. Aro and it had grown back. I didn't know how much more it could take though. Something told me that after a while, your hair stops growing back. I couldn't be sure.

"Miss Esme." I clenched my eyes together upon hearing the small voice next to my ear. I knew it to be Benjamin a small boy who lived nearly permanently on the ward. He was seven years old and I didn't know that he'd actually left in a good long while. He suffered from something called Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma and while I didn't know much about it, I knew it was nasty. I pressed my face into my mom's stomach as she gently rubbed my shoulder, trying for some comfort. "Is Edward okay?"

I couldn't bear to look at him as he stood there in front of my mom. A shitty thing to think and do but I couldn't help it.

"No, Benny." She sighed and I could feel her eyes on me as I lay there. In that instant I felt like her little boy again, Benny's age and needing nothing more than his mom, not realising how much of a fucked up world he actually lived in. "He's had some bad news."

"Is everything gonna be okay?" He didn't question her in the usual way a seven year old would. Having spent so much time in here, he knew that bad things happened and people didn't come back. It was a fucked up thing to have to know about at such a young age, but it was the life we lived.

"I don't know." There was no sense in lying to him and my mom knew that.

"He just needs his mom." How the hell could a seven year old be thinking the same thing? "You'll make him feel better."

"I hope so." She whispered and I heard him move away. As soon as he did, I heard the seat next to where my mom and I were move as someone sat down. "Hey, Maggie."

"How's he doing?" Her tone conveyed nothing but sympathy and sadness. She had grown close to Tanya as well, having been on the ward before either of us were diagnosed. She said that she had found it hard not to get attached to the two of us, especially when we showed strength for the other through treatment.

Maggie had a heart of gold and I loved her for it.

"Not so good." My mom sighed, her hand stopping to rest on my shoulder. I could feel them both watching me, so I increased my grip on my mom, pressing my face further into her. She held onto me as tightly as she dared as Maggie sighed next to her. "Tanya's deterioration has hit him hard."

"I'm not surprised." She sighed. I felt her fingertips brush the ends of my hair gently. "The two of them were always together. There was never one without the other when they're in here. I hate that it has to end this way."

"What's the plan of action?" Why would my mom ask that? She wasn't thinking about that as well, was she? I mean, I knew that Tanya's fate would probably be my own at some point, but I didn't think it would be right now.

"I think they've spoken with the Make A Wish Foundation, you know, find out what Tanya really wants to do before . . . I'm not really sure what they're planning on doing. I don't think it's sunk in yet."

"How long?" I didn't want to hear this. I didn't think I could hear this.

"A month. At the most."

I somehow managed to pull myself closer to my mother as I heard Maggie's words. I knew she was close to the end, but hearing that she had less than a month left to live really hit home. My mom and Maggie didn't say anything as I lay there crying. They both knew how much she meant to me and how there were no words to comfort me.

I wasn't sure how long I lay there, sobbing into my mother's stomach but she didn't complain once. I knew it was time to go when I felt my eyelids starting to droop, sleeping threatening to take over. I didn't want to fall asleep here, so I slowly sat up, taking a deep breath.

"Hey," my mom rested her cheek on my shoulder, wrapping her arms around me. "It's going to be okay."

"No it's not." I said softly, shaking my head and she frowned at me. She hated my pessimistic attitude, but at the moment, I couldn't find it in me to care.

"Ready to go?" I nodded, slipping on my shoes and jacket. I walked over to the window that lined the wall on Tanya's room. Charlotte and Peter were in there sitting either side of her again and I felt yet another tear break free.

How did I have any tears left?

"Come on, sweetie." My mom walked up behind me, placing her hand on my back but I shook my head.

"I, um . . . I'll meet you by the entrance to the ward. I need to talk to Dr. Aro about something. Alone." Though she tried to hide it and succeeded for the most part, I could see the slight hurt in my mother's eyes. She might be worried about me and I might love her more than anything else in the world, but there was something I needed to talk to Dr. Aro about. And I had to do it alone.

She nodded, turning away from me and walking towards the exit. I took a deep breath and went to find Dr. Aro, finding him coming out of a little girl's room. She had to be no older than five and her parents looked like they hadn't slept in about four months. Probably hadn't really.

"Dr. Aro." I called him and he turned to me, a small but sad smile on his face. Of course he knew why I was here today. He treated Tanya as well as myself so my presence wouldn't be a surprise.

"What can I do for you, Edward?" He asked, his tone conveying how he wished he could take my every request and make it happen.

Most doctors didn't really get to converse with their patients. For the most part, it was the nurses that learned the quirks of a patient, what they liked and didn't like, their favourite foods from the cafeteria or even whether they preferred water or ice chips. Doctors didn't really linger, popping in when they made rounds and getting their information off of a chart at the end of the bed.

Dr. Aro wasn't like that. He got to know each and every one of his patients on a personal level. He knew practically everything about me and I, in turn, had heard several embarrassing stories of his and tales of his wife and children.

"I wanted to ask you something."

. . . . . .

Walking down the stairs on Sunday morning, I knew I would have a hard time getting past my mother. She had been keeping an eagle eye on me since the bruise came up on Thursday and while I understood why, it was getting rather annoying.

"Any plans for today, baby?" She asked giving me a smile as I sat down.

"I was going to go into Port Angeles today." Wait for it . . .

"No." Her answer was firm and I looked up at her.

"Mom, there are some things I need to do."

"Then do them in Forks." She argued, turning away from me.

"I _can't_ do them in Forks." I shot back and she turned around, her stare fixed on me. I stared right back, not giving in on this. I couldn't do what I needed to in Forks and I couldn't tell her what it was. She would never let me go through with it. I hoped I would be able to do it, considering I was still only seventeen. I still had another three months until I was eighteen. I needed to do this before I lost Tanya. She had to know. And I remembered what Maggie had said before my mom and I left the hospital last night. Tanya didn't have three months left. She had a month, at the most. "I'll have my phone on me in case I need you. Mom, I know you worry . . . but I'll be fine."

She sighed and I felt my hope rising. The expression of air through her nose always meant she was giving in. She looked at me, not liking the idea at all but knowing I could be a stubborn ass when I wanted to be. Much like she could.

"Alright." She sighed, shaking her head and turning away from me slightly. "But you _must_ keep your phone on at all times and I don't want you riding that bike. I've taken both sets of keys for it, so don't even think about it."

"What?" She'd taken the keys to my bike? What the hell?

"You know how much I hate that thing, Edward. I have no idea why your father bought it for you." She shook her head again. She'd always hated my bike and I guess I knew why. But still, it wouldn't really matter if I was healthy and had it. One accident and splat! Yeah, I could see her point. But that wasn't the point. That bike was my baby and she knew how much I loved it. "You've still got the Volvo."

Ah, yes. The Volvo my mother had insisted I have. She said that it was the safer option than my bike. Apparently Volvo's were 'solid' as she'd put it and were extremely safe.

Oh well, at least I still had some form of transportation.

I think that if my mom really had her way, I'd never drive anywhere again.

"I'll see you later, mom." I stood up, giving her a kiss on the cheek and she smiled up at me. "I love you."

"Love you, too, baby boy." I could hear the wistfulness in her voice and could practically see the memories of me as a healthy four year old playing in her mind. Going back to before I was diagnosed with leukaemia. Back when they had nothing to worry about other than scraped knees and no sugar before bedtime. Back before everything changed.

I had been told so many times that I shouldn't have made it past ten years old. That it was a miracle the treatments I received were still working. I expected that each time I went into the hospital, the doctors and nurses were waiting for them to stop. For it to finally be my time to go.

My heart clenched as I drove, my thoughts flicking to Tanya. I bit my lip, willing the tears away. I had been driving for half an hour and couldn't really stop here. I took a deep breath, focusing on why I was making this trip.

As I pulled into Port Angeles, I took a look at one of the sheets of paper I had on the passenger seat. I looked out of the window at the shop next to me, knowing I had the right place.

_Breaking Dawn Tattoos._

I climbed out of the car, grabbing the second sheet, it having what I wanted on it. I hoped they wouldn't turn me away. I needed to do this, not just for myself but for Tanya. She needed to know that she would never be forgotten.

My mother was going to kill me and tell me I was being reckless and stupid with my health. She was say that there was no way that we could predict what effect it would have on me, but I already knew it was safe.

_Flashback_

"_I wanted to ask you something."_

"_Of course, what is it, my boy?" He smiled at me, knowing how difficult being here was for me now._

"_Okay," I let out a breath, running my hand through my hair and pulling out a piece of paper I had in my pocket. I had had it on me constantly for about three weeks, ever since I completed the drawing. Having it on me somewhere made me feel better for some reason. I couldn't be quite sure why. I handed it to Dr. Aro and he looked from the drawing, back to me._

"_I'm not sure I understand, Edward?" He handed the paper back to me and I folded it again, running it between my fingers._

"_I um . . . I wanted to get it . . . as a tattoo." I breathed and his eyebrows shot up, clearly thinking I was out of my mind. I might be, you never know. "I just wanted to know if it was safe for me to do that."_

"_Does your mother know you're thinking this?" I shook my head and he chuckled gently. "I didn't think so." He let out a breath, something running through his head. "Well, you've been in remission for nine months already, so that's the best starting point. From your test results on Thursday, your white blood cell and platelet levels are looking good. If you're one hundred per cent sure about it, then it should be okay. But . . ." He held up a finger, giving me a stern look. "I want you to come and see me after you get it done. Just to make sure everything's okay." _

"_Of course." I nodded, tucking the paper back into my pocket. "If you didn't think it was okay for me to do, I wouldn't do it. Thank you."_

_I turned around making my way towards where my mom was waiting for me. I knew she would be getting antsy and wouldn't wait much longer._

"_Edward?" I turned as he called me. "It might be wise to let your mother know as well."_

_I gave him a smirk before turning back around. I knew it was wrong, but there was no way I was telling my mother what I was planning. She would freak and probably lock me in the house until I had an appointment here._

_No, I had to do this on my own._

_For Tanya._

_End Flashback_

Walking into the shop, I was hit with the sound of Five Finger Death Punch pouring through the speakers mounted on the walls. I gazed around, mesmerised by the photographs and artwork. I turned as I heard footsteps coming from the back room. A guy appeared, probably in his mid-forties, ash blonde hair, covered in tattoos. He looked me up and down before taking the few steps down to the main level of the shop.

"What can I do for you . . .?" He paused, looking for my name, obviously.

"Edward." I held out my hand and he took it, still appraising me as it would seem. Surely, I was out of place here, completely devoid of any piercings or tattoos. I knew I didn't fit in, but I needed to get this done.

"Riley." He nodded, crossing his arms over his chest. "What can I do for you?"

I held out the paper and he took it, unfolding it, his expression shifting as he saw what was drawn there. He looked at me, judging my expression. I didn't know how I looked, but I hoped it was determined.

"Alright." He nodded, looking back down at the drawing. "Gimme ten minutes." I nodded, sitting down on one of the sofas provided.

Ten minutes later, he called me over and I walked up the two steps to where he was. He leaned back, showing me what he had in front of him and I nodded. It was exactly what I wanted.

A few minutes later he had made the stencil and had transferred it onto my right inner forearm, preparing the needles and such he would need.

"You sure about this?" He looked at me one last time as he let the machine buzz a couple of times and I nodded, resting my head back. "Not something you can get rid of."

"I don't want to be able to get rid of it." I said softly and he nodded, starting up the machine. I closed my eyes as the needle touched my skin, marking the start of something I knew I would carry for the rest of my life.

"How old are you exactly, 'cause I know you ain't eighteen." If he knew I wasn't eighteen, then why the hell was he doing this? He should have asked me for ID yet he hadn't. Why was he concerned now, when he had already started?

"Seventeen." I replied quietly, letting out a breath. "I'll be eighteen in three months."

"Why not wait till then to get it done?" He looked up at me as he dipped the needle back into the small pot of ink he had next to him.

"Because she doesn't have three months." I whispered and he looked up at me, a familiar pain in his eyes. "If you knew I wasn't eighteen, then how come you're doing this? Why didn't you just tell me to get lost?"

He sighed gently, putting the machine down and reaching over to the sleeve of his t-shirt on his left arm. He pulled it up, revealing a pink ribbon with a name running down one side. _Bree_.

"Two years ago." He shook his head, allowing the material to cover the tattoo. "She found a lump, six months later she was gone. I know how fucking painful it is to lose someone, especially to something as fucked as cancer. It doesn't just kill them, it rips a part of you away as well."

"I know." I whispered, closing my eyes.

"Something tells me you know both sides." He looked up at me as he picked up the machine again, getting back to the tattoo on my arm.

"Yeah." I nodded, though he was concentrating on the work he was doing.

"I hope you've talked to your doctor about this." He looked up at me, completely serious and I nodded.

"Yeah, he said that it was fine but he wants me to check in with him when it's finished." He nodded, agreeing. "I've been in remission for nine months, and all my results are good, so he gave me to go ahead."

"Girl must mean a lot to you."

"She's been there with me since we were ten. She's been there through everything since I first met her. Now, she's taken a turn for the worse and the doctors are saying she's got less than a month left." I shook my head, feeling the familiar sting of tears pricking at my eyes. I couldn't cry anymore. I didn't have the energy.

"It's fucking shit, is what it is." He had a real way with words, huh?

"I guess . . . I guess part of me was hoping that . . . I'd be the first to go." I hadn't ever admitted that to anyone. Not even my parents knew that I felt that way. So why was I sat here telling a stranger? Maybe it was _because_ he was a stranger and didn't have any preconceptions about who I was. "I don't know . . . I just . . ."

"Don't want to see her suffer." I nodded, amazed at how well he knew. "You think she'd want to see you suffer? Because I can tell you, if she cares about you half as much as you seem to care about her, there's no way on this earth she'd want to see you in pain."

"I'm not the one who's dying, though." I sighed and he shook his head.

"In a sense, we're all fucking dying. It's all we do from the day we're born. Sure, we may grow bigger and learn shit, but in essence, all everyone single person on this shitting planet is doing is filling the time until death comes knocking. Some people just aren't lucky enough to get through it without any problems." For a guy that looked like the epitome of a delinquent, Riley was more philosophical than he seemed. He was right, though. Everyone dies. It doesn't matter who you are, death doesn't care. It doesn't care whether you're the lowliest person in society or the Queen of England. Everyone meets the same end sooner or later.

We sat in silence for the rest of the session, the only sounds being that of the machine and the music pumping through the shop.

"There you are." He put the machine down once again, stripping his gloves off and I looked down at my arm. I couldn't help but smile as I saw it.

It was exactly as I'd imagined it would be. It was Tanya's name, running up the length of my arm, a swallow taking flight just above the 'y' and the 'a'. The swallow was her favourite bird, so it worked perfectly with what I wanted. There was also an orange ribbon wrapped around the lower part of the 'T' showing the world what had caused her pain. Those who knew that the orange ribbon represented leukaemia would know and those who didn't would just be nosy enough to look it up.

"It's perfect." I whispered and he nodded, having cleaned up while I was admiring his work. He rubbed some sort of goo onto it before wrapping it in gauze.

I gave him the cash and he handed me a pot of something called 'Tattoo Goo'. He told me that it helps with the healing and I gave him a small smile before exiting the shop.

Something inside of me felt a little lighter knowing that I now had something to tell the world that there were people fighting against an unseen enemy.

I would stop in and see Dr. Aro tomorrow after school. I had promised him that I would go and see him once I'd had it done. I also wanted to show Tanya, so I could visit her as well. Getting back in my car, I let out a breath, knowing that I had just cleared the first hurdle I would have to overcome in my letting Tanya go. She was ready, so there was nothing more for me to do.

I didn't know how I was going to cope without her with me.

She had been there through everything with me. She had sat there through our simultaneous dialysis appointments, waited with me for results, sat with me when I was puking my guts up through chemo and had put up with my mood swings and constant bitching through treatment.

How could I let her go?

First things first though. I had to get past my mother without her seeing the tattoo.

I wanted Tanya to be the first one to see it after Dr. Aro made sure everything was okay.

This was not going to be easy.

. . . . . .


	6. Chapter 5

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognised characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. The plot and any characters added in are mine.**_

_**I suck majorly at updates, but I can tell you that I'm away for the weekend, so I'll be updating the next chapter a little later on, rather than on Saturday as planned.**_

_**It's a little shorter than the others as well, but it's important.**_

_**Bella**_

As I left Edward's house, I knew there was something else going on. It wasn't my place to ask, yet I was undoubtedly curious.

Something was hurting him. Something was causing him enough pain to reduce him to tears – though he hadn't shown them while I was there, I knew he must have let them out after I'd left – and I didn't like it. Some part of me wanted to take him and shield him from whatever the hurt was.

That part confused me very muchly.

When I got back to the house, I hadn't managed to sort anything in my head out. If anything, I was more confused than ever.

Charlie, Jessica and everyone else I mentioned Edward's name to, was sure that he was a no-good asshole. They all condemned him and none of them really had any reasons for it. Well, Charlie did because DUI and vandalism were always going to put you in the Chief of Police's bad books. But the others?

Well, Jessica was obviously sore that he had turned her down. Both Alice and Lauren had told me that. Well, Alice told me and Lauren kind of jeered it at Jessica like she was a fool for even trying. So that one was a no brainer.

Because he had enough sense to steer clear of the walking STD banner, he was an asshole.

Obviously Mike, Tyler and all the others were jealous of Edward. I mean, if I was a guy, I would definitely be in that category. He was absolutely stunning. He looked like he should be on the cover of a magazine rather than walking the halls of Forks High.

It seemed that the group I'd hung out with at lunch on Friday was the only group that didn't have their preconceptions about him. They saw him as being a loner, shy and all that, but it didn't necessarily mean that he was an asshole.

They saw that he had secrets, that he was hurting in some way, some way that made him wall himself off from the rest of the world. They saw him the way I did.

Now, why couldn't everyone think like we did?

Oh yeah, because the world is full of blithering, judging, gossiping imbeciles who love nothing more than ruining someone's life through rumours and nasty words.

Some people were so stupid.

"Hey, Bells." I jumped when I heard Charlie behind me. For such a heavy footed guy, he could sure be sneaky when he wanted to.

"Hey," I shook my head, dumping my bag on the table.

"How'd it go?" He asked and I knew it wasn't a casual thing.

"Good." I nodded, sitting down, resting my chin in my hand. "We got a decent amount of work done but . . ."

"But . . .?"

"Subtle." There was no mistaking the lack of enthusiasm in my voice. He was trying to scope answers out of me. I'll play along, just this once. "There was a phone call. It seemed pretty bad."

"What do you mean?" He asked, sitting down in front of me. "What do you mean 'pretty bad'?"

"Whatever it was about hit Edward and his mom pretty hard." I shook my head, trying to get the image of Edward's devastated expression out of my mind. "I think they might have lost someone. Or getting pretty close."

"Poor Esme." He sighed and my head shot up.

"Just poor Esme?" I raised an eyebrow and he shrugged. "What about Edward? He was barely holding it together as I left. I could see that all he wanted to let it out. Whatever's happened had hit him hard. Just because you don't like him doesn't mean he doesn't feel. It doesn't mean he doesn't hurt. You can't just hear something like that and feel sympathy for one family member and not another. That's not the way things work."

"Bella, I get that you're interested in this guy or whatever, and just so you know, he is not setting one foot in this house." I rolled my eyes before giving him a pointed look. He sighed, shaking his head. It was the universal father's sign for 'my child is a teenager . . . HELP!' "I get that you've got to see him because of this project or whatever, but I am telling you this now, don't try and get invested in him. You'll get hurt. He doesn't get close to people and he's dangerous."

"Dad, possession and a bit of vandalism doesn't make him dangerous." I snorted and he glared at me. Whatever. "If he were a violent delinquent, then I'd say different but he's not. There's no telling what he's like really, Dad. Have you actually sat and talked with him?"

"Can't say that I have and can't say that I want to." He mumbled and I shook my head, rolling my eyes. I stood up, grabbing my bag before making my way past him.

"He might surprise you." I said softly, knowing that if Charlie actually sat down and had a proper conversation with Edward, he might even begin to see what I saw.

I went up to my room, pulling out my English and History notes, trying to make some kind of sense of the names and dates that evaded me. I might even have to find a tutor.

Major suckage!

"Hey, Bells." I looked up as Charlie knocked on my door before poking his head around the corner. "I'm heading out for a little bit. Not sure when I'll be back."

"Alright then. Should I put dinner on?"

"Nah, don't worry about it. I don't know when I'll be back, so I don't want to put you out."

"Okay."

He left a little while later, leaving me to myself. Well, me, Shakespeare and some random guy in history I can even begin to pronounce the name of.

Yeah, enough of that.

I had just started making dinner when Charlie walked through the door. It was a good couple of hours later and he looked troubled, kind of worried. He didn't look at me as he walked past the kitchen and into the living room.

What was going on?

"Everything okay?" I asked and he jumped, looking at me as though he hadn't expected me to be in his house. Wow, he really was lost in his own head, huh?

"Yeah." He nodded slowly, turning to face the television he hadn't even turned on yet. "Just some stuff I need to think about. Is that dinner I smell?"

"Yeah, want some?" He nodded, still staring at the blank television.

What the hell was going on inside his head?

Did I really want to know the answer to that question?

No.

The rest of the evening passed in an odd manner. While Charlie was not talkative by any means, his silence tonight was eerie. At least normally, he tried to make some kind of conversation. Normally it fell flat and we were left eating in a rather comfortable silence, not really knowing what to say, before realising we didn't need to say anything at all.

Tonight, though, his silence was kind of creeping me out. He was thinking about something intense. I could tell by the way his moustache twitched every so often and his brows furrowed.

I didn't bother asking him about what it was, knowing I'd get a vague answer. It was probably something to do with a case he couldn't talk about. Of course, there were dozens of them happening in Forks.

. . . . .

Sunday dawned somewhat bright actually and I was mildly surprised,

I had heard there was a beach not far away and decided to take the day off from school work and worrying about father's heads exploding due to over-thinking things – weird dream, leave me alone – and just relax.

Taking my monster, aka Trevor down to the beach I parked in the little parking lot they had available before grabbing my jacket. It might have been sunny, but the wind from the water was bitter and cold. I was glad I'd remembered to bring it with me.

Walking onto the beach it amazed me that such things could exist. Having lived in Phoenix for the longest time, I hadn't been to a beach before. At least, not by the sea. Or if I had, I didn't remember it.

I stood in the middle of the beach, between the cliff and the water, watching the waves as they crashed into each other, rolling into nothing on the sand. There was beauty and magnificence in that body of water. Others saw it as something dangerous. I saw it as something to be marvelled at whenever possible.

Of course the locals probably took it for granted, but hey.

And speaking of the locals . . .

From what I can see . . . they're huge!

There were three of them walking towards me, laughing and joking, trying to push each other into the surf. They were like little kids, although their size told me they were anything but.

"What are you doing down here?" I looked at the one in the middle, finding him somewhat familiar. "You don't remember me, do you?" I shook my head, giving him what I hoped was an apologetic smile. "Jacob Black. Our dad's are friends. We used to make mud pies when we were little."

"I don't remember." I shook my head, hoping I didn't come off as completely rude. "Sorry."

"Don't worry." He laughed, shaking his head. "I don't either, but that's what my dad and your dad have always told me." He suddenly seemed to notice the other two standing either side of him. "Bella, this is Embry and Quil. Guys, this is Bella Swan."

"Yeah," one of them narrowed his eyes at me, as though suspicious. "Kind of figured that out."

"Em, seriously." Jacob rolled his eyes, sounding pissed off with him. "Don't worry. Just because she's his daughter, doesn't mean she's going to run off and tell him about you 'extra-curriculars." He smirked at me shaking his head. "He already knows anyway. You just weren't the one to take the fall."

"Good thing the Cullen kid was there to take the fall." He laughed and my gaze snapped to him. He looked at me, his grin fading slowly.

"You know Edward?" I asked, turning to face him.

"Yeah." He shrugged, shaking it off as though it was no big deal that he had gotten someone else into trouble. "What of it?"

"You realise you got him into big trouble, right?" I raised an eyebrow and he shrugged again. What is it with boys and not answering you when you clearly want them to speak? "If he's your friend, why would you do that?"

"Never said he was my friend." He smirked at me and I wanted to hit him, right then and there.

"That guy doesn't have friends, Bella." Jacob stepped in, moving Embry out of the way a little. Maybe he sensed my anger rising. "All he has is resentment and a hell of a lot of rage. I don't know what happened to him, but something did and he's just been getting into trouble with your dad over and over again."

"So you decide to frame him with something like possession?" I waved my arms around, probably looking like the epitome of a concerned friend.

But he wasn't my friend.

He was just my partner.

Part of me wanted to be his friend, though. To be there for him, as it was clear he didn't have that a lot in his life. His parents, maybe, but people need more than that to survive. It wasn't as though he had a lot of friends.

It wasn't as though he had _any_ friends.

My heart sunk a little when I thought of how lonely Edward must be all the time. He didn't really have anyone in school to talk to and I didn't think he had anyone outside of school either. Who knew?

"Please." The guy, Embry, laughed, obviously finding all of this very funny. "It's not like he cares."

"How would you know?" I shot back, turning around and making my way back up to my truck. I didn't stop until I reached it, pausing as I heard my name being called out. I turned to see Jake running towards me.

"Bella! Wait!" He stopped in front of me, looking down at me. Something that just seemed wrong considering he was younger than I was. "I'm sorry about him." He glanced back down at the beach, obviously looking at his friends now playing in the surf. "I don't agree with what Embry did. It wasn't right for him to let Cullen take all of the blame like that but the guy's not right, Bella. There's something that's made him angry, not at us or something specific. At the world. Be careful, alright."

I nodded before climbing into my truck and starting the monstrous thing up. Most people jumped slightly when I started it but Jake just grinned as though it was the best sound in the world. Not quite sure what that was about, but I sure was glad to be getting out of La Push. For now at least.

. . . . . . .

Monday passed in a blur of boredom and mixed emotions.

Edward was back in school but we didn't actually speak other than to discuss the project. It appeared that he might have been embarrassed about what happened at his house on Saturday. I wanted to tell him not to worry about anything and that I wouldn't tell anyone but I feared he wouldn't appreciate me bringing it up.

Tuesday was much of the same but the only difference was that I was going to his house again after school. He had been the one to bring it up but part of me still felt like I was imposing. He made it painfully clear that it was nothing more than to conduct the project. We still had some things to work out about our bulb before we could plant it.

I wasn't sure how I felt when he reiterated over and over again that it was purely for the project. And I didn't know who he was trying to convince. Me or himself.

Was there something else bothering him?

Well, duh, Bella! You almost witnessed him break down not four days ago. Think about it.

It kept my mind occupied for the rest of the day, which proved to be considerably dangerous for those in gym. I wasn't sure but I think they had to duck a few more times because of me. The coach really should know not to let me participate in a sport that could leave someone injured. They should now know not to let me participate in _any_ sport.

It was just tempting fate.

I took a breath as I pulled up to the giant white house hidden in the trees. It still amazed me each and every single time. It was incredible. One side of the house was made completely of glass, the only breaks being the dividers between rooms and floors.

Edward opened the door just as I got out of the truck. Wow! He really could hear the thing coming.

I took another shuddering breath as I grabbed my bag, slammed my door closed and made my way over to him. He looked absolutely amazing standing there in nothing but a pair of jeans and a black, long-sleeved t-shirt. He didn't have any shoes or socks on which just added to the vision of comfort he found in his own home. Such a difference to what he was like on the other side of these walls.

We sat down in a comfortable silence, working through our respective books. Esme made an appearance, smiling brightly at me, commenting that she was glad her old gardening books were getting some use now because she had been gardening for so long, she had everything practically memorised. Now _that_ was impressive. Must be where Edward got it from.

Esme then confused me greatly by shooting a scowl at Edward and it wasn't something playful either. She wasn't happy with him and I could only wonder why. She left the room quickly and Edward let out a sigh, shaking his head at her behaviour. What happened to her being an amazing mom? I mean, what was that about.

I was aware it was none of my business, but a girl gets curious.

I looked at his arm as he rolled up his sleeves, taking more time and care with one rather than the other. My eyes widened a little to see a tattoo glaring at me from his forearm. It was simple, a girl's name, a ribbon and a bird. Girlfriend maybe. I would never have put Edward as being the type to get a girl's name on him anywhere.

"She must mean a lot to you." I said softly and he looked up at me sharply, his eyes filled with confusion. "The girl's name on your arm. She must mean a lot to you."

He nodded slowly, his eyes closing. "She does." His voice was nothing more than a whisper as he spoke, fear and pain in his words. "She's my best friend."

His best friend?

Why did some part of me feel . . . _happy_ about that news?

What the hell is wrong with me?

I glanced at the ribbon again, trying to place what orange was for. Pink was breast cancer, yellow was bladder cancer, green was liver. What was orange? Leukaemia. I should have known that straight off the bat. Considering it was dangling around my neck.

He had a friend suffering from Leukaemia and it was clear that she wasn't expected to make it. Not if he'd gotten a tattoo for her.

"I'm sorry." I whispered and he looked at me as if wondering what the hell I was talking about. "It's hard to lose someone to cancer." I pulled out a necklace that I wore all the time. Hidden under my clothes. It was a locket with the Leukaemia ribbon enamelled on the front. "My cousin." I opened it to reveal my cousin Gianna. "Hairy cell Leukaemia." He looked sad to know someone else had been in pain. "We lost her last year. She was in remission, had been for six months and then just . . . gone."

"Tanya's been going downhill for a while. But . . . she suddenly got worse over the course of a day." His voice was soft and pained as he ran his fingers over the fresh ink on his arm. "I've known her for a long time. Been there through everything. The treatments, the mood swings. All of it."

"She was the reason for the phone call on Saturday, wasn't she?" I asked and he looked up at me before nodding. "I'm sorry, Edward."

"Don't be." He said, looking back down at the tattoo. "You're not the one killing her. The disease is doing that. As it is so god knows how many others out there. There's no way to get rid of it completely. All there is is . . . remission. That's as good as it gets."

He sounded angry as his hands curled into fists on the table. He was turning his grief into anger over the situation he couldn't control. I did the same thing. I took my grief and anger over Gianna out on other people, not wanting them to be anywhere near me for a long time after she died. I still had issues when letting people close, had you noticed? But I was getting better. I think it was a fear of not hurting like that again.

"Hey," I placed a hand on one of his fists and he looked at it, alarmed. "It's alright. She won't be suffering anymore. She won't be hurting anymore. She'll be alright."

"I know." He sighed, nodding slowly. "I just don't want her to go. It's selfish, but I don't. I don't know . . ." Seeing him sitting there, he was so vulnerable and I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around him. I knew that kind of went over the boundaries for what we were, so I controlled my urge.

"How long?" I asked softly, putting a hand on his shoulder, rubbing gently.

"Less than a month." He sighed and I closed my eyes, hating the pain he was going through. With Gianna, she had been happy and in remission for about six months and then, one night, she got a nose bleed and she deteriorated from there. I still wasn't sure what caused the bleed, but it was the beginning of her relapse.

She was gone in about three days and we barely made it to Colorado from Phoenix in time. I'll never forget as I saw her lying there, tubes sticking out of her in all places. She looked like she was on the verge of death, which was quite an accurate analogy as it happened. We got to say goodbye and that was what really mattered at the end of the day.

She wasn't scared. She knew that she'd be alright. That someone would look after her. She wasn't afraid of what happened after death, like so many were. She told me that she was looking forward to not having to be poked and prodded by needles and have to submit herself to the humiliation of being washed by nurses and examined by doctors. She made it sound like it was no big deal and I guess to her it really wasn't. This was what she had been preparing for for a long time and she was ready.

"You said your cousin had Hairy Cell Leukaemia, right?" Edward turned to look and me and I nodded, fingering the locket around my neck. "But I thought you hadn't ever been on a cancer ward."

"I haven't." I shook my head and he looked at me, clearly wondering what the hell that could mean. I was sure it was confusing for him to hear that I knew how he was feeling, yet hadn't seen the ward she had called home for so long. "She was in ICU when we arrived at the hospital and she died there. I don't know why she was in there rather than on the ward, but she was. And she and her family lived in Denver while I lived in Phoenix so we didn't get to see each other that often. When we did see each other, it would be when she was in remission, so . . ."

"You never saw the ward." He finished and I nodded slowly.

He sighed, seeming completely spent as he sat here. I kept my hands on his shoulder and fist, a silent message that I was here if he needed to talk. He wouldn't though. Some part of him would want to, but he would close up as I had done. He didn't really seem like one for talking about stuff and I wasn't sure that I was the right person for him to talk to. There were people, like his parents, who knew him so much better than I did.

But wasn't I thinking earlier that someone needed more than their parents?

He obviously does have more than that.

He probably has friends outside of Forks, maybe Port Angeles or something that he could talk to. Was I really someone he could turn to?

In those few moments, it was as though something had shifted between us. We were no longer two people shoved together in Biology. There was some sort of silent understanding between the two of us. We knew the pain of losing someone close. Though I hadn't seen her that often, I had spoken with Gianna on the phone almost every day. She was my best friend and I missed her so much.

I hoped that if he opened up to me, I would be able to help Edward deal with losing his friend. He needed someone to lean on and some part of me, the selfish part that wanted to claim him for my own – which was worriedly getting bigger and bigger – hoped that it would be me.

He was tense as he sat there as though he realised he had given away too much and was waiting for me to run off and tell everyone the secret of Edward Cullen. To tell the world that he does feel and that he is human no matter what they think.

"Don't worry." I whispered softly and he looked at me. "I won't tell anyone."

He gave me a small smile, obviously not feeling in the mood for a real one. _Way to go, Bella_. "Thank you." His voice was soft and pained as he stared straight ahead, out towards the driveway and into the forest surrounding his house. It was as though he wanted to get lost in them from where he sat. Like he wanted to wander endlessly without ever getting tired. Now that sounded just right, right about now.s

I hoped he was alright.

. . . . . .


	7. Chapter 6

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognised characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. The plot and any characters added in are mine.**_

_**There we go. Everyone wants to see Esme's reaction to the tattoo and you'll get it here. There's a little repetition but I find at this particular point in the story, both sides are needed. It's not too much, so don't worry.**_

_**The prologue is getting closer and closer.**_

_**See you Wednesday.**_

_**Edward**_

I took a deep breath as I pulled up in the driveway, letting the car idle for a moment. My mom would be out in a minute, to see what was going on, but that was all I needed.

I pulled on my sweater, making sure it covered my arm. I could always use the excuse of I was cold. My parents never questioned me when I complained, so I knew my mom wouldn't say anything.

I cut the engine, climbing out of the car and making my way towards the house.

"Mom?" I called as I walked in the door. I closed the door quietly, not hearing my mother anywhere around. I shrugged off my coat, hanging it up before I slid my shoes off. Where was she? Normally, she was pottering around doing something or other so her disappearance confused me a little. "Mom?"

I made my way upstairs where I saw that my parents' bedroom door was slightly ajar, which was strange because that was one of the two doors in the house that were always closed. Mine being the other one. I made my way towards their room, peeking my head in calling for my mother quietly. I blinked, slightly surprised when I saw that she was asleep.

She hadn't been asleep for long because her eyes were puffy and red and her cheeks were wet with tears. I inhaled a shuddering breath not wanting to think of my mom crying. She had always been so strong, yet I knew it took a lot out of her to be that way. She felt like she had to be strong for me. She always put me first and at the moment, I didn't care for it. Not when she was hurting and didn't let me know. I wanted to comfort her as well. She couldn't always be the pillar.

But she didn't know any other way.

I knew that I should have gone upstairs and possibly done some of my homework, but in light of the last few days, I wanted nothing more than to be with my mom.

I walked into the room and practically crawled into bed with my mom, wrapping my arms around her waist, inhaling her sweet scent. She turned towards me slightly, mumbling something I couldn't make out before burying her face in my hair. She had always reacted that way when I'd done this as a child and it made me smile a little to think that hadn't changed.

I closed my eyes, feeling safe in the arms of my mom wishing that things could be normal for her. I wished that I could have been a normal child growing up. That I didn't have this disease. That she didn't have to take care of me to the extent that she did, keeping an eye on blood counts and making sure I was never around anything sharp or potentially dangerous.

I could remember her when I first started school. Considering I had been diagnosed at age four, I still had a year before I started kindergarten but when that first September came around, she was more frantic than anything. She didn't want me to go and now I understood why. Back then I had no idea and I could imagine myself being a little more than difficult about wanting to be with other kids.

I do remember, clearly that I had come home with a bruise that first day because I'd moved to quickly and hit my arm on the table next to me. She saw it and rushed me straight to the hospital. I remember her holding me in her arms, me sitting on her hip – I had been a small child – glaring at the new receptionist at the hospital trying to convince her to let her see Dr. Aro about the bruise. The woman looked at her like she was crazy, clearly thinking she was overreacting and that it was nothing. It was then that my mother had practically screamed that I had leukaemia at her and her entire demeanour changed.

'_My son has leukaemia!'_

Those four words change anything and everything, no matter where they're used. It can be anywhere and you can be around the most stone cold people around, but the mention of a child having cancer is probably one of the only things that will get them to react.

There was only one person that didn't react at all when he heard the news about me and that was my mom's old partner, Marcus Tyran. He was an asshole. I remembered the day my mom took a step back in the business to take care of me as though it had happened yesterday. I had only been four but the memories were as clear as day inside my head. They say that you only hold onto those memories that impact on you in a drastic way. I remembered it as the day my mother gave up her dream for me.

The day she put her life on hold to ensure mine.

_I was sitting in my mom's office as she put things into a box on her desk. I sat on the swivelly chair my mom had, laughing as she spun me around every so often. She smiled at me but her eyes were sad. I didn't want her to be sad. I wanted her to be happy. Maybe she'd be happy if she sat on the spinny chair too._

_Before I could ask her a man walked into her office, watching her with a confused expression on his face. He watched as my mom emptied the drawers in her desk and placed the little plant she had in there as well. I didn't want her to get rid of that plant. I liked it. I thought it was pretty. I wouldn't tell her that though because that's not what boys do._

"_You can't be serious about leaving, Esme." He stood there, looking like Daddy did when he thought mommy was being silly._

"_Marcus," I looked at my mom, wondering why she sounded the way she did. "I can't stay. I have to take care of Edward now."_

"_I thought he had a nanny." He crossed his arms, giving me a weird look. I didn't like him. Maybe I should kick him and tell him to leave my mommy alone. No, she wouldn't be happy with me if I did that._

"_He did." She nodded, looking down at me. She gave me a smile. Not her normal smile but the kind she gives people she doesn't really like. Didn't she like me anymore? I got off the chair and raced toward her, hugging her legs. She ran her fingers through my hair before picking me up gently. "You can't expect me to allow a nanny to watch a child that's just been diagnosed with leukaemia."_

"_He's fine, Esme." He waved at me and I put my head on my mommy's shoulder, wanting him to go away. "Look at him. He's fine."_

"_He may _look_ fine to you." I flinched at my mom's tone, not liking it at all. "Sssh, I'm sorry, baby." She was whispering in my ear, her fingers running through my hair gently. "He might _look_ fine, but he is an incredibly sick child. You can't expect me to choose my job over my son."_

"_Isn't your husband a doctor?"_

"_That may be so but Carlisle is needed to keep people alive. The same cannot be said about interior design." She shook her, looking back at me again._

"_Look, Es, maybe you could bring him here." He didn't sound sure of himself. "I mean, what harm can that do? We need you here, Es."_

"_Edward needs me more." She let out a breath, looking back over at him. "What about when I have to take him in for chemotherapy. What? You think I'm going to leave him there and then come into work? You're insane. And he can't be in here. He needs calm and a clean environment. He needs stability and care and that's what I have to give him now. You don't have any children, so you wouldn't know what it's like to find out that one of them is sick. I don't know what's going to happen. I don't even know if it's curable, but there's no way I'm going to be sitting around an office while my son suffers through cancer. Marcus, if it's a choice between the business or my son, I'm choosing my son. There's absolutely no contest."_

She hadn't set foot in the office again, although she was still invested. We had seen Marcus out and about a few times as I'd grown up and he always seemed to regard me with some kind of resentment. What the hell was that about?

It was only when we'd run into him when I was about thirteen had I realised why he disliked me so much.

He liked my mom.

And he saw me as the reason she was taken away from him.

Well, sorry asshole, she's still happily married and has no plans on changing that status as of yet.

Opening my eyes, I felt fingers running through my hair and someone's breath on my forehead. I looked up to see my mom smiling down at me with a look of extreme love in her eyes. It was as though someone had presented her with something irreplaceable.

"It's been a while since I woke up to find you curled up next to me." She chuckled gently, pulling me close to her. "What's the matter, baby?"

I shook my head, burying my face in her hair. She smelled like honeysuckle, washing powder and just . . . _mom_. She seemed to have that scent that all mothers did.

"Just been a rough couple of days." I whispered and she nodded, resting her hand on the side of my neck.

We lay there in silence for a little while, neither of us feeling the need to fill the room with any kind of chatter, comfortable and comforted by the presence of the other. I knew she was thinking about Tanya because I was as well. I didn't know when I would be able to have any kind of one on one time with my mom again. For all we knew I could relapse next week and not make it through this round of treatment. For all we knew, it could be me where Tanya was right now.

"Hey, you two." We both looked up to see my dad standing in the doorway, watching the two of us.

"How long have you been there?" My mom asked, amusement in her voice. I could always tell when my mom was actually pissed off because her voice would rise in pitch a couple of octaves. Once she was so pissed I think she reached a pitch only dogs should be able to hear.

"About a minute." He smiled at the two of us before walking into the room and taking off his jacket. He hung it on the back of the chair in front of my mom's vanity and sat down on it, watching us. "I didn't want to disturb the two of you."

"Nonsense." My mom scoffed. Really, he should know better by now. "Come here." She held out a hand to him and he slipped off his shoes and got rid of his tie before crawling onto the bed behind me. He took hold of my mom's hand and let their intertwined fingers fall so that they were resting on my hip.

The two of them sandwiched me in between them and I had never felt more safe than I did right them. With my mother and father there either side of me, I felt like I could take on the world. That might not have been true, but who knew what else was in store for me.

. . . . .

"How could he have been so _stupid_?"

"Darling, calm down."

"No! I will not calm down, Carlisle. You saw what I did. How could he have been so reckless?"

I rubbed my eyes with the heel of my hands, wondering what the hell was going on. I had fallen asleep again, that much was clear and my parents were awake. What had happened in between my falling asleep and my waking up?

I sat up, realising they weren't in the room. I was still in their room and very confused about what was happening out there. I ran a hand through my hair, glancing at my arm as I did so.

_Shit!_

The sleeve on my arm was rolled up and the gauze had disappeared. I wasn't supposed to take that off yet. Crap. Of course, seeing or feeling the gauze on my arm my parents would panic and wonder what had happened. I was sure that I was in deep shit.

I quietly got off the bed and made my way towards the hallway. Their voices were drifting from downstairs and I could hear my mother sobbing. Who knew that my getting a tattoo would upset her that much?

I made my way downstairs to see my mother in my dad's embrace. He gave me a stern look which made me feel like a little child. But then again, that was the whole point, I think.

"Edward?" My mom looked up at me, glancing at my arm before her expression became angry. She stood up, walking over to me quickly. I know that my mom was like, half my size, but she scared the crap out of me when she was like this. "How could you be so stupid? Don't you realise that you could have just put yourself in a lot of danger! What possessed you to do it? Why would you endanger yourself like that!"

"I talked to Dr. Aro." I tried to explain but I could tell she wasn't exactly listening,. It was impossible to get through to her when she was like this. "He said that it was completely safe."

"I don't care what Aro said." She shook her head at me, disappointed with my choices. "It was stupid and it could have done a lot of damage! Do you not care about that, Edward? Are you intent on killing yourself now?"

"Mom, you know that's not true." I sighed, shaking my head. How could I get her to understand? "I wanted something to show that Tanya will never be forgotten."

"Then make a plaque, Edward." She snapped back, startling me. She had never used that tone with me. It was the tone I hadn't heard in so long, since I was four and she was packing up her office. "You don't get something like that on your body. Especially when you're as sick as you are."

"If I was incredibly sick at the moment I'd be in the hospital right alongside Tanya!" I shot back and she stared at me. "But I'm not. For the first time in a long time, I'm actually healthy and I wanted to get this while I could."

"You will never be one hundred per cent healthy, Edward. You will always be sick." She shook her head, sniffing before looking over at me again. "You're grounded. Until I say you're not anymore."

"Fine." I shrugged not really caring about the punishment. "It's not like I go anywhere anyway. As long as I still see Tanya."

"No."

What! She was stopping me from seeing Tanya? She couldn't do that. She couldn't take away what little time I had with her. She didn't think she could actually stop me from going to see her did she?

"What do you mean 'no'?" It wasn't me who answered her, it was my dad. "Esme, you can't keep him from Tanya. We don't know how long she has left and it's not fair to either of them. You know how close they are and it will kill Edward if he doesn't get to say goodbye. I know you're upset, but what he's done doesn't warrant that."

"I know." She sighed, shaking her head as I sat on the stairs where I'd slumped after she said no. "I shouldn't have said you couldn't see Tanya. And that Bella can come over so you can do your project, I don't want you failing. But other than school and the hospital, you are not leaving this house."

I nodded, knowing somewhere that I deserved this. I was getting to see Tanya and Bella was allowed over and that was really all I needed. Could Bella be considered something I needed?

When did I even consider that?

I made my way back upstairs and looked at the tattoo on my arm. Was it worth the aggravation from my mom? Was it worth the possible disapproving looks from adults? Was it worth the whispers about who the girl was on my arm?

Yes.

If it showed her how much I cared about her and how much I was going to miss her, if it showed her she would never be forgotten, then it would be completely worth it.

. . . . . . .

I hated Mondays with a passion and this one seemed to go at the slowest pace possible. I wanted to get out of school so I could go to the hospital to see Tanya. My mom knew I was going there after school, so she shouldn't get pissed off, right?

Finally, after the last bell rang, I tore out of the building and into the parking lot. Across from me I could see someone else making a hasty exit. Bella was climbing into her huge truck and I could see why she liked it. The thing had character but I still didn't trust it. It suited Bella, though. She was obviously into older things, not caring about them being shiny and new just to show off like others around here were.

I climbed into the Volvo my mom made my drive before pulling out and onto the street. I raced down the road, wanting to get to the hospital quickly. I wondered if my mom realised how fast this actually went. Never having driven it before, I doubted she did.

Pulling up at the hospital, I parked in a spot that should have my name in it, I used it so much. I walked inside, completely bypassing the receptionist, who looked to be new. She opened her mouth to says something as I passed but one of the others who were used to me coming and going, put a hand on her shoulder, shook her head and probably started explaining that I was always in and out. What with all the receptionists and other employees of the hospital that weren't bound my confidentiality laws, I was surprised that people here didn't know about me. Some people are blind when they want to be. Hey, it works in my favour that's all I'll say.

When I made it to Tanya's room, I knocked on the door a little, startling Charlotte and Tanya. They had both been dozing and I felt kind of bad about it. Charlotte smiled at me, whispering that she'd leave the two of us alone for a little while. She gave me a hug on her way out and I made my way over to Tanya, who was grinning like an idiot.

"What's the matter?" She asked, sounding worried and confused. Her voice was still quiet and raspy as though she'd been stuck inside a smoky room for too long. "Is something wrong?"

_Apart from you're dying?_

I shook my head, my gaze shifting down to my arm. "I got something for you."

"Edward." She moaned, and I smirked at her. She hated gifts. "You should know not to buy me stuff."

"Technically I didn't." She looked at me, clearly confused. I pulled up the sleeve on my sweater and showed her the mark I had on my skin.

Her jaw dropped as she took in what was there. She reached out slowly, running her fingers over the ribbon and swallow, barely touching the skin. She ran her finger over her name before looking at me with tear filled eyes.

"So I'll always have you there." I whispered and a tear gently ran down her cheek. I brushed it away and she reached up, taking my hand in her own.

"I'm sorry, Edward." She whispered and I wondered what she meant. "For putting you through all this."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, giving her hand a small squeeze. "You're not putting me through anything. Where have you been the last seven years? I've been there right beside you." She nodded, not looking at me. She was feeling guilty. She felt guilty because she was dying and causing people hurt. Only Tanya. "Don't cry, Tawny. Please, don't cry."

"I'll try not to." She whispered and I shook my head, knowing she was lying. She was one of those girls that cried at everything. I remember when she made me watch some stupid film a couple of months ago and the main guy died at the end, she blubbered like a baby. Yeah, okay, it was a very distressing and traumatic day in history, but the film was totally fictional. I think it was purely because the hot guy died.

Whatever. It made her happy, so I watched it.

"I have to go." I whispered after about half an hour of sitting with her. "My mom wasn't too impressed with this," I motioned to my arm, "so I'm kind of on a short leash."

"What did she say?" She asked, glancing back down at it.

"She thought I was being reckless and stupid and endangering my health."

"You could have done, though." What? She's not supposed to side with my mom. "I mean, what if something had been up with your results and you didn't know? What then?"

"I talked to Aro before I got it done. I wanted to make sure that everything was okay. He wants to check that it's all alright and that's it. He said that because my results were okay and I've been in remission for a good while this time, it was okay."

"But your mom doesn't think so?" I shook my head and she laughed. Charlotte was the same. "What did she do?"

"I'm grounded until further notice. I can still come and see you and have one girl over for a Bio project I have to do but other than that, I'm cut off from the outside world."

"A girl, huh?" Crap! I'd hoped she'd missed that.

"She's my Biology partner." I tried to explain but she only grinned wider.

"I bet she is."

"Pervert."

"Yup." She giggled at me. "Is she cute?" I raised an eyebrow and she sighed, rolling her eyes. "Come on, Eddie. Give me something here. Is she pretty?"

"Yeah, I guess so." I shrugged, not really knowing what to say. Did I think Bella was pretty? Of course she was. Hence the fact that she's got pigs like Newton and Pearce after her. Well it's not like she'd ever go for someone as damaged as me anyway. Did I even want her to?

I said goodbye to Tanya who was still trying to get information about Bella out of me. I'll let her have her fun, but I'll spread it out over several visits. I wasn't sure how Bella actually fit into my life. It looked like she was becoming a frequent visitor in my home, though.

. . . . . .

Well, I was sure where Bella fit into my life now. She was right next to me at my dining room table. We had been here for almost an hour and I could feel the slight confusion when my mom came in. She was still pissed at me for the tattoo and I knew it would take a while for her to get over it. If she ever did. Bella glanced at me as my mom left the room but I offered no explanation. She didn't ask either so I assumed she'd let it go.

"She must mean a lot to you." She said softly and I looked over at her, wondering what the hell she was talking about. "The girl's name on your arm. She must mean a lot to you." I looked down at my arm, remembering I'd rolled up my sleeves a little while ago.

I nodded, closing my eyes. The image of Tanya in her hospital bed flashed through my head and it made me force back the tears. "She does." I whispered and she watched me carefully. "She's my best friend."

She was silent for a moment before letting out a breath and shaking her head. "I'm sorry." Huh? What the hell did she mean, she was sorry? I know people said it to tell you they felt bad you'd lost someone, but that's not what came across here. There was something more. "It's hard to lose someone to cancer." She pulled out a locket, silver with a small orange ribbon on the front. It looked like enamel. "My cousin." She offered when she opened it, revealing a very pretty dark haired girl. She looked very similar to Bella and I reasoned that would have been because they were cousins. "Hairy cell leukaemia." So she knew what it was like to go through seeing someone suffer. "We lost her last year." Shit, so close. "She was in remission, had been for six months and then just . . . gone."

That's what my parents were always afraid of. They were afraid that it would come back full force and none of us would really be prepared for it.

"Tanya's been going downhill for a while. But . . . she suddenly got worse over the course of a day." I still didn't really understand how that could happen. I didn't understand how she could change as quickly as she did. "I've known her for a long time. Been there through everything. The treatments, the mood swings. All of it." I tried to sound vague and not let on that it hadn't been just her going through those treatments and everything that went along with them.

"She was the reason for the phone call on Saturday, wasn't she?" I nodded, looking at her. "I'm sorry, Edward."

"Don't be." I knew my words came out harsher than I meant them to as I stared at the tattoo, hating what it represented. It meant that one of the most beautiful souls on the planet was dying. She had been my best friend since I was ten and now I was going to lose her. "You're not the one killing her. The disease is doing that. As it is god knows how many others out there. There's no way to get rid of it completely. All there is is . . . remission. That's as good as it gets."

And it wasn't fair. Why is it that other cancer types get a 'cure' whereas we get remission? It wasn't fair that so many people, children had to suffer because of this cell mutation and fucked up blood.

I hated it.

"Hey." I felt a hand on my own and realised that my hands had curled into fists. "It's alright." She said softly and I couldn't help but wonder why she was being this way. Of course, she thought I was just beginning to grieve for something that hasn't happened yet and not going through the same thing Tanya was. She didn't realise that at some point, I was going to be the one who was dying. "She won't be suffering anymore. She won't be hurting anymore. She'll be alright."

"I know." I knew she was right but I still didn't want to lose Tanya. She was like my sister and I knew I'd feel completely alone without her. Tanya was ready but I wasn't. "I just don't want her to go. It's selfish, but I don't. I don't know . . ."

"How long?" She asked softly, the hand that wasn't on my still clenched fist, coming to rest on my shoulder. She rubbed it gently and I don't think she realised how much that helped. Just that little bit of comfort was enough for me. It was enough to make me feel just a little better. Not much, but comforted slightly.

"Less than a month." I sighed and she inhaled a breath. She knew what it was like to lose someone close to you. Being a sufferer I hadn't thought that I would go through this. I knew that there would be others around me that didn't want me to go, but I didn't think I'd be going through this kind of pain.

She was quiet for a while and I knew she was remembering her cousin. I hoped she was remembering the good things the two of them went through together and not the very end. If her cousin was anything like Tanya and I were, she was ready to go. She'd had enough of the treatments and hospital stays. She was ready for death, just as Tanya was. Just as I was on some level.

Of course, I wouldn't know this because the only one that could answer was gone and telling Bella that she was mostly likely ready to go probably wasn't the best idea.

"You said your cousin had Hairy Cell Leukaemia, right?" I turned to look at her and she nodded, her eyes not totally focused as she played with the locket around her neck. "But I thought you hadn't ever been on a cancer ward."

"I haven't." She shook her head and I just became confused. How could that be? They were close, yes? How could she have never been on a ward like that before, then? Her cousin would have been in and out all the time, just as I was. "She was in ICU when we arrived at the hospital and she died there." What the hell was she doing in ICU? "I don't know why she was in there rather than on the ward, but she was. And she and her family lived in Denver while I lived in Phoenix so we didn't get to see each other that often. When we did see each other, it would be when she was in remission, so . . ."

"You never saw the ward." It made sense as she nodded. Of course the adults around her wouldn't want to subject her to the distress of a cancer ward when they didn't need to. There were only so many suffering children you could see before it broke you or you became numb to it. I think that's how the nurses did it. They put up a kind of barrier between themselves and the patients so that it didn't completely destroy them.

I'm on the other side of the line, so I don't know.

We sat there in silence, one of her hands on mine and the other still on my shoulder. She was offering me comfort. Something that hadn't happened outside of my family for as long as I could remember. She wasn't doing it because she felt sorry for me but because she knew the pain I was going through. She wanted to offer support to someone else when they were hurting.

Maybe there were some inherently good people out there and Bella was one of them.

But what if she tells someone what I've just divulged. I hadn't seen her with the little gossip group at school over the last two days but that didn't mean she wasn't talking to them. What if she told them something? I didn't want to believe that she would but there was always a chance something could slip out, right?

"Don't worry." She said softly in my ear and I turned to look at her. "I won't tell anyone."

I gave her a small smile, believing her when she said that. I was doing something I hadn't done in a long time. I was trusting someone.

"Thank you."

_Don't make me regret trusting you. Please._

. . . . . . .


	8. Chapter 7

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognised characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. The plot and any characters added in are mine.**_

_**Hope you enjoy. See you Saturday.**_

_**Charlie**_

When I'd heard that Bella had been partnered up with Edward Cullen as her biology partner I was sincerely tempted to grab her, lock her in her bedroom and not let her out ever again. I think it was clear to her that I didn't like that boy.

She just had no idea why.

She didn't understand why everyone had such a low opinion of him. Why nobody wanted to be around him. But that was only because she hadn't been around him for the entirety of his life as the rest of us had.

I always felt for his parents. Carlisle and Esme were the nicest people I'd ever met. Carlisle was the best ER surgeon in Forks and we were damned lucky to have him in our little Podunk town when he could easily be making a hell of a lot more money in a big city somewhere. I think we might have Esme to thank for that one. Esme was the most caring person you could ever wish to meet. After she'd had Edward, she went back to work as an interior designer and she was frickin' good at her job. She'd wanted to redo my house and had offered a couple of times but I declined. I think she thought that I was just too much of an old man to change my ways but I don't think I could ever change her mind on that one.

I could never tell her that I kept it this way because Renee liked it.

How Esme and Carlisle raised a son like Edward, I don't know.

For some reason, when Edward was four, Esme left her company. I don't know whether she sold out or whether she just doesn't have anything to do with the day to day running of it anymore, but she decided that she was going to be a stay at home mom, stating that Edward needed her at home.

Kid seemed fine with his nanny to me.

It didn't seem like there was anything up with the kid until he started school. He'd be out a lot, yet teachers would never say anything and I'd heard parents complaining about the special treatment it seemed he was getting. They were under the impression that it was because of Carlisle's status as the head of ER. It was about that time that he started o take on shifts and training in the Oncology ward as well and I couldn't fault the guy on having a huge heart. I'd been on that ward before and it was not a place one wanted to be. I'd gone in because the station was holding a fund raiser for the patients in there. Most of them were kids and it broke my heart. I don't think that I could have handled having a kid with cancer.

This kind of treatment has carried on up till now. There would be instances where he would be out of school for months at a time and no one knew why. It was clear the school was in the know and they were under some kind of 'orders' to keep it quiet.

I'd asked Esme about it and she'd quietly but firmly stated that it was a family affair. I'd seen a couple of bruises on the kid a few times, but had I not known what attentive and incredible people the Cullens were I would have been suspicious. I had a gut instinct about these things, something that came partially with being a police officer and partially due to human instinct and it told me that nothing unsavoury was going on in the Cullen household. If there had, I would have taken the kid out of there in a shot.

As I saw him grow up, there were times he looked kind of sick, yet it was something you could never put your finger on. What I did know though, was that Edward had a whole lot of anger buried deep inside and was probably just trying to let it out somehow.

Getting high down on the res was not the best way to do that.

I had never felt worse than the time I had to call his parents from the station having arrested him that night. I didn't want to do it, but I knew it was for the best. It was for his own good. Because he was a minor, he got a couple hundred hours community service and that was about it.

One thing I've never been able to get out of my mind was the faint bruises around his wrists from where I'd put the cuffs that night. I've had them leave a red ring around the wrists of some people before never bruises. And he didn't even put up a fight.

Edward Cullen was a mystery wrapped up in an angry kid.

But Bella . . . she was always willing to see the good in people and didn't understand why I was quick to condemn him. All she saw was someone no one wanted to be around. I was glad that she'd only have to see him while this project was going on and then it would be over with and she wouldn't have to socialise with him outside of school.

She could still get hurt. I knew that no matter how detached you were from someone they still had the ability to hurt you in some way. I didn't want that to happen.

After Bella had told me about the phone call the Cullen's had received I knew I had to do something. If he was upset or angry in the next couple of days he could take it out on Bella. Even though there had been no reports of violence coming in about him, there was always the possibility of something happening.

Yes, I was flicking to Police Chief mode.

Sue me.

I told Bella I was going out and hopefully she'd think I was going to see Billy like I normally did when I left her on her own. I didn't want her to figure out that I wasn't going to the res at all today.

Bella had mentioned something about Edward volunteering on the Oncology ward, which had been news to me. I knew that it wasn't something left over from his community service, because that hadn't been where he was placed. It took me a little while to come to the conclusion that it had probably come about through his dad working there.

Carlisle could get anyone to do anything and it was clear his son was not immune to his ways.

I wanted to find out when he was next in, wanting somewhere he couldn't run, hide or show any kind of ill favour towards anyone without getting kicked out of there. This seemed to be the one redeeming thing I'd heard about him. And from my daughter who had been here less than a week, no less.

Pulling up at the hospital, I noticed that Esme's car was in the parking lot. She must have been here visiting Carlisle. It wasn't an uncommon occurrence. I was sure that several of the doctor's wives came to see them. I think most of them were either worried about the nurses hitting on their husbands – which I wasn't sure was likely considering the age of most of the doctors in this place – or the fact that they wanted them to get a healthy meal every now and again.

Esme, I knew for a fact, was in the latter category.

"Hi," I smiled, walking up to the receptionist. "I was wondering if you could tell me the way to the Oncology ward." Yes, I'm aware I've been there before, but time moves on, things like directions fade from the memory bank.

She smiled at me, instantly knowing who I was. Hell, everyone knew who I was. This town was the size of a nickel after all. "Of course Chief Swan. Just take the elevator to the fourth floor, turn left and it's right in front of you."

I thanked the nurse, trying to figure out what I was going to do once I had the information I needed. Was I just going to turn up the next time he was in and let him know what the hell I thought of him spending time with my daughter or was I going to be rational and hear him out in some way? I couldn't really make a confirmed decision at the moment. I'd seen too much about this kid to know what to do.

Stepping out of the elevator, I turned left, seeing the sign for Oncology in front of me. I took a deep breath before walking through the door. It was like there was an immediate change in atmosphere. This place had seen too much death.

It chilled me to the bones.

I quietly made my way over to the nurses' station, hoping they'd be able to give me the information I'd need. There were two nurses standing there, looking upset and stressed out. I don't blame them. I thought they deserved an award for doing the work they did.

"How's Tanya doing?" One of them asked, her voice quiet.

"Not good." The other sighed, running a hand through her hair. "She's not got long."

"How's he coping?"

The second nurse shook her head and it looked like she was holding back tears. "He's with her now. He's not taking her sudden decline well."

"Well, they've been through this together since they were little." The first nurse rested a hand on the other's shoulder. "We knew that he wasn't going to take it well. I hope it doesn't affect his remission in any way." So whoever they were talking about was a patient.

"I don't know. They've been together for so long and . . . it's going to be so hard for him to lose her." She sounded as though she was about to lose it, so I thought I'd make myself known. I couldn't help but be curious as to who they were talking about. I knew it was none of my business, so I didn't even think to ask.

"Excuse me." They both straightened up, their faces becoming masks of calm, a deep contrast to the saddening conversation from a moment ago. "I was wondering if you could tell me when Edward Cullen will be in."

"Are you family?" One of the nurses narrowed her eyes at me, wondering who I was. She was clearly not from Forks or was new to the area.

"No, he's not." The second nurse I knew as Maggie Thorton answered for her. "What could you possibly want with Edward, Chief Swan?"

"I just need to talk to him for a minute or two. I just need to know when he's next in and I'll be back then." I gave her a smile and she shook her head.

"Hopefully, he'll never be back in but dealing with what he has to it's kind of inevitable." I frowned at her and she gave me a small smile. "He's not admitted at the moment, but he's here. Now might not be the best time to talk to him about anything though."

_Not admitted? What the hell does that mean?_

"I'd heard he was a volunteer here." I put out there and her brows furrowed in confusion.

"Volunteer?" She looked at the other nurse and she looked back, equally bemused. "No . . ." She drew the word out, shaking her head. "No, Edward Cullen's not a volunteer here."

The little shit's been lying to my daughter. He thinks he can get away with breaking the law then I can show him as an officer that's not how things are done. But he brings my daughter into this and I stop being Chief Swan and start being dad.

"You said he was here." She nodded, looking slightly worried at my tone. "Where is he?"

"I don't think that's-"

"I'm not going to do anything or say anything, I just want to let him know I want to talk to him." She took a breath and shook her head.

"He's with a patient at the moment." Her tone had become stern, that of a professional nurse looking out for the people on her ward, be they visitors or patients. I had to commend her for that. "I'm afraid I can't let you go back there, Chief Swan."

It turned out she didn't need to. Out of the corner of my eye I saw someone very familiar walking out of a patients room. Perfect. I couldn't say what I needed to right here because it would most likely end up with me being hauled out of the hospital. That's great, huh? Chief of Police being escorted from the hospital because of aggressive behaviour. But I could let him know that I wanted to talk with him. Soon.

I turned, stilling when I saw him.

He didn't look like the cocky asshole I'd come to know. He looked like a shell of who he normally was, he looked beaten and broken emotionally and mentally. There were tears streaming down his cheeks and his eyes were red and swollen. He'd been crying.

I saw Esme rush over to him as he walked out of the patients room and it was as though all the fight and strength he had in him disappeared as she wrapped her arms around her son. He practically crumpled into her embrace and they both lowered onto the sofas present in the waiting room.

Before long, he was curled up on the sofa, his head in Esme's lap, sobbing and I couldn't understand why. Something had to have happened and I thought back to the phone call Bella had said he'd gotten earlier that day.

There was something else going on here.

I left the ward, my head filled with more questions than answers. I had gotten no answers at all. All I'd managed to find out was that he'd lied to Bella, telling her that he was a volunteer on the ward when I now knew for a fact that he wasn't. I wasn't going to enlighten her. At least, not until I knew why he thought it was acceptable to lie to my daughter.

. . . . . . . .

It was Wednesday before I managed to get a chance to speak to Edward at all. For some reason, school was out which meant that he would probably be at home. Bella had told me why they were off today, but I couldn't remember. I don't think it was that important anyway. She'd gone into Port Angeles with some new friends that she'd made, saying they wouldn't be back till late and asking if I wanted her to make me something for dinner before she left. I told her no and would probably head down to the res later anyway.

Pulling up to the house, I noticed that Carlisle and Esme's cars were absent, yet the Volvo I knew Esme insisted Edward drive rather than that bike – not like she won that argument many times – was present. The bike, however was not, but I decided to take my chances.

I stepped up to the doorway and rang the bell, expecting it not to be answered. I heard a slight movement from inside just before the door opened to reveal a very bewildered and shocked looking Edward.

"Chief Swan?" He sounded confused, probably wondering what he'd done to warrant this visit.

"Mind if I come in?" I asked, nodding behind him and he stuttered for a moment before stepping back and allowing me inside. I didn't take my shoes off, knowing I wouldn't be hanging around for long. He stood there, looking extremely uncomfortable in his own home, which was an odd sight.

"What's going on?" He asked, watching me, his hands sliding into his pockets.

"I'm not here about anything you've done legally or _ill_egally, should I say." His brows furrowed, obviously confused so I decided to cut straight to the chase. "Why did you lie to Bella about being a volunteer at the hospital?"

His jaw dropped as he inhaled sharply. "She told you that?" It wasn't more than a whisper and I knew it wasn't meant to be taken as an actual question, but I answered nonetheless.

"She was angry at me over my not wanting her coming round here. It wasn't something she did consciously. She was trying to get me to see that you aren't all bad, though having found out that you were in fact _lying_ about that little bit of information, I'm not seeing her point."

"How do you even know that?" He asked, his eyes still slightly distant. "How do you know I don't volunteer there? What? Do you follow me wherever I go now?"

"No. You don't rate that high on my radar." I felt slightly bad as I registered something that looked like hurt flash in his eyes. "I know because I went to the hospital on Saturday wanting to find out when you'd be in so that we could have a little chat. Imagine my surprise when the nurses there informed me that you were there at the time but you _weren't _a volunteer."

"Saturday." He whispered the word as though it was the day his world shattered but remembering how he looked, it seemed like it very well could have been. He stood there for a few minutes, quiet and unmoving. It was kind of creepy actually. "You're right." He sighed, shaking his head, a single chuckle escaping him. "You're right. I lied to Bella. But it was a hell of a lot easier than telling her the truth."

"And what's that?" I tried to maintain a calm air but I knew it wasn't working. The kid was getting worked up and I didn't want to have to hurt him. I wasn't much taller than him but I was sure heavier.

"I might not be a volunteer there, but I am there a hell of a lot. And not because I want to be." He shook his head, watching me. _This kid has some serious issues. He should be speaking to a therapist about this stuff. Not me. I don't know how to deal with this. _"You really want to know?" I wasn't so sure anymore. I opened my mouth to tell him that I didn't want o know and that it was his business but he spoke before I could say anything. "Of course you want to know. You wouldn't be here if you didn't. You want to know why I do the shit that I do? Because I think 'why the fuck not?' It's not like I'm going to be around long enough to come to terms with the repercussions anyway. I have APL."

I had no idea what that was and it seemed he knew I didn't because he laughed again, running his hands through his hair and beginning to pace.

"Acute. Promyelocytic. Leukaemia."

_Shit!_

He laughed again, sitting down on the step that led into his living room. I walked over to him, sitting down on the step. So this was the answer to the question everyone wanted to know the answer to. Why he was so angry all the time. To everyone on the outside, he was nothing more than an average seventeen year old boy but below the surface there was a lot of heartache and pain. Who knew what he had been through in his short life?

"I'm sorry." I said softly and he shook his head, sniffing gently.

"I've managed to keep it a secret for thirteen years." He laughed once, no humour in the sound whatsoever.

Thirteen years?

Esme left work when he was four. That would have been the reason she'd left and not really given a reason.

"Please . . . please don't tell anyone." He whispered, looking at me. There was something I'd never seen in his eyes before.

Fear.

He was afraid that I would tell someone and that his secret would be out. Why he thought it needed to be kept a secret was beyond me. It's not like someone could blame him for having cancer. It was probably the thought of having people's pity that got to him. Having people know there was something wrong with him. Now that I knew there was, I could see why he acted out like he did. He wasn't angry at a particular person or something that had happened. He was angry at fate and the hand it had dealt him.

Was he angry because he was sick?

Was he angry because he was most likely doing to die before everyone else he knew?

I suddenly felt like I was Alice, being plunged into a world I didn't know or understand. What had started out as a trip to help Bella had turned into a discovery of something much deeper than that. And I didn't know how to handle it. I didn't know what I could do to ease anything for him.

I knew there was one thing I _could_ do though and that was ease his worries.

"I won't. I promise."

"Thank you."

. . . . . . . . . . . .

_**Don't be too hard on Charlie. He didn't really know what he was getting into and the police officer slash dad part of his brain overruled the common sense. He was just trying to protect his baby girl from someone he sees as being a bad influence. I know Bella's old enough to make her own decisions but give the guy a break, he's just got her back.**_

_**Don't be too mean to him.**_


	9. Chapter 8

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognised characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. The plot and any characters added in are mine.**_

_**See you Wednesday.**_

_**Edward**_

When Chief Swan turned up on my doorstep I wondered what the hell I'd done wrong now. I couldn't think of any reason I would be in trouble. I'd been so wrapped up in what was going on with Tanya, I'd hardly been anywhere other than school, the hospital and then home. That had been my routine for the last few days.

But it wasn't anything I'd done wrong. Well, not really.

He knew I'd lied to Bella. He knew that I'd lied to her about being a volunteer on the Oncology ward.

At first, it bothered me that she had told him that but then he'd explained that it had been a slip and she had been defending me against his negative opinion of me. Why on earth did she feel the need to do that? She'd known me less than a day at that point and I didn't think I'd really made an impression on her.

Apparently, I had.

I was confused about how he'd known that I was lying and he told me that he'd gone to the hospital on Saturday and talked to one of the nurses. I couldn't remember which ones were working that day but then again, the nurses weren't really my priority.

Tanya was.

I don't know why I did it. I don't know why I let it out but I did. I couldn't stop myself from talking, my internal filter completely disappearing and leaving me to deal with this shit alone. So I ran my mouth and now Charlie Swan, Chief of Police in Forks knew I had leukaemia. I'd managed to keep it from everyone for so long and now he knew.

What the fuck was happening to me?

First off, his daughter comes into town and makes me feel like I could actually get to know someone and now he actually manages to get me spill my secret to him.

I didn't want anyone to know because I didn't want to face anyone afterwards.

Tanya had allowed her mom to tell people about her illness. Well, I say 'allowed' but she was seven so she didn't really have a choice. The next thing she knew, the kids around her were telling her that she had blood cooties and no one should be friends with her because they might catch it. They would push her over, making her bruise and then laugh at the marks.

Kids were fucking vicious.

I guess some part of me didn't want to chance that happening to me. Though, if it hadn't happened to her, she would never have moved to Forks and I never would have met her. She had been home schooled since they moved, while her older sisters went to the local schools. Kate and Irina were now both in college at UW, but came back whenever they could. They had been back since Saturday morning after having explained to their tutors that they would be out for a while. They had told their professors and tutors about Tanya and they had been granted the time off. They could make up what they'd missed when they went back.

After Tanya was gone.

Realistically, I knew that the people I went to school with were smarter than a bunch of six and seven year olds – although they may act such an age at times – and wouldn't behave like that. I had a feeling it would come to bite me in the ass at some point though, so I didn't want to risk anyone knowing.

Now Charlie did.

And I didn't know what to do about it.

He came and sat beside me on the step that led through to the living room, an act that surprised me. What surprised me even more were the words that came out of his mouth next.

"I'm sorry." I didn't think I'd ever hear those words come out of his mouth. Especially not aimed at me.

"I've managed to keep it a secret for thirteen years." The laugh that came out of my mouth was a hollow sound, not one that could be associated with any kind of humour. More an irony, really. Who would have thought that the man that hated me more than anyone else in this town would be the one to attempt to comfort me after a minor breakdown?

"Please . . ." The whisper that came out of my mouth sounded pathetic to my own ears but I couldn't seem to raise my voice any louder. "Please don't tell anyone." He looked at me and I didn't see anything I thought I would in his eyes.

I don't know what I was looking for. Disgust? Pity, maybe. But I didn't see any of that. All I saw was sympathy.

"I won't." He breathed quietly and I let out a small breath I hadn't realised I'd been holding, waiting for his answer. "I promise."

"Thank you."

He sat there next to me in silence for a little while longer and I could literally hear the cogs turning in his head. I wondered when he was going to speak.

"Why keep it a secret?" He asked, clearly choosing his words carefully. He didn't look at me, choosing to study the slight wrinkles around his knuckles instead.

"Because I know what can happen when the wrong people find out," I sighed, thinking of Tanya. She had learned the hard way that people are shits to one another.

"What do you mean?"

"It means that even though people might seem like they're sympathetic to those suffering from diseases and shit like that, they're actually not. They're actually wondering what they can do to make their life more miserable." I shook my head, not really wanting to get into all this with him. "It happened to a friend of mine."

"I'm sorry to hear that." I nodded, glancing at him to find him studying the tattoo on my arm. He seemed to be fascinated by it. "Is she the one you were visiting on Saturday?"

I looked over at him, wondering how he knew where I was. "How did you know I was visiting someone on Saturday?"

"Because when I went to the hospital, I saw you." He admitted, looking a little sheepish at his admission. I had no idea what to do with that considering I had never seen it before. I wasn't sure many people had. It was quite a surreal experience to have the Police Chief admit to seeing something he shouldn't have. "You had just come out of her room. It was as though your whole world had shattered."

"It had." I sighed, looking down and running my fingers over the mark etched into my skin. It was still sore, as I knew it would be for a while and it was scabbing, starting to itch a little as it heals. Apparently that was normal though, so I just had to not scratch it or I could disrupt the ink and I'd be fine.

Dr. Aro had been impressed with the way it had been done and told me that all looked good so far. He took a blood sample – there's a surprise, huh? – just to double check that everything was okay. A tattoo couldn't make me relapse, could it? I told Dr. Aro about Riley and his partner, Bree. He sighed and shook his head, stating that sometimes, they just weren't fast enough with it. He was glad that it had been done by someone who knew to be careful and not someone just after my money.

My mom was still pissed at me but my dad understood why I did it. He wasn't happy but he was easier to deal with than my mother.

If Charlie had been there on Saturday, it meant that he had seen my breakdown, seeing me collapsing into my mother's arms and sobbing into her lap. Well _that_ was something every seventeen year old wants someone to witness, wasn't it?

"She must be important to you."

"She's been there with me for a long time." I said softly and e nodded, his expression changing to one of recognition. I couldn't help but wonder what was going through his head. "She's my best friend."

"You're the one the nurses were talking about." He murmured, almost to himself. Actually, I think it was only meant for him to hear. He looked at me, shrugging one shoulder before sighing again. "The nurses were talking about a girl not having too long left and how it was going to affect someone else's remission. The girl they were talking about was called Tanya, so I'm guessing the other kid they were talking about was you."

"Probably." I sighed, running my hands through my hair. "Why are you here?" I knew it wasn't to comfort me in any way. Why was he here?

"Well . . . first I came here to find out why the hell you lied to my daughter." Ah, there it is. "And now I'm not too sure. Because now I can see a reason for the way you've been over the last few years. You've wanted to take control over something because you can't control the most important thing in your life." I nodded, he was right about that. I wanted to know that there was _something_ I could control. It seemed that it was whether or not I got in trouble. More often than not I did, but hey, who cares?

"Bella told me about her cousin." I said softly and he slowly turned to face me. I didn't look at him, rather preferring to study the floor and the intricate patterns of the wood. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have anything to be sorry for, Edward." He shook his head and I couldn't help but wonder where the hell this new Charlie Swan had come from. What the hell had happened to make him change that much? Was it purely because he knew that there was something wrong with me now? I couldn't put it all together. He seemed to have things worked out in his own head, so I didn't voice my confusion. "You know firsthand and from the sidelines how painful it is. You know what it's like to feel the illness and to feel the pain of potentially losing someone. You know the fear that lurks there, that little something in your mind that tells you it could be over at any time."

"I'm not afraid to die." I said softly and he looked at me, slightly shocked at my admission. "I'm not." I shook my head and he looked at me in disbelief. "I know its coming. I've known it's coming for a long time. According to doctors I shouldn't have made it past seven or so but I'm still here. I know I'm pushing it as it is and I'm not afraid to die. Tanya's not either and somehow, I don't think Bella's cousin was either."

"What the hell do you mean?" I closed my eyes, knowing I should have kept my mouth shut.

"It's something we all live with. We all know that there's a high chance we're going to die. She probably knew that. After a while . . . it just . . . doesn't bother you anymore. It gets to a stage in treatment, relapse or whatever and you just can't help but want it to be over. It's so draining and it destroys a part of you each time. Instead of getting your life back, which physically you might be doing, it only aids in taking it away mentally, emotionally." He didn't understand and I don't think he ever would. "Do you know what I do when I'm released from the hospital?"

He shook his head, watching me carefully. "What?"

"Wait for something that sends me back." I answered truthfully. It was the fate we all shared and there was nothing we could do about it.

"I'm sorry, Edward." He patted me on the back before standing up. He looked at his watch, his eyebrows rising slightly as he took in the time. I had no idea how long we were sitting there for, but I did know I had divulged a little too much information than I was happy with.

He made his way over to the door and I followed him. "Um . . . could you not tell Bella? I don't want anyone else to know." He nodded before opening the door and walking out towards his cruiser. Something told me Charlie Swan had heard a lot of things he didn't really want to today.

Like the fact that the boy he hated was indeed a cancer victim.

My God, things are fucked up.

. . . . . . . . .

"How long are you grounded for?" Bella was sitting on the opposite side of the dining room table as we worked, scribbling things in her notebook quickly, yet taking meticulous care over her notes so she could read them back.

I shrugged, shaking my head. "Until my mom lets me leave the house again." I sighed and she looked up at me.

"You're still allowed to see Tanya, right?" She looked slightly worried and that confused me. Why would she be worried about me not being able to see Tanya?

"Yeah." I nodded and she looked relieved.

"That's good to hear." She gave me a soft smile before putting her pen down on the table. "It wouldn't be fair to either of you if you weren't allowed to see her. You'd both be in pain and that wouldn't actually help anyone. It would also make your mom feel extremely guilty and probably blame herself if Tanya . . . you know . . . before you could say goodbye."

I gave her a small smile. She knew what it was like to say goodbye to someone you loved. "I can see her whenever I want to. Well . . . visiting hours permitting." She had no idea that I basically came and went on that ward as I pleased. The nurses knew me so well that they didn't stop me. I had been to see Tanya two days ago and fallen asleep with my head resting on her bed. It had been almost ten at night when my mom had finally woke me up. She knew immediately where I was, but didn't want to disturb the two of us. By that time, I think she thought I should really be at home. "Tanya's not afraid to die." I whispered softly and she looked up at me. "You can see it. She's ready. No one else is though."

"Are you?" I felt my brows furrow as panic started to well in my stomach. What did she mean by that? Did she want to know if I was ready to die? Why would she ask that? "Are you ready to let her go?" Oh, that makes more sense.

I trusted Charlie when he said he wouldn't tell anyone but I couldn't trust that Bella wouldn't work it out for herself. She'd been around the symptoms before and she was incredibly intelligent. If anyone would work it out, it would be her and that kind of frightened me a little. I didn't want her to know. I didn't want anyone to know.

Bella had been over once after Charlie's visit almost a week ago. She had also stayed for dinner as Charlie was going to be working late and didn't want her being alone for too long. I was sure this annoyed her because he was treating her as though she was a child. Clearly, she wasn't used to being looked after.

My dad had been working a night-shift, which seemed to be more common lately, so he hadn't been able to join us. Bella had teased me that I was purposefully keeping her from meeting him. I told her that I didn't want to chance her getting hurt purely because there was a doctor around. She had laughed at that, saying that there didn't have to be a doctor around to worry about her getting hurt. She and my mom got on well and I could see the cogs in her mind turning. I would have to put any ideas out of her head pretty soon. Nothing would or even _could_ happen between Bella Swan and myself. She was good and pure while I was damaged goods. She probably wouldn't want anything to do with me if I told her I liked her.

_Yes, I like her, got a problem with that?_

She'd probably high-tail it in the other direction and not look back. Clearly my parents didn't feel the same way, as after she left, their body language and expressions told me everything they wanted me to know. They were silently asking me 'are you going to tell her'? I portrayed in the exact same way that no, I wasn't.

I had told them about the visit Charlie had made and both of them were initially worried about how I was going to cope with it all. I told them I was fine and that it didn't really bother me anymore.

It did but I wasn't going to stress them out like that.

She was waiting for an answer and I shook my head slightly to clear it. "No, I'm not." I sighed, crossing my arms on the table, resting my chin on them. "I'm not ready to let her go yet. It's unbelievably selfish of me, but I'm not."

"It's not selfish." She shook her head, giving me a small smile. "It's human."

I couldn't help the small smile I gave in return because she knew what it was like to lose someone close to you to this horrible disease. She was probably one person in this town I could talk to about losing Tanya and not feel like a complete pussy. Because she knew.

Pretty much everyone at school had seen the tattoo and some had made a comment about it. Newton thought that it would be funny to make the sound for whipped whenever I walked past for the first few days. Everyone had laughed, at least that was before they saw the tattoo in its entirety. It seemed that some of them knew what the ribbon meant, even if they weren't sure on the colour. They had worked out that the ribbon meant cancer.

It seemed to be only Newton that hadn't cottoned on that one small fact.

Even James Pearce had decided he wasn't going to be an ass recently, which was amazing really, considering he was one of the biggest pricks in the school. The worrying thing was that it seemed he had his eye on Bella and I frequently saw him walking her to class. She seemed to be enjoying his attention as she laughed and talked with him. I wasn't sure why that was bothering me so much but it did.

Jessica was still a complete bitch, now having decided that it was Tanya's fault that I had turned her down for that stupid dance she wanted to go to. Saying that she thought she was probably a jealous, manipulating girlfriend who didn't allow me to go out anywhere, keeping tabs on me. I had never wanted to hit a girl so much in my entire life. The worst thing was that it seemed her friends were going along with what she was saying.

I wondered if the cancer excuse would work in front of a judge and jury. Maybe I could get away with murder.

The most surreal moment had been when Emmett McCarty and Rosalie Hale had made their way over to me. They were like Forks' golden couple. What the hell would they want to talk to me about?

Apparently, Emmett's grandmother had died from breast cancer and his mother had been diagnosed five years ago. She had had the operation and the therapy and apparently was in the clear but there was always a chance of it returning. And the fact that it had affected his mother and maternal grandmother, there were worries that his little sister Chelsea could become a victim as well. Rosalie just told me that if there was anything she could do for her or _me _she was there, which was a surprise in itself.

Who knew that there were actually people in Forks' who gave a shit?

Walking into the hospital, today had been one of the most surreal in my life. People had come up and talked to me for one and it wasn't just to be spiteful like Newton or even ask about notes or whatever. It was to actually show they cared about something other than themselves.

Not something I'm used to.

"Hey, Tan." I said softly, sliding off my jacket and placing my bag on the floor as I sat down. "How're you feeling?"

"Like shit." She moaned gently, looking at her nails. Something told me that it wasn't in the way she was feeling as in health-wise. Something told me it was more to do with how people saw her. Tanya had never been overly vain. She wanted to look nice, which was understandable for a teenage girl and in here, it wasn't really possible. When she had been in remission and her hair had grown back, it had always been a beautiful strawberry blonde. When we'd go out together, you could see that people were jealous. The girls wanted to look like her and the guys were jealous because they probably thought that we were together.

If only they knew what was going on underneath the surface.

She never wore an abundance of make-up. Generally just a little around her eyes to make the bright blue stand out and some of that powder stuff. It made her look even more beautiful than she already did. Others, like Lauren and Jessica thought they needed to cake it on and it just made them look like they were practicing for Halloween.

If they had known Tanya when she had been healthy, the two of them would have been permanently green. And Tanya being Tanya, wouldn't have even noticed. If anyone made a comment about how gorgeous she was, she'd blush and turn away, mumbling a small thankful. She didn't believe she was beautiful, her own mind making her believe that the praise was empty.

It never was but only she was blind to that.

Bella was the same way. She didn't seem to have a clue how captivating she was. Her big brown eyes could bring any man to his knees and could get her anything she wanted. All she'd have to do was use them to her advantage. She didn't need that blush stuff that girls used because she provided that on her own. She and Tanya were a lot alike in ways I hadn't realised before. Two of which really stood out for me in that moment.

They were both stubborn and they were both completely unaware of how beautiful they were.

"What's the matter?" I asked and she looked up at me. She knew I could see straight through her as she could me. That was probably how she managed to get information out of me all the time.

"I just . . . I don't know." She sighed, closing her eyes. "I feel like shit. I mean, look at me. I look like shit and I feel the same way. My mom keeps telling me that I'm beautiful but she has to say that because she's my mom. Don't you say it either because I know you're going to. I just . . . I want to be able to look in the mirror and see something of who I used to be. And I can't. I just . . . want to feel beautiful." Her voice was a whisper as a tear made its way down her cheek.

I suddenly thought back to Rosalie's offer.

"_Edward?" I turned to look at Rosalie, wondering if this day was about to get any weirder than it already was. "I know this is going to sound strange but . . . your friend, I know I don't know her and she probably has a big support system already, but if she needs anything . . . at all . . . I'm here."_

"_Uh, thanks, I guess." How did someone respond to that?_

"_That goes for you as well." The smile she gave me as the two of them turned to go to their next class made me aware that she wasn't kidding._

_Huh._

I brushed the tear away, giving her a small smile. "You _are_ beautiful but I know you don't feel that." I took a deep breath, wondering what the hell I was about to do. "Do you trust me?"

"What kind of question is that?" She asked, looking extremely confused. "Of course I do."

"Then . . . if you really want to feel like the old you . . . I think I know someone who can help." She looked slightly worried at me, probably wondering who I was talking about. "You don't know her and she doesn't know you. To her, you're just my friend."

"It's not the girl you've had over for your 'Biology project' is it?" She smiled at me tiredly, her hands dropping from the little air quotes she'd made. Why are girls so annoying?

"No," I shook my head and she closed her eyes for a moment.

"Are you sure they're alright?" She asked and I nodded. Something told me that Rosalie would be open to doing this. She looked immaculate everyday and I didn't think she'd have any problems doing that for Tanya. Well, she had an easy canvas to start on. I hoped Rosalie would be able to help me here. "Alright. If you're sure about them then so am I."

I left a little while later when she claimed she was tired, promising to see if I could bring Rosalie tomorrow. Maybe she'd bring her little friend Alice. She always seemed to know what she was doing when it came to make-up. Maybe. I don't really know.

. . . . . . .

The next day, I took a deep breath before I turned the corner on the way to my locker. Rosalie's was four down from mine, so I knew she'd be there. She was standing there with Emmett, who didn't seem so big and scary after his revelation yesterday. He'd been hurt but his size scared people away from knowing that truth.

"Rosalie?" She turned, looking surprised at the sound of my voice. "Could I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure." She grinned at me, a true smile and not the one that said 'why did I ever offer anything to this jerk?' Emmett told her that he'd see her later before placing a tender kiss on her forehead. She watched him go with a look that said more than high-school infatuation. That was the way my mother looked at my dad. Utter devotion. "What's up?"

"You know yesterday when you said if there was anything you could do?" She nodded, her smile widening slightly. "Well, I went to see Tanya yesterday," I didn't think about not using her name, considering people had seen the tattoo and those that hadn't had been told about it, "and she's feeling really down. About the way she looks. She used to be absolutely stunning and to the people that know her, she always will be beautiful but she doesn't see it. I was wondering if you were any good at make-over type things?" I bit my lip as she looked at me.

"Do you have a picture of her?" She asked, glancing at the clock. We still had ten minutes before first class started so we were alright. I nodded before taking my wallet out of my bag. The picture I had of her had been taken the previous August. It was still relatively sunny and we had all gone down to La Push beach for the day. There weren't many people out there and no one there knew us, so we were alright. I handed the picture I'd taken of her that day to Rosalie and her eyes widened a little. "Wow. She's gorgeous."

"I know." She really was. In that picture, she had been glowing. She had been in remission for four months and her hair was growing back. It had been shaped around her face as it grew and it was blown slightly out of position by the wind. She had been scowling at me as I went to take the picture but had been unable to keep the smile back. "She's not vain and honestly, someone tells her she's beautiful, she just laughs and tells them they've got the wrong person. She doesn't think highly of herself at all."

"She just wants to feel beautiful." She whispered handing the picture back to me. "Edward . . ." she took a breath, looking down at the floor. I wondered what she was going to say and why it was taking her so long to give me an answer. But when she looked up, I saw that she had tears welling in her eyes. "You know Emmett and I had been friends for a long time before we got together, right?" I nodded. Everyone knew that. "Well, when Emmett's mom was diagnosed with cancer, my mom used to go round to their house or the hospital and you know, do her nails and stuff, just to make her feel a little better about herself. I'd love to be able to do that for someone. Only if she's okay with it, though."

"I asked her last night when I went to see her." She nodded as I spoke. "She just wants to feel beautiful and I want her to realise that she is."

"Of course I will, Edward." She grinned at me and I couldn't help but grin back. "You realise the pixie is probably going to want to come." Pixie? "Alice." Oh, right.

"As long as she's not too hyper, it should be okay."

"Yeah, that'll be the day." She giggled, shaking her head.

"Tanya tires out pretty quickly, so . . ." She nodded in understanding. She seemed truly happy to be able to do something like this, even if it was for someone she had never met before. I told her that I was going to the hospital after school and she said that she would stop at her house and pick up some stuff. "You wouldn't happen to have any scarves at all would you? I mean, as you can see, she used to have beautiful hair and now, it's just . . . well, you probably get the idea. Just something to cover it up, maybe?" She nodded at me again, tapping her nose and stating that because her mom was a beautician for everyone and anyone, she had everything she needed. "Thank you, Rosalie."

"Don't worry about it." She replied, smiling at me. "It's good to help someone. And Edward?"

"Hmm?"

"Call me Rose." With that she grinned at me and walked away as the first warning bell sounded. Feeling a little bewildered, I made my way to class.

The day flew by in a haze and I couldn't help but wonder if Tanya would be alright with a stranger doing make-up and everything for her. Tanya had always been a private person and I wasn't sure if this would be considered an invasion of privacy or whatever. But she said she trusted me and that she was okay with this. One tiny signal that she wasn't and I'd tell Rosalie that it was enough.

"Hey," I looked up as Bella took her place next to me. "Rose tells me you asked her if she could do a little make-over on your friend Tanya."

"Yeah." I sighed, looking down at the notebook I had in front of me. "She's been feeling down about how treatment's making her look and I think it's affecting her mentally as well. I asked her yesterday if it was alright and she said yeah. I just want her to feel like a regular teenager for a little while, that's all."

"I think it's great." She glanced to the front and I saw that Banner still had yet to arrive. "Alice kind of convinced Rose to let her go."

"She warned me that she would."

"She wanted me to come as well but I said it would have to be alright with you." I looked at her and she was watching me. Technically, it had to be alright with Tanya but Bella was quiet and didn't get in the way at all. I was sure it would be okay with her.

"I don't see why not." I shrugged and she grinned at me.

The rest of the day passed quickly and before I knew it I was walking into Tanya's room again. She smiled at me as I made my way towards the bed.

"No entourage?" She asked, glancing at the door. She smiled at me as I chuckled.

"They'll be here in a little while." I ran my thumb down her cheek. "You are alright with this, yeah?"

"If you think they can make me look and feel a little more human, then that's exactly what I need." She tried to sit up a little, needing my help to do so. As she settled back on the pillows before looking over at me. "So, any progress on the Bio girl, yet?"

"Why do you say it like that?" I sat on the bed, lifting my knee up to rest next to her.

"Because you like her, Eddie." She rolled her eyes as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. Sorry, left out of the loop here. "You do. You just don't actually realise it yet." What is it with girls and thinking they know what's going on inside your head? "Am I going to get to meet her?"

"Actually . . . she's one of the girls coming today?" I didn't miss the way her eyes lit up at my words. "Don't even go there."

"Where?" The innocent route didn't really work when I knew her so well. I knew what she was like, just as well as I knew she wasn't going to be letting me off the hook when it came to Bella. Thankfully, I hadn't told her her name so that would buy me a little time. At least, until Bella probably told her that we were Biology partners.

"Hey," I turned to see Maggie standing there, a small smile on her face. "There are some people out here wanting to see Tanya. They said that you'd be here too, Edward." I nodded, letting Tanya know that I'd be back in a minute. "Maggie." She turned as I called her name softly. "You didn't give any indication that I'm a patient on this ward as well, did you?" She shook her head and I let out a breath. "I don't want them to know." She nodded again, tapping her nose and I knew she'd keep her mouth closed. She'd probably pass the message on to the other nurses as well. At least I hoped so. "Hey."

They turned around and smiled at me. Rose, Alice and Bella made their way towards me while Jasper and Emmett stood there uneasily.

"They wanted to come." Rosalie rolled her eyes before shaking her head. "What trouble they think we can get up to in here is a mystery but whatever. I told them they're to stay out here, as are you." She narrowed her eyes at me and I held up my hands in surrender. She laughed as Bella walked up next to me.

They followed me through to Tanya's room, Jasper and Emmett following slowly behind. Tanya looked a little shell shocked upon meeting Alice, but I think that was to be expected. Pretty quickly though, she seemed relaxed around them and I was being shooed out of the room. They closed the door and pulled the blind that was in the window on Tanya's room closed, blocking off any vision into the room at all.

I wondered what the hell they were doing in here.

I made my way over to where Jasper and Emmett were sitting, looking around, watching the patients and their families interact. The two of them looked extremely uncomfortable as I sat down next to them. I had a feeling it was going to be a long wait.

"This place . . . it kind of gives me the creeps." Jasper said quietly and I looked over at him. "Not like that, but in the way where, so much happens here. It's just . . . I don't know how to explain in."

"I know what you mean." Emmett said softly and I nodded. "My grandma died on this ward. Seven years ago." That would have been around the time I met Tanya. "My mom was treated on this ward as well."

"At least a good story has come out of it." He nodded, taking a breath.

"How did you and Tanya meet?" They both looked at me, clearly wanting some explanation. I went with the one thing I knew they couldn't dispute.

My Dad.

"I met her when I was ten." I said softly, looking back over towards her room. The door was still closed and the blinds still shut. I couldn't help but wonder what was going on in there. "My mom and I came to meet my dad after work. He kind of flicks between here and the ER." They nodded, probably knowing that already. "He was running late and my mom had the only car. I think his was in the garage for some reason, I don't know. But she was sitting there on a bed, all alone, so I decided I'd keep her company. She's been my best friend ever since."

When I thought about it, I had actually told them the truth. What I left out was the fact that when I walked up to her, I jumped on the bed, held out my hand and introduced myself with the words, 'Edward, APL." She had giggled slightly and taken my hand, replying with, "Tanya, CML."

She had been my best friend ever since that day.

"Hi, Edward." I looked in front of me to see Ben standing in front of me. He had a finger in his mouth and was looking a little healthier than I'd seen him before. Maybe things were looking up for him. Finally.

"Hey, Benny." I pulled his finger out of his mouth and he bit his lip, smiling at me. He knew he wasn't supposed to chew on his finger. "How're you doing?"

"Good." He grinned at me. "Dr. Aro says that if I'm well enough, I can go to my cousin's birthday party tomorrow."

"That's great." I hoped he was well enough. The poor kid lived on this ward and I don't think he'd seen the outside of it for a good few months. It wasn't fair on him to be cooped up like he was. I got that it was necessary, but it sucked for him. "Well, you just have to do what Dr. Aro says to make sure you can go."

He nodded enthusiastically before looking at me with a serious look in his eye. "Are you alright now?" _Shit!_ I'd forgotten that he'd seen me on Saturday. Of course he'd remember that I was upset.

"Yeah," I nodded, a small smile on my lips. "I'm alright now. It was just a bad day."

"I told your mom that she'd make it better." He grinned at me before giving me and the other two a wave and running off across the ward. I laughed as he turned and saw that he wasn't wearing any underwear underneath his hospital gown. He must have run off before someone could get it on him.

"How do you do it?" Jasper whispered, shaking his head. I looked at him, wondering what he meant. He gestured at Ben who was now being forced into some underwear and pyjama bottoms by his mother. She gave me a small wave before turning back to him. "Just sitting there talking to that kid. I don't know how you do it. I don't think I could."

"I've been coming in here so much with Tanya, I guess I've just kinda . . . grown used to it, I guess." I sighed and the two of them shook their heads.

"How do you get used to this?" Emmett nodded towards the groups of children and teenagers that were sat around. Most of the teenagers hadn't been here long. I wasn't sure what it was each of them had, but they were fairly recent additions so I didn't know their names.

"You don't, really." I shrugged, not knowing how to answer him fully. "You just have to . . . deal with it in your own way. Some people don't actually allow themselves to believe that they're in such a devastating place, some cry it out whenever they can and some clock themselves off. It's all you can do really." I looked back towards the door, wanting them to come out sometime soon. "I've been coming here a lot with Tanya, just helping her through," _lie_, "and . . . it's like with Ben, you just . . . get attached to them. They're so used to feeling pain and knowing that it's not all rainbows and butterflies in the world that nothing really fazes them anymore. And that's not right. Ben . . . he's been here for so long. He's got something called Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma. I'm not sure what it entails but it takes its toll. He's barely left the ward in the last six, seven months. That's why he's so excited at the prospect of leaving, if only for a day."

We sat there in silence for a while longer and I wondered how long the girls would be. Tanya deserved a little bit of girl time, even if it was with three girls she didn't know. She needed that time to make herself feel better about herself and part of me was glad I could have provided that for her.

I wondered what Bella was thinking as she sat in there with them. Did she even have an opinion of my outside our lesson together and study time?

Only time will tell, I guess.

. . . . . . .


	10. Chapter 9

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognised characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. The plot and any characters added in are mine.**_

_**Either I'm five days late or I'm two days early, take your pick. Unfortunately, the next update won't be until Saturday due to work schedules and all the fun stuff that comes with real life – can you sense the sarcasm – but I have a little treat for you.**_

_**There is a poll on my profile about a surprise POV. You get to choose whose you want. It's one of two choices. You'll see them on my profile. The poll will be open until Saturday 9th October at 12 noon (GMT).**_

_**Go vote.**_

_**Bella**_

When Rose said about Edward asking her to do a make-over on his friend Tanya, I thought she had been kidding. Apparently not. I had asked Edward about it in Bio and he had told me that she didn't really feel like she was beautiful anymore. He wanted her to feel the way she used to.

I swear I almost let out an 'aww' at the moment.

He cared deeply for her and yet professed that she was his best friend. I wondered if there had ever been anything more between the two of them. Some part of me wished there hadn't and I couldn't help but wonder why there were unruly feelings happening within me.

I couldn't be jealous, could I?

Why should I be?

Either way, I soon found myself walking through the doors to the Oncology ward in the hospital, realising it was just how Edward had said it was. He had told me it wasn't a place you wanted to be and some part of me agreed. Another part wanted to be here because this was a part of Edward's life, even if it wasn't the best part. It was obviously important to him if he came back here over and over again. Actually, I think the reason was tattooed on his forearm.

"Hi," I turned to see Rose talking to a friendly looking nurse. She looked tired, but animated as Rose explained that we were here to see Tanya and that we were friends with Edward as well. I wasn't so sure about the 'friends' part, but the nurse said that she'd be back in a few moments with Edward. It didn't surprise me that he was here already.

"Hey," I looked past Rose and saw Edward standing there, a slightly nervous smile on his face. I could see in his posture that he was happy we'd come, though it was clear he was confused as to why Emmett and Jasper were standing behind the three of us.

"They wanted to come." I could hear the eye roll in Rose's voice as she shook her head. "What trouble they think we can get up to in here is a mystery but whatever. I told them they're to stay out here, as are you." He held up his hands in mock surrender at her words, yet I could see the amusement in his eyes.

"Tan?" We made our way into a private room and Edward moved towards the bed. The way he moved was so careful and precise, it was as though he was making contact with a china doll. "Hey, Tawny. This is Rose, Alice and Bella." He indicated towards the three of us as we made our way into the room. I gave her a small smile and a little wave which she returned as she watched us.

I could see that when she had been healthy, she would have been absolutely stunning. What was left of her hair was a strawberry blonde colour and would have been amazing. Her eyes were a blue I was sure would have been striking when she was at her best. She was pale, as were the rest of us in the room and she was underweight but she was still beautiful as she lay there. It hurt to think of anyone in pain, let alone someone who meant so much to someone you knew.

"Alrighty, shoo. Out, go on, shoo!" I laughed at Alice getting rid of the boys and smiled even wider when I heard Tanya doing the same. "It's the only way to get rid of them."

"Definitely." She nodded, trying to sit up. I moved around the bed, placing a hand on her back, helping her settle back into the pillows again. "Thanks."

"No problem." I sat on the chair next to her bed.

"Right." Rose picked up one of the enormous cases she'd brought with her. "Let's make you the envy of every girl up here."

Alice quickly shut the door and pulled the blinds closed. She flicked on a light and illuminated the entire room and Rose nodded her approval stating that we didn't want the boys being nosy.

While Alice and Rose worked on her hair and make-up, flitting around and giggling at random points – Alice even decided she was going to swipe the blush brush across Rose's nose which initiated a little war between the two of them – I sat and gave her a manicure.

"So how long have you known Edward?" I asked and she tore her eyes away from the bickering pair to look at me.

"Since we were ten." She sighed, smiling a little. "I remember, I was up here, having some tests done and my mom had gone to find the doctor. She gets impatient very quickly. I think he was up here waiting for his dad or something like that and suddenly, the next thing I know, there's someone sitting next to me. I turned to see him sitting there on the bed, grinning at me. He just held out his hand and said 'Hi, I'm Edward'. He's been my best friend since that moment."

"That's so cute." Alice and Rose had given up on their fight, watching Tanya and I. The two of us let out a laugh at the two of them. "What?"

"Have the two of you seen what you look like?" The shook their heads and we laughed again. Rose was standing there with a huge streak of bright red blush running across the bridge of her nose and blue eye-shadow on her forehead. I think she had some on her neck as well, but I couldn't be sure. Alice on the other hand had lipgloss on both cheeks and mascara on her chin. "Take a look in the mirror."

They both ran into the bathroom that joined onto Tanya's room and started giggling at their reflections. They looked fucking hilarious. I wish I'd thought to get a picture before I'd enlightened them to their 'battle wounds'.

"So how long have you known Edward?" Tanya asked as I resumed buffing her nails gently. They seemed pretty weak already and I didn't want to cause any more damage.

"Not long." I sighed, smiling up at her. "Only a couple of weeks. We were put next to each other in Biology when I started at Forks High, so he's had to put up with me for that project."

"So you're the bio girl." A sly smirk appeared on her lips and I wondered what that was about.

"Wh-? Has Edward been talking about me?" She nodded, the smirk still on her lips. "What has he said?"

"Not much." She sighed, watching me closely. "But with Edward, that means more than if he was running his mouth about you. If he's keeping tight lipped it means there's something more there."

"Are you sure?" Surely if you liked someone, you'd be talking about them all the time right? Maybe it was different for Edward.

"Definitely." She nodded, glancing at Alice and Rose as they appeared again, all traces of unwanted make up. "Trust me on this."

"On what?" That pixie was too nosy for her own good.

"Edward likes Bella." I stared at Tanya who shrugged, smirking at me. "What? He does."

"Has he actually said that?" I asked and she shrugged again. I felt like Alice, Rose and Tanya were all coming to their own conclusions with this one.

"He doesn't have to." She looked at me conspiratorially for a moment. "I've known him a long time, Bella. It's what he _doesn't_ say that means the most."

Wow. That was really confusing.

We sat there for a while longer, chatting and Alice actually attacked me with her make-up. I allowed her to put a little gloss and mascara on but that was it.

Apparently, when Rose had said that she was prepared, she hadn't been kidding. She told us how her mom used to do this exact same thing for Emmett's mom when she was diagnosed with breast cancer and being treated on this ward. Tanya looked a little worried at that statement, her eyes flicking to the door a couple of times. She didn't say anything but we could all sense there was something running through her mind. None of us brought it up and Rose went on to say that because of Emmett's mom, her mom had come up with an idea to make her feel like who she used to.

And that was when Rosalie pulled out the strawberry blonde wig she'd been hiding.

I didn't know what to think when I saw it but as soon as I looked at Tanya, seeing the smile on her face and the tears in her eyes at the gesture, I knew she'd done the best thing.

It took a little while to get it sat right and looking natural but when it was, you could see that she was absolutely stunning when she'd had her own hair.

"So . . ." Rose took a breath, making one more little flick in the wig before stepping back and picking up a mirror. "Are you ready to see yourself?"

Tanya nodded and Rose turned the mirror around. She inhaled sharply, her eyes filling with tears again. The foundation and blush Alice had used made her look a lot healthier than she had when we'd first walked into the room. The eye shadow and mascara brought out the bright blue in her eyes and the gloss on her lips was a shade darker making them seem fuller and more impressive. The wig framed her face falling around her shoulders and – thanks to Rose's expertise – looked completely natural.

"Thank you." She whispered, looking at the three of us. "Thank you so much."

"Don't mention it." The three of us replied and she shook her head, taking a deep breath. "You ready to see the boys?" Alice asked and Tanya nodded, smiling slightly.

Both Alice and Rose left to go and fetch Edward, Emmett and Jasper. I looked at Tanya who was watching me closely.

"I meant what I said earlier, you know." She whispered and I felt my brow furrowing in confusion. A lot of things had been said between the four of us while we'd been in here. I couldn't remember what it was we'd talked about while Alice and Rose were cleaning themselves up from their little fight. "He likes you. As more than a friend."

"I don't know. I-"

"But _I_ do." She said softly, yet sternly. There was a lot behind those words. "He does like you, Bella. He might not show it or even realise it properly yet, but he does. I know he doesn't make an effort to get to know people and there is a reason for it. Don't push him and he might open up to you. I know he doesn't trust easily and it must have taken him a lot to ask Rose to help me today. He walls himself off and I don't really think he realises how much he needs people."

"You know why he isolates himself, don't you?" She nodded, biting her lip gently.

"It's not my story to tell." I shook my head, not expecting her to tell me. "But . . . please . . ." She looked up at me again, her eyes wide with worry. "Don't hurt him."

"I don't ever plan on hurting him." I replied softly, placing a hand on her own, being mindful of the tubes and needles. I don't know how she could stand knowing that they were there all the time. I couldn't stand needles, ever. "Ever."

"Good." She took a shuddering breath, looking down at our hands. "He's been hurt too much already." She smiled gently. "But, if you do want him to get the message that you like him, because I can see that you do." Did I? I wasn't sure that I didn't. But would that be such a bad thing? According to Tanya, he liked me, so did I have to worry? "If you want him to get the message, you have to be direct. Hints won't do it. Because he's male, you have to really throw it in his face or he won't get the message."

"Have a lot of faith in him then, yeah?" I raised an eyebrow and she giggled.

"Hey, Edward's the smartest guy I know – with the exception of the doctors, but he could give them a run for their money – but he's not so good with the common sense." She laughed and I nodded.

"My mom always says that the more qualifications someone has, the less common sense they possess." She nodded and laughed alongside me. My mom had never really believed in needing a higher level of education to get anywhere in life. She said that if you had the drive and determination you didn't need college. Bit of a flake is my mother, but you gotta love her for it. She respected my dream of going to college, but didn't see it in the plan for herself when she was my age. Apart from the fact she had me at nineteen. Kind of put a halt to her plans, didn't it?

"Whose intelligence and common sense are you two insulting?" I turned to see Edward, leaning on the doorframe watching us.

"Yours." I replied easily and the two of us laughed.

He rolled his eyes and walked into the room slowly, a smile spreading across his face as he saw Tanya properly. "Wow." He whispered and she blushed gently and rolled her eyes. "There's the old Tanya."

"Shut it, you." She looked away from him, winking at me. I shook my head, laughing.

"Are you ever going to doubt that you're beautiful again?" Edward asked as he sat down on the bed on the other side of her. She laughed and smacked him gently. "Seriously. How can you not see how gorgeous you are?"

"You have those three to thank for that." She nodded towards me before gesturing at the door where Rose, Alice, Jasper and Emmett were standing. I looked over at the four of them to see three of them smiling at the interaction.

Emmett on the other hand, had a curious look on his face. He had a confused and wondering expression on his face and he didn't take his eyes off Edward as he sat there. The more I looked at the two of them, I saw that it seemed that whereas Emmett was clearly watching Edward, probably wanting to get his attention without making it obvious, Edward was pointedly ignoring Emmett.

What was going on there?

I would have to find out later.

We sat there and chatted for a little while longer, Tanya taking great joy in embarrassing Edward with tales of things they'd done in the past. Apparently, he'd been as much of a troublemaker as he was now when he was little. Although, when he was younger it appeared to be nothing more than sneaking sweets and things before dinner or something equally as innocent. You know, the normal things you'd expect a child to get caught up in.

Now, it seemed to be a lot worse.

Getting pulled over and being slapped with a DUI for one thing. Being arrested for possession, even if it wasn't your fault. Maybe I should tell Edward that.

He deserved to know that he'd been saddled with the blame because the other boys didn't want to get into trouble.

Pricks.

"Alright, visiting hours are over everyone. Gotta go, I'm afraid." It was the nurse that we had seen when we'd got here. She waited for us to get moving before leaving.

We all said goodbye to Tanya, promising to come and see her soon. Honestly, I didn't know how long she had left. Edward had said it was about a month or so. I could see that it hurt him when he had to leave her. He didn't want to say goodbye to her and if I thought about it, to him, every goodbye he said might be his last. I wouldn't want to be in his shoes. Never knowing.

With Gianna, we had known she wasn't going to make it. They had been able to tell us that when we arrived at the hospital. But being in a constant state of not knowing must be tearing Edward apart. He would never know when he was going to see her again. When would the goodbye he said to her be the last one?

I felt my heart go out to the both of them as I watched them say goodbye.

I could see what he meant at his house the other day though. She was clearly ready to go. You could see in her eyes that she had had enough of lingering. She had had enough of the treatments that weren't working and the efforts to keep her alive. She was ready to go. And it made everything harder for Edward.

She was ready to go. He wasn't ready to _let_ her go.

I leaned down, giving her a quick hug before we left and she pulled me close. "Remember what I said." She whispered so quietly, I barely heard the words myself. I nodded and she smiled at me before I left the room, getting curious looks from Alice and Rose. They knew some kind of exchange had happened, but I'll be damned if I let them in on it before I'm one hundred per cent sure of what was going on myself.

"Thank you guys. For today." Edward said softly as he joined us outside.

"Don't worry about it, Edward." Alice said softly and we all nodded. "All she needed was a little pampering and we were happy to provide that. Girl time can be the best time sometimes." I let out a laugh at her wording and the others followed suit.

"Edward?" We all turned to see a tall blonde man walking towards us. He was wearing a white doctor's coat so I think my guess of him working here at the hospital was accurate. Either that or he had been in the supply closet and was wearing someone else's coat. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, Dad, everything's fine." Edward shook his head gently as the man I'd just learned was his father looked him up and down. "We were just here seeing Tanya." He nodded slowly, his eyes travelling over the rest of us.

"So this is the elusive Dr. Cullen." I smirked at Edward, who rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"Yeah. Dad, this is Bella. Bella, this is my father, Carlisle Cullen." He gestured back and forth as his dad grinned at me and held out his hand.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Bella." He had the same crooked grin as his son did and I had to say, the both of them pulled it off extremely well. "You seem to have my wife all in a tizz."

"It's a pleasure to meet you as well, Dr. Cullen. And I don't really know what to say about Esme. She didn't seem to be acting strange when I've seen her." I shook my head and he laughed.

"That's because you're company." He shook his head, chuckling.

"Oh yeah. She's fine while you're there but after you leave . . ." Edward made a whistling noise and rotated his finger next to his temple. I shook my head, smirking at him.

"Oh, I'm telling your mommy." His eyes narrowed at me and I stuck my tongue out at him. "And there ain't nothing you can do about it."

"Tattle tale." He muttered and I nodded, not caring in the least. "Are you home tonight?" He asked, turning to his dad.

"Yeah, I'll be home about eleven, so tell your mother not to wait up for me."

"You know she will." He rolled his eyes as his dad nodded. "Anyway, I'll see you later, Dad."

"See you at home. It was nice meeting you, Bella." He waved and I nodded.

"You too, Dr. Cullen."

"Call me Carlisle." I nodded, smiling again.

"Are your parents always that laid back?" I asked as his dad disappeared down the hallway.

"Only until I do something to get in trouble." He shrugged, putting his jacket on, his eyes still fixed on where his father had disappeared to. "Other than that they are pretty laid back. I guess they don't really want to waste time with punishments when they don't have to."

"Apart from when you get a tattoo." I shot back and he nodded.

"Well, yeah." He sighed, looking down at this arm, even though the ink was covered with his sleeve. "I'm still grounded for that."

"You better get home then." He nodded and the two of us turned to look for the others, finding they weren't there. "What the-"

"It appears we've been ditched." He said, amusement in his voice.

"Well, _I_ have. They were my ride home. Now I'm stuck here and I don't have money for a cab." What the hell were they thinking?

"Want me to give you a ride?" _That's_ what they were thinking. Nosy gits.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah." He nodded, finding his phone in his pocket and pulling it out. "I've got my car here and I wouldn't feel right if you didn't have a way to get home."

"Uh . . . thanks." Well, what did one actually say to that?

He fiddled with his phone for a few seconds before sliding it back into his pocket and smirking at me again. The two of us walked back down the corridor and waited for an elevator, the silence between us slightly awkward. We hadn't actually been alone together for an extended period of time that didn't involve school work, so I had no idea what we were going to do or talk about.

"How do you do it?" I asked, quietly, glancing back at the entrance to the ward as the elevator dinged, announcing its arrival.

"Do what?" He asked, sounding only slightly confused.

"Spend so much time on that ward." I sighed, shaking my head at my stupidity as I stepped into the elevator. He stepped in behind me and pressed the appropriate button. "I mean, it was exactly like you said. It's not somewhere I'd want to be if I didn't have to be."

"I do have to be there though." He said softly, not looking at me, rather focusing on the slightly textured wall of the elevator. "Tanya needs me and I can't let her down."

"I know."

"I know you do."

We walked out of the hospital in silence and I followed him across the parking lot to where his Volvo was parked. Upon approaching it, I stopped and raised an eyebrow. I'd not seen this car before, wondering if it had been in the garage when I'd been to the house and he sighed.

"My mom." He shrugged, opening the passenger door for me. Cue eyebrow raise, again. "What? It's the way I was raised. Now get in."

"Very gentlemanly." I quipped, my voice full of sarcasm and he laughed as he closed the door. "So," I sighed as he slid into the driver's seat and started the car up. He turned on the heating because even though it was March, it could still be chilly in the Olympic Peninsula. Especially when still trying to adapt from a climate like Arizona. "What's with the car?"

"My mom overcompensating with the safety. I think she thinks it cancels out the bike." He shook his head as he put the car in reverse and making his way out of the parking lot. "I'm surprised I'm still allowed to drive either of them, actually."

"Yeah," I looked out of the window, watching as the lights passed us on the way back to the main town. "My um . . . my dad told me that he'd arrested you for . . . possession."

"Yup."

"I also know that it wasn't your fault." He stiffened at my words, his hands gripping the steering wheel tightly.

"What do you mean?" His voice was tight and I was getting a little worried. Both Charlie and Jacob had said he had a lot of anger inside and I didn't want anything to happen to either of us if I told him.

"Find somewhere to pull over." I instructed and he glanced at me, confused. "I can see it's going to get you worked up and I don't feel like being wrapped around a tree, so find somewhere to pull over and I'll tell you what I found out."

He sighed, shaking his head but clearly coming to the conclusion that he wasn't going to get anywhere. We both spotted the diner at the same time and he pulled in. I didn't know about Edward but I was hungry and wanted something fatty and greasy and Forks diner seemed like the ideal place for what I wanted. I motioned for him to follow me and he dutifully trailed behind as we entered the establishment.

It didn't take long for us to find a booth, considering there weren't many people in here at this time. I thought I saw Mike, Lauren, Jessica and that lot in the back but really couldn't car e less.

"What do you want?" I asked and he looked uncomfortable for a minute. "What is it? You must know what you like from here."

"Honestly?" He shook his head, resting his chin in the palm of his hand as his finger drew invisible patterns on the laminated menu. "I've never eaten in here before."

"Seriously?" I knew that my eyebrows must have disappeared into my hairline at that statement. Was he trying to tell me that he'd lived in Forks his entire life and never eaten at the diner before? I'd been here two weeks and had already eaten here five times. Apparently Charlie needs his grease fix. Personally, I preferred my own cooking but whatever. Sometimes you need the fast food. "You never eaten here before?" He shook his head. "How come?"

"My mom." Was it just me or was that his answer for everything. "The only one who gets away with eating fast food of any kind is my dad, purely because he can order what he wants when he's working at the hospital. With my mom everything's organic, steamed or whatever."

"Bit of a health nut?" I smiled and he smiled back ruefully.

"You could say that."

"Well, I can tell you that the best thing on this menu are the burgers and for your first real venture into the world of diner food, I'd say they're win." He grinned at me and I knew I'd managed to do something right. How was it that smile made me feel so good? I wasn't entirely sure.

When the waitress came, Edward let me order for him considering he wasn't entirely sure on anything on the menu. He asked for a water, not really wanting to push it with a soda, while I had a coke.

"Have you ever had soda?" I asked and he shook his head. "_Never_?"

"Nope." He shrugged, smiling playfully at me. "Not missing much, am I?"

"I don't know." I smirked as the waitress put our drinks on the table. I picked up my glass, taking a long sip through the straw. "The world of sugar and carbonated goodness is one I don't know I could live without."

"I bet you could." He leaned forward, resting his arms on the table in front of him. "I bet you could go a month without any kind of soda."

"What's the bet?" I challenged, mimicking his pose.

"Whatever you want." He shrugged, his green eyes full of mischief. I'd never noticed how compelling his eyes were before. It was as though there were a million secrets dwelling in there, just waiting to break the surface.

"Alright," I thought for a moment before answering. "If I can go a month without soda, after this one, obviously." He nodded, smirking at me. "Then you have to drink one of my choosing."

"Interesting." He nodded, chuckling gently.

"Deal?" I raised an eyebrow, extending my hand towards him.

"Deal." He took my hand, effectively sealing our deal.

"But how will you know if I've stuck to it?" I asked, finding the flaw in his little challenge and he shrugged, sitting back in his chair.

"I won't." He shook his head, watching me. "But _you_ will. I know it's small . . . but can you lie about something like that?"

He had me there. If there was one thing I couldn't stand it was lies. If someone was lying to you, how could you trust them again once you found out? If there was one thing I knew, lies always find a way of breaking to the surface. There was no hiding them forever. Even something small.

"No." I whispered and he smiled again.

He opened his mouth to say something just as the waitress returned with our food. She asked us if we wanted a refill on our drinks and I was about to order another coke before remembering and going with a lemon water instead. Edward Cullen would not be winning this little bet.

"What did you mean?" He asked as he picked at the fries on the edge of his plate as the waitress walked away. "In the car?"

Shit. I knew this was coming, yet I hadn't been fully prepared for it.

"About it not being your fault?" He nodded, his eyes dark as he watched me. "The other day . . . Sunday, I think it was, I um . . . I went down to First Beach on La Push." He nodded, understanding where I had been. "And um . . . three of the locals, I guess you'd call them, were there. One of them, it turns out is the son of my dad's best friend. Jacob Black."

"I know, Jake." He nodded, looking down at the table. "He's a good guy."

"Yeah." I took a breath, taking the moment to munch on a few of my fries while I gathered my thoughts. "Anyway, two of his friends were with him . . . um, Embry and Quil, I think their names were." I knew I had the right names when Edward's eyes seemed to darken. Clearly not on speaking terms with those two. "Anyway, one of them, Embry I think it was, seemed a little nervous around me and Jake mentioned something about 'extracurricular activities', which I think is universal code for illegal." He nodded again, still watching me. "I think it was Jake that said something about my dad catching them and then Embry said about 'the Cullen kid taking the fall'."

"What?" His word was barely audible and I didn't think he'd meant to say it aloud.

"He said that it wasn't like you were friends and it wasn't like you cared what happened, so he just let it happen." I looked up at him and saw that he had his head in his hands. He let out a breath, running his hands through his hair.

"_This_ is why I don't let people get close to me." He said softly, not looking at me.

"What am I then?"

He sat there for a moment, clearly thinking about my question before his eyes met mine. There was such pain in his gaze. Such heartache and loneliness and I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around him in that moment. "The exception."

I gave him a small smile at his words. He didn't return it. "Who needs people like that in your life anyway? You need people you can rely on. People who'll be there for you when you need them. Not people that rat you out to save their own asses." I chuckled lightly, remembering something from back in Phoenix. "One of my friends used to say that a friend is someone who comes to bail you out of jail but a true friend is the one sitting next to you in the cell saying 'we fucked up, but man it was fun'." He laughed and I felt slightly better. "Those are the kind of people you need in your life."

"Do they actually exist?" What on earth had happened to him to make him lose faith like this?

"If you look hard enough." I reached out across the table and in a rare bold move placed my hand on top of his. "If you need to, you can talk to me, Edward."

He looked at our hands for a moment before his gaze reached my eyes. There was a look of disbelief, desperation and . . . hope on his face.

"Thank you."

"No problem." I looked down at our food, not wanting to waste it. "Now let's eat before it gets cold. Get ready to taste the goodness of fat."

He laughed before his copied my movements and picked up his burger, biting into it. From the expressions on his face and the appreciative noises he was making, I could see I'd hit jackpot.

Edward liked diner food.

"Think your mom would let you come here more often?" I asked as we left the diner. He had insisted on paying the bill – something I wasn't happy about, but considering he'd placed a few bills on the table and dragged me away from it before I could complain, I couldn't really do anything – and we were now walking back towards his car.

"Not a chance in Hell." He laughed, turning to face me. "You have more chance of Emmett dressing in drag and doing the hula than my mom setting foot in there. There's no way any of the food meets her requirements."

"Did you just quote the Lion King?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at him, letting him know he'd been caught.

"I did indeed." He chuckled, pressing a button on his keys unlocking his car. Not that it needed to be locked, really. This was Forks after all. "What? I thought that the little dance they did at the end was funny."

"It was." I agreed, still slightly stunned when he opened the door for me. He shook his head, indicating for me to just get in and not say anything, so I did.

The drive back to my house was silent and I couldn't help but mull over what Tanya had said. Did Edward actually like me? As more than a friend? I couldn't see it myself but I could feel myself beginning to see him as more than that. Was there any kind of hope for that happening? Maybe, maybe not.

I wouldn't know unless I tried, right?

I bit my lip as we pulled up to my house. I noticed that the lights were still on. Charlie was probably waiting for me to get back. I wasn't ready for the inquisition to begin.

"Bella?" I turned to face Edward to see him watching me. "Thank you."

"For what?" What had I done?

"For today." He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "What you guys did for Tanya. Helping me to get away from all the shit happening at the moment. We both really needed it."

"Anytime." I smiled at him, pleased to receive one in return. "I mean it. If there's anything you need, don't think you can't."

"Thank you." He looked down at his hands on the steering wheel for a moment. "I don't really have anyone I can turn to. People don't really want to be around me."

"Well, that's their fault." He looked at me, slightly stunned and I nodded. "From what I've seen, the people in this town are idiots. There's so much more to you than meets the eye. All anyone else sees is the mask you've put in place. The one to keep people away and more fool them to not try to see past it. Because you know what I see?" He shook his head, clearly wondering what I was on. I couldn't blame him. It was clear that for a long time he'd been seen as nothing more than a troublemaker and a nuisance. It must have been strange for someone to actually see him for _him_. "I see someone caring and kind. Loyal and compassionate. Respectful of his parents and loving to his close friends. Tanya's really lucky to have someone like you she can count on. From the sounds of it, you've been there for her for a long time." He nodded, closing his eyes softly. "You've given a lot, Edward. The people of Forks might not see it, hell, even _you_ might not see it, but I do. You give so much. You can once in a while."

"I don't know how." He whispered, his eyes still closed and I took a deep breath, inwardly cursing myself for what I was thinking.

"Just take what you want. Like this."

Before I could stop myself, I pressed my lips to his, feeling the softness against my own lips. He stiffened slightly at the contact, relaxing slightly before I increased the pressure and broke away, letting out a breath.

"Goodnight, Edward." I whispered as he sat there, looking slightly shocked. I managed to hold in a giggle as I climbed out of the car and made my way up to my house.

Maybe Tanya had been right.

Maybe being direct _was_ the answer.

I just hope I hadn't fucked everything up.

. . . . . . . . .


	11. Chapter 10

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognised characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. The plot and any characters added in are mine.**_

_**So everyone wanted to see Esme's POV in the poll. Here we go then.**_

_**Esme**_

Finding out that you're going to become a mother is a feeling that only comes second to one other:

Actually _becoming_ a mother.

When my friends and acquaintances were all expecting their first children, they told of the fear of labour. How they didn't want to endure hours of pain and misery and were going to opt for an epidural as soon as one was offered. After they'd had their babies, they didn't mention the one thing that stands out above all others.

The overwhelming love you feel when you first lay eyes on your little creation.

Looking down at Edward as he slept peacefully beside me, I remembered it as though it was yesterday. I remembered the nerves and anxiety as I called Carlisle, telling him I was in labour. He had popped out to adhere to my craving request. Edward had me eating a lot of peanut butter on pizza. I thought it tasted divine at the time. Carlisle, on the other hand, didn't share that opinion.

I can see why now.

I clearly remembered the pain of the contractions but opted not to have an epidural. It had taken Carlisle and I a long time to get pregnant with Edward and I didn't know if I was ever going to have any more children after him. I know to some it sounds ridiculous, but I wanted to experience everything. No matter how painful.

Hours later – I wasn't sure how many, I'd lost count by that point – I heard the first wailing cries of my baby. A moment later, he was on my chest, laying there, a squirming, squealing mess but in my eyes, he was perfect. I had never felt anything so strongly as I felt the overwhelming surge of love as I looked down on my son, barely a minute old as he made his presence in the world known.

I had looked at Carlisle as they took him to get him cleaned up and saw tears glistening in his eyes as he watched the nurses with our newborn son. The love on his face was palpable.

I couldn't stop the tears as they handed him to me. He had quieted, breathing softly as he opened his bright blue eyes, looking at myself and then at Carlisle, probably wondering who the hell we were. The tears flowed freely down my cheeks as I looked at my son. He stared straight back as if to say 'I know you'.

I didn't let him out of my sight as they took my back to the maternity ward. Apparently, it was common for new mothers to want to be with their babies for as long as possible. I held him as they wheeled me back through, never taking my eyes off of the beautiful, tiny human being I had helped to create. It was a incredible to think that he had been living inside me for the previous nine months.

My little Edward.

Naming him after my father seemed like the right thing to do and of course, he was overjoyed at the fact he had a grandson and I could see he became a little teary when we told him his name.

Big softie was my father.

Even seventeen years later, he still had an incredible soft spot for Edward and couldn't resist spoiling him whenever they came to visit. His excuse was that they only had one grandchild to spoil so they were going to whenever they could.

I remembered the look of awe on Carlisle's face as he took Edward from me, holding his son for the very first time. It was a look that said 'I can't believe you're finally here'. He looked up at me, tears rolling down his cheeks, looking completely at odds with the wide grin on his face and said 'Thank you.' I had asked him what for and all he had answered with was 'he's perfect'.

I had to agree. He was.

I sighed again, looking down at Edward, running my fingers through his hair gently. Even though he was a hell of a lot bigger than he had been back then, to me he would always be my baby. He was so precious to me and I couldn't bear the thought of anything happening to him. Unfortunately, no matter how much I tried to protect him, we hadn't been able to protect him from his own body.

"_Carlisle?" I called, walking down the stairs into the living room. It was a rare day that Carlisle had off from the hospital and I knew he wanted to spend it with Edward and myself. I found him, sitting at the kitchen island, drinking a cup of coffee and reading the newspaper, something he rarely had time to do anymore._

"_Good morning, darling." He grinned as I walked up behind him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders._

"_Where's Edward?" I asked, wondering where our mischievous little four year old was._

"_I think he's still sleeping." He answered, handing me a cup of coffee._

_I glanced at the clock, my brow furrowing as I thought about that. That wasn't right. It was eight thirty and although he may only be four, Edward was normally up and running around by this time. We had a morning lark for a son and even though I knew when it came time for him to start going to school it would be a blessing, at the moment sometimes it was more of a curse. I think I can honestly say, no one wants to be woken up at seven o'clock on a Sunday when they don't have to be up._

"_That's odd." I broke away from Carlisle, placing my untouched coffee back on the island._

"_What is?"_

"_Well, he's normally up and running around, begging to watch some kind of inane babble on the television at this point. At least until he's sufficiently distracted with breakfast, that is." He chuckled at my words. Unfortunately, working in the ER meant that Carlisle didn't get to spend much time at home. He spent whatever time he could with the two of us but I knew he wanted to be home more often. It was obvious that when he was working a double shift and wasn't home for days at a time, Edward missed his daddy._

_I made my way up the stairs towards Edward's room. It was just down the hall from mine and Carlisle's so we could get to him quickly if he ever needed us. It was rare, but there had been times when he'd had nightmares. It was more of a comfort thing for us really, than him. It seemed we were the ones who needed him close and not the other way around._

"_Edward, sweetie." I opened his door slowly, making my way over to his bed. He was still asleep, which was strange. "Come on, sweetheart, time to get up."_

_I pulled his covers down, causing him to curl up a little. I smiled a little at his reaction. Carlisle did the same thing when he didn't want to wake up._

_I sighed gently, looking down at his sheets. He was just getting through the bed wetting stage and I think we might have been all clear this morning._

_However, it wasn't wet or stained sheets that caught my attention. It was the bright purple bruise at the base of his spine, right where one of his vertebrae rested. I gently pulled up his pyjama top, my breath whooshing out of me when I saw the string of bruises running up his spine._

"_Carlisle!" I shouted, startling Edward awake. He rolled over, facing me and I immediately felt bad. "I'm sorry for scaring you, baby." I whispered, pulling him to me, rocking backwards and forwards gently as I heard Carlisle's footsteps running up the stairs._

"_What?" He looked at me, panicked before walking over to the two of us._

_I moved Edward so that his back was facing Carlisle. "Pull up his top." He looked at me as though I had lost my mind and I nodded, trying to hold back the tears._

_He knelt down in front of the two of us and gently pulled up Edward's top, a loud gasp emanating from him as he laid eyes on what had me calling him up here. He looked at me, fear and worry in his eyes and I clutched Edward closer to me. He looked up at me, his emerald eyes not comprehending what was wrong and I whispered to him that everything was alright. That everything was okay._

_How wrong I had been._

I pulled Edward closer to me, his breathing still even as he lay there. I had been so long since that day and yet I still felt the pain of the words Dr. Aro had uttered two days later after performing a blood test on Edward.

'_. . . indicates a leukemic syndrome . . .'_

'_. . . bone marrow biopsy to confirm . . .'_

There had been a lot of things about that day that I wanted to forget. I wanted to forget Dr. Aro sitting in front of me, eyes flicking between myself and Edward with a look of sympathy on his face. I wanted to forget looking down at Edward, knowing my entire world was falling apart while he was blissfully oblivious. I wanted to forget having to calm Edward while they were prepping him for the biopsy, the tears and fear I could see and feel coming from my baby boy. Because he was so young and so small they had to put him to sleep to do it, whereas on an adult they would have just numbed the area. I hated seeing him so scared. He kept shouting for me and Carlisle and it broke my heart as they took him from us.

I remembered walking into his hospital room and seeing him in that bed. He looked so small and so frail. He was still asleep and the nurses had told us he would be for another couple of hours. I sat next to him, running my fingers through his hair as I watched him sleep. He didn't move at all, but Carlisle said that was normal under anaesthetic.

The days following the biopsy were excruciating. Dr Aro had told us they would take a few days to come through, but because of what he suspected Edward had, the results would be rushed. Unfortunately, there were some things that took time no matter what you were waiting for.

Seeing my baby boy in pain was the worst part of it though. After he had come to in the hospital, he had started feeling the pain from where the needle had been inserted into his hip. He said it hurt and didn't go away. Dr. Aro explained that his hip would most likely ache for a few days after the procedure but that didn't help any. Edward was still in pain and I didn't want that to be the case. I asked if there was anything we could give him to ease his discomfort and he suggested a warm compress and maybe some children's Tylenol to ease the ache.

It didn't really work and just made Edward more irritable because he couldn't move about. He was always an active child and having to sit still because of being in pain was worse for him that the being in hospital was. I don't think he minded mommy waiting on him hand and foot though. I think he rather enjoyed that.

When Dr. Aro called us into his office four days later, saying he had the results of Edward's biopsy, all hopes of us hearing that his theory being a mistake were dashed when he solemnly motioned for us to sit. He calmly asked Edward if he wanted to play with the toys he had in his office – having dealt with a lot of children in his career, more than he would have liked to – at which Edward jumped. He softly told us that Edward was suffering from acute promyelocytic leukaemia.

I felt my entire world collapse as I sat there, watching my little boy obliviously playing with a fire engine on the floor.

Dr. Aro suggested that chemotherapy and radiotherapy were the best places to start, as well as finding a transplant donor. He said that with our permission, he would start searching for a donor as soon as possible. Of course, Carlisle and I gave him the go ahead and the two of us were tested to see if we were matches ourselves. As it turned out, we were not.

It was that night when Edward was fast asleep that I broke down and called my father. He was devastated when I told him everything that had been going on and told me that he and my mother would be on a flight from California immediately. Carlisle had called his parents and they were also coming into town to see what they could do to help. Carlisle's parents lived in Seattle, so they would be here in the morning. They had called Carlisle's sister, Siobhan and she was making her way from Olympia to see what she could do.

I remembered Edward's confusion over all of the sudden attention and people in his home when he woke up the next day. I remembered him being confused and his arms coming around my legs as he looked up at me, his emerald eyes bright and filled with confusion and worry.

After we'd found out about Edward's APL everything had changed. Carlisle had decreased his shifts at the hospital while we tried to adjust to the idea that Edward was not the happy, healthy four year old we were used to having around. He was tired and irritable a lot of the time and I couldn't even think about having Mackenna take care of him anymore. She may have been a highly recommended, qualified nanny but she didn't have the experience for looking after a sick child. She completely understood and it didn't take her very long to find another job.

I remembered taking Edward into my office and having to tell Marcus that I would be taking a step back and not be coming into the office anymore as I had to take care of Edward now.

_I took a deep breath as I sat Edward down on the leather sofa I had in my office. I didn't want to leave him for any length of time but he had his favourite fire truck with him and I would leave the doors open so the others in the office could keep an eye on him._

"_Be good for mommy, okay?" He looked up at me his eyebrows furrowing in confusion._

"_Where you going?" He asked, watching me closely as only a four year old could._

"_I've just got to go and speak to someone for a few minutes." I pressed a kiss to his forehead, wiping away the lipstick I'd left there. "Now, stay here and be good, okay?"_

"_Okay." He nodded, watching me as I left the room. I made sure that the door was wide open as I walked out, nodding to Mary to keep an eye on him. She nodded, smiling at me and I made my way to Marcus's office._

_I knocked on the door and he called for me to come in. I eased the door open, sliding into the room quietly. I closed the door behind me, not really wanting the rest of the office to overhear what was going on. Or more to the point, I didn't want Edward to hear what was going on. For a four year old, he was very perceptive. It was rather worrying at times because you had to be careful of what you said or did all the time. You never knew where he was considering he could be incredibly sneaky as well, appearing when you least expect it._

"_Esme." Marcus beamed as he stood up and walked around his desk. I knew the man had feelings for me and I had indicated time and time again that it wasn't going to happen. I love Carlisle and there was noting that could tear me away from him. "What can I do for you?"_

"_I'm afraid I'm not here with good news, Marcus." His face fell slightly as he watched me. "I've decided I'm having to take a step back when it comes to the business."_

"_You're cutting down your hours?" I shook my head and his expression became even more confused. "What do you mean, then?"_

"_I'm not going to be working _any_ hours."_

"_You can't be serious." He laughed, stopping when he saw that I wasn't joining in. "You are serious."_

"_As a heart attack."_

"_Why, Esme? Why are you doing this now?"_

_I took a deep breath, closing my eyes to stop the tears from building. "I have to take care of Edward." I whispered, looking up at him. He didn't seem convinced by my answer and I knew I had to go on or he would just keep badgering me until I gave him something he was happy with. "Edward's just been diagnosed with APL." When I saw the confused look on his face I knew I had to explain. "Leukaemia." I breathed and his eyebrows shot up. "My son has cancer. I have to look after him."_

"_Are they sure about that?"_

_My eyes snapped up and I felt my anger starting to rise. "What do you mean, are they sure about that?"_

"_Are you sure the results are correct?" His tone told me that he thought it was acceptable to ask if a person's results were correct. "I mean, blood tests aren't the be all and end all of diagnosis, Esme. Why don't you get some more clarification?"_

"_You have got to be joking." I snapped and he straightened, clearly not liking my tone. I really couldn't care less. "You want clarification? How's watching your child have a minor breakdown, screaming for you and his father while nurses and doctors try to sedate him for a biopsy? How's watching said doctors insert a needle into your son's hipbone to draw out bone marrow? How's hearing your baby boy cry and complain that he's in pain for days after having it done? How's that for clarification? I have to leave Marcus. I have to take care of my son. If you were a father, you would understand."_

After I left his office, I hardly spoke to Marcus. Edward and I had seen him out and about a couple of times but had never really interacted with him. Edward had never liked him, so it was better that we didn't see him. In my opinion anyway.

I ran my fingers through his soft hair, feeling him stirring gently. I watched as he stirred in my arms, his eyes opening slowly as he focused on me. It reminded me so much of the day he was born, watching his eyes open and focus on me for the first time. I was immediately transported back almost eighteen years to that moment.

"It's been a while since I woke up to find you curled up next to me." I couldn't help but chuckle gently as I pulled him closer. His arms increased their grip ever so slightly around me at my actions. I hadn't had Edward curl up beside me for quite some time now. I think the last time had been when he'd just found out he was relapsing when he was eleven. He had been scared and didn't want to go through treatment again. But he had been a soldier and persevered even though he was scared. "What's the matter, baby?" I asked softly, hoping that if it was something really wrong, he would tell me.

He shook his head, his nose burying itself in my hair. He had always said that he loved the smell of my hair. "Just been a rough couple of days." I nodded, resting my hand on the side of his neck gently just as I used to do when he was younger. It was always a comfort thing for him. I remembered him climbing into my bed when he was seven after a nightmare, curling himself around me and placing my hand on the side of his neck. He probably didn't remember because it was such a long time ago, but even through my sleepy haze, I remembered his actions.

My son was so strong, yet didn't even realise he was. He thought that he wasn't worth anyone's time and whenever he said that, in words or actions, it broke my heart. It was clear he thought he was nothing to anyone through the way he behaved. I remembered Charlie calling Carlisle and I telling us that he'd had to arrest Edward for possession of marijuana down at La Push. We had never been more disappointed and upset that Edward could risk everything like that. We'd asked him why he'd done it and all he gave us was 'I want to be normal'.

Unfortunately, all that did was spark an argument between him and his father. I hated remembering that day but I couldn't help it.

"_What on earth were you thinking, Edward?" Carlisle was fuming at Edward as he walked into the house. He stood at the bottom of the stairs so that Edward couldn't disappear up them. "Why on earth would you risk everything like that?"_

"_Because I just wanted . . ." Edward started, stopping to take a deep breath, closing his eyes. He was trying to rein in his emotions but neither of us wanted him to do that. We wanted him to let us know how he was feeling. If he didn't, then there was no way that we could help him through it._

"_Wanted what, Edward?"The way Carlisle was handling this situation wasn't helping anything. If anything he was going to get Edward more worked up than he already was. "What did you want?"_

"_To be normal!" He glared at Carlisle, something I'd never seen before. "I wanted to be normal, just for one night. Is that so much to ask?"_

_Carlisle let out a breath through his nose, running a hand through his hair, frustrated. "That's what you think being 'normal' is? That's what you think 'normal' kids do? Normal kids don't go down to La Push and get high, Edward."_

"_Actually, Dad, yes they do!" He shook his head, laughing slightly. "You have no idea. You have no idea how hard it is for me to watch everyone else do what they want. They have freedom to do what they want, go where they want. They don't have to worry about the possibility of dying sometime soon!"_

"_Edward!" He looked at me, his face an emotionless mask. "Don't say that."_

"_Why not?" He shrugged, looking between the two of us. "It's true. Who knows what's going to happen? I mean, I could relapse next week and not survive this time. I could cut myself on something tomorrow and bleed out before anyone could get any help. I have no control over this. Are you saying that you don't understand that? Are you saying that you don't understand why I wanted to be normal for one night?"_

"_Don't you get it, Edward?" Carlisle was getting even angrier at Edward's words. I could see what he was thinking. He was taking Edward's words to mean that he didn't really care about what happened to him. "You are not and never will you be normal!"_

I will never forget Edward's face when those words left Carlisle's mouth. It was as though someone had taken away his last shred of hope and burned it right in front of him. I guess having his own father say something like that to him was just the thing he needed to hurt him that one last time.

For weeks after that, Edward barely spoke to either of us. He was silent during meals, only muttering a good morning and good night each day. Other than that, he didn't stay in our company. Carlisle had tried to apologise for what he said but Edward didn't want to hear it. Carlisle's words had cut him deep and he was distancing himself from us. It broke my heart when I figured that out.

He was convinced he was going to die.

After a short time, Carlisle took Edward out for the day, not really giving him a choice in the matter. I don't know what happened but when they returned, things between them seemed a little better. They had worked on what had happened and were back to how they had always been at this moment in time. I knew Edward remembered Carlisle's words. I wasn't sure what they meant to him now but I knew they were forever imprinted in his mind.

"Hey, you two." Speak – or rather think – of the devil and he shall appear.

I turned to see Carlisle standing in the doorway, watching the two of us with a small smile on his face. "How long have you been there?" I asked, unable to keep the smile out of my voice. I felt Edward smile against the skin on my arm and I knew he was happy his dad was home.

"About a minute." He walked over to my vanity, sitting on the chair after discarding his jacket and placing it over the back of his chair. He was watching the two of us with an expression I could only label as complete devotion on his face. I knew there was nothing more important than Edward and that he would always come first no matter what. "I didn't want to disturb the two of you."

Is that what he thought? "Nonsense." I scoffed, causing Edward to smile again. I held out my hand to him as he sat there, wanting him here with us. "Come here." I watched closely as he stood up and slipped off his shoes – which he really should have taken off downstairs – and tie before climbing into the bed behind Edward.

He grasped my hand and rested our joined fingers on Edward's hip. I sighed gently, looking at the place our hands rested. That particular spot had been victim to countless needles and procedures and he would always carry the scars with him.

I soon felt his breathing even out once again and I looked down to see him sleeping peacefully, his head resting on my shoulder. I pressed a kiss to his forehead before resting my head back on my pillow.

"To this day, I still wonder how on earth we created him." Carlisle whispered and I nodded, looking down at Edward. To me he was perfect. And he was going to be taken from us no matter what we did to stop it. "Don't worry, darling." He squeezed my fingers gently, reassuringly. "He's strong. He'll fight."

I knew he would.

But how long could he keep up his strength before it ran out?

. . . . .


	12. Chapter 11

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognised characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. The plot and any characters added in are mine.**_

_**I have just discovered that 'When Your Time Comes' has been nominated for the Annual Glosp Awards. It's nominated for '**__**Story that makes you need a hug after reading it. (Best tragedy)' **__**Voting opens on the 14**__**th**__** October and is open until the 26**__**th**__** October. Please vote!**_

_**Link is at the bottom of the page as well as on my profile.**_

_**I know a lot of you are waiting for an update on 'Time Changes' and I can say there will be one soon. Geekward has been tormenting me the last couple of weeks, waving ideas in front of my face and then running away with them. Shelby! I need your help! Anyway, I hope to have one up soon.**_

_**I think you might need tissues for this chapter. I've just read it through and it made me want to bawl. Just warning you.**_

_**See you Saturday!**_

_**Enjoy!**_

_**Edward**_

I drove home in a daze, not quite clear what had just happened here.

I wasn't even aware that I'd pulled into the driveway and been sat outside my house for what must have been a while considering my mom had come out and started tapping on my window. She looked at me, confused, asking if I was okay. I told her that I was just a little tired and going to head up to bed. The look on her face told me that she didn't quite believe me but was going to let it go. For now.

Thank God.

I don't think I could have answered any questions she threw at me with anything more than a 'huh' or a 'wha-'

I flopped back on my bed, thinking back over the day. I couldn't help but smile as I pictured Tanya sitting there, looking so much like the old Tanya, the healthy Tanya. I could see that she was happy with how the girls had done her up. The wig Rosalie had managed to find was the exact shade of Tanya's real hair. How the hell had she managed that? Not sure I wanted to know. That stuff belonged in the girls world only and I didn't want to dare even attempt to understand it.

I got the feeling that there was something going on between Tanya and Bella. I knew she had worked out that it was Bella that was my new Bio partner and she was working on something. I could see the little cogs working in her evil little mind.

She scared me when she was like that.

Afterwards, when Bella's friends ditched her at the hospital, I wasn't really sure how to interpret that. Had they just gotten so lost in each other and genuinely forgotten about her, or had they planned the whole 'leave Bella with no way to get home other than Cullen' thing? Wouldn't surprise me knowing how meddlesome people in this town are.

As it turned out though, spending a little while with Bella was a good thing. I needed time to unwind. Time to distress without the pressures of someone knowing what was wrong with me. Sure, I loved my parents and wanted to spend as much time with them as I could, but part of me always wondered, were they seeing me or my illness most of the time? It was as though so much of who I was centered around my platelet levels and possible treatments that I was losing myself in the midst of procedures and needles.

With Bella there was none of that. I was just a teenager trying to deal with losing his best friend.

She knew exactly what I needed and although I knew my mom's head was going to fly off when she found out I'd had fast food, I had to admit, she was right.

I wasn't going to go as far as drinking soda though.

Sure, I'll have a burger and fries laden with fat and grease but I'll steer clear of the carbonated beverage.

I don't make sense to myself sometimes.

Challenging Bella to not drinking any type of soda for a month was interesting. I never would have suspected she'd agree to it. But hell, if there was one thing I'd learned about her, it was she was stubborn. She wouldn't let something slip away from her if she could help it. I just dreaded which one she was going to make me drink when she won. Because she would.

I didn't doubt that she would.

When she had brought up the fact that I wouldn't know if she had cheated on the bet, I had to bring up that _she_ would. I could see her contemplating that and when she came out with the small whisper of hating lies, I felt like a dick. It wasn't like I was lying to her per se, just withholding the truth. She hadn't asked me if there was anything wrong with me, had she?

But then I realised, I had told her I suffered from anaemia. That was a lie.

She wouldn't judge me too much if she ever found out I was lying, would she? I hoped not.

And then she had to go and confirm that I had been set up with the whole pot fiasco. I had guessed that was the case, but hadn't been able to prove it. And the Chief hated me, so there was no way he'd listen to me over them. Especially when he was buddies with so many of the Quileute's. Yeah, lost cause that one.

When I had taken her back to her house, she had surprised the fuck out of me.

It seemed that she had been able to see straight through the façade I put up. Yeah, it was there to keep people out and for the most part it worked. But somehow, Bella Swan possessed the power to see through even the thickest of walls I had built around myself. How the hell could she do that when people I had grown up with, gone to school with for years, hadn't been able to see anything other than what I showed them? There was more to Bella Swan than I thought there was.

And maybe she saw more in me too.

She said that she thought I was loyal, caring, compassionate and respectful. I wondered where she had gotten all of that from because from what I could gather, I hadn't shown myself to be anything like that, other than when I was around Tanya.

And then she told me that I was allowed to take once in a while.

In my own head it felt like that's all I ever did. Take from people. I had taken my mother's ability to have any more children when I was born – there had been complications leaving her completely unable to conceive any more – I had taken up Chief Swan's time by lashing out at the town I hated more than anything. I had taken my mother away from my father, meaning he felt he had to take on more shifts at the hospital to make up for it. I had taken my mother's freedom from her. I knew that she had loved her job from the way she talked about it and I hated that she had given it up for me. I hadn't raised that with her because she would only shush me and tell me not to be so stupid. She would tell me that she had to be home to take care of me and from there the guilt would creep in even more.

No, I had taken enough.

And then Bella had kissed me.

To say I was stunned was a huge ass understatement. It hadn't been passionate or even lingering, but the look she had given me as she got out of my car told me she had succeeded in telling me something.

Could it be that she liked me and I was just being dense?

Did I like Bella?

Was Tanya right?

I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer to the second one, considering she'd no doubt rub it in my face whenever she had the chance. I had a feeling, Tanya had something to do with the sudden boldness on Bella's front but I wasn't sure I wanted to know what had transpired between the girls. Even _I_ knew that whatever girls talked about was not something that was divulged to us males.

One thing I did know was that I wanted to feel Bella's lips on mine again.

That was a feeling I would never tire of, no matter how fleeting it was.

. . . . . . . . .

The next day, I was woken up by a pounding on the door. I ambled my way downstairs, still fucking sleeping pretty much, finding a note from my parents saying that they had gone into Port Angeles for the day and a whole list of numbers to call should anything happen.

Like I didn't already have the most important one memorised.

Nine one-fucking-one.

The pounding on the door resumed and I shook my head, remembering that there was someone at the door. I shoved the note in the pocket of my sleep pants and made my way to the door. Opening it, I was slightly stunned to see the five slightly hyperactive people I'd been with yesterday standing there grinning at me.

"Huh?"I raised an eyebrow at them and Emmett laughed loudly.

"You gonna invite us in, Eddie-boy?" I scowled at him, making him laugh even louder. I shook my head, clearing it a little as I stepped back and let them in.

"Sorry if I'm seeming rude here but what the fuck are you doing here?" They didn't seem offended by my question as they looked around the entrance hall to my house, slipping off their shoes as they went. I guess my mom's 'no shoes in the house!' rule was obvious even to newcomers.

"We figured that with all the stress and angst of yesterday and all the shit you must be going through at the moment, we wanted to give you a completely stress free day." Alice grinned at me and fuck me, if I didn't feel slightly touched by their gesture. "So we figured a day of movies, snacks and general laziness." I laughed and she grinned at me again.

I turned to see Bella standing there watching me uncertainly. I gave her a small smile which she returned as I made my way up the stairs. I wondered what was going to through her head at the moment. Judging by the slightly panicked look on her face, it wasn't anything good.

I walked down the stairs a few minutes later, wearing a pair of washed out jeans and my favourite Jack Daniels t-shirt.

"Edward?" Rose asked as she stole a bag of chips back from Emmett. He pouted at her and all she had to do was raise an eyebrow and he backed off. It was clear who wore the pants in _that_ relationship. "Have you got any bowls we can use? Emmett thinks that it's sanitary for everyone to eat out of the bags."

"Sure." I nodded and she shook the bag at me. "How many?"

"Um . . . four probably."

"I'll have a look." I turned and made my way into the kitchen, stopping when I saw Bella standing there, grabbing herself a glass of water. She jumped as she turned around, seeing me standing there. "Hi."

"Hi." She shifted her weight from foot to foot as she glanced around nervously. "I um . . ."

"Are you okay?" I asked, walking towards her slowly.

"Um, yeah." Her voice was quiet and I saw nothing of the confident Bella I had spent time with last night. "Look, um . . . I don't want to make things awkward between us so um . . . if you want to forget about last night, then I will t-"

"I don't want to forget." I whispered, standing right in front of her. She looked slightly stunned as she watched me.

"What?"

I didn't answer with words. I leaned down and pressed my lips to hers. They were as soft as they had been last night. She tensed slightly before her entire body relaxed. I brought my hand up to cup her chin lightly and she sighed gently. I started to move my lips slowly, practically ecstatic as she responded in the same way.

I pulled away gently, pressing a couple more chaste kisses to her lips as she stood there, panting, her eyes closed. "You told me that I should take what I wanted." She opened up her eyes, a small smile forming on her lips. "So I did."

"What's taking so long with the-" We both turned to see Alice standing there in the doorway, grinning at the two of us. She had something sparkling in her eyes. I knew that look. I had seen that same glint in Tanya's eyes more than once and it never meant anything good. "Never mind." She quickly turned and disappeared back into the living room. _Interfering imp._

"Meddling pixie." Bella muttered and I laughed softly. "What?"

"I was thinking something along the same lines. Apart from I called her an imp." She laughed before biting her lip again. "What?"

"What does this mean?" She asked, sounding slightly worried. I closed my eyes, not knowing what to say.

"I don't know." I whispered and she looked up at me, her chocolate eyes brimming with concern, worry and something else I couldn't really decipher. "I've never really . . . done this before." I admitted and she raised an eyebrow. "Ever."

"Really?" I shook my head and she chuckled gently. "Somehow I don't believe that?" It was my turn to raise an eyebrow at her. "I mean, look at you. There's no way that you haven't-" I cut her off by pressing my lips to hers once again. She sighed, her body relaxing as her hands came to rest on my biceps. I pulled away from her and she looked up at me, looking slightly dazed. "I don't remember what I was saying."

"Good." I smirked at her and she scowled at me playfully. I moved away from her, grabbing some bowls out of the cupboard, handing them to her. "You know Alice is in there regaling them of how she caught us in an almost compromising position. Though it's probably been exaggerated a little." She nodded, giggling gently. I handed her the bowls and she looked at me, confused. "I'm gonna get myself a drink. I'll be in in a minute." I pressed a kiss to her forehead and she smirked at me, making her way through to the living room.

I sighed, turning to the fridge. I opened it to find that there was still some apple and pear left. It was my favourite and unfortunately, my dad loved it as well. Mom always scolded him for finishing the carton.

"Edward?" I turned to find Emmett standing there watching me. How long had he been there? "Can I talk to you for a sec?"

"Sure," I put the carton down on the counter, turning to get a glass. "What's up?"

He took a breath, leaning his hands against the island in the centre of the kitchen. He looked torn over something, like he wasn't one hundred per cent sure about what to say. I knew he had been wondering _something_ since we were in the hospital yesterday but he hadn't said anything. Well, it seems like he wanted to say it now.

"Right, I don't really know how to beat around the bush with this, so I'm going to say it." He sighed, looking up at me before shaking his head.

"Well, you seem to be doing a pretty good job of beating around the bush, Emmett." I chuckled once, not carrying on once I saw the look on his face. Something told me there was something serious he wanted to talk about.

Was he about to give me the 'big brother' talk about Bella?

He couldn't be, could he?

"Yeah, I know." He sighed, shaking his head again. What the hell was going on inside that head of his? Was I sure I wanted to know? Maybe not. "You think you can be honest with me?"

"What are you talking about, Emmett?"

"It's a yes or no answer, Edward. Seriously?"

"Yeah." _Within reason_, I added silently, realising he might not have wanted to hear the bit that went through my mind.

"Are you sick?" _Shit!_

"Do I look sick?" Perfect, using the whole 'answer the question with another question' tactic.

"I don't mean run of the mill cold or whatever." He looked at me, his eyes analysing something there. Something I didn't want anyone to find. "I mean, Tanya sick." I didn't have to say anything because the sudden change in his eyes as he watched me told me that he'd figured it out. He had heard my near silent intake of breath, seen my body stiffening slightly at his word. "You are."

I closed my eyes slowly, letting out a breath. "Don't tell anyone."

"I won't." I believed him. "How come _you_ haven't told anyone?"

"There's a lot behind it." I said softly and he nodded, looking down at his hands. "How did you work it out?"

"It was when we were up on the ward yesterday." He stood up straight, looking at me. "I suddenly remembered something from when my mom was in there. I remembered you. In one of the beds. But you didn't have any hair, well . . . you had a little, but most of it had fallen out."

"It five years ago, right?" He nodded and I thought back. "End of June?" He nodded again. "I was relapsing. Chemo's a bitch." I let out a chuckle and he looked at me, confused. "You're right. I am sick." My voice was nothing more than a whisper. "I have APL. Acute Promyelocytic Leukaemia."

"Shit."

"That's one way to put it." I laughed and he looked at me like I was insane. "Please don't tell anyone."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

"This is insane." I whispered and he raised an eyebrow at me. "I've managed to keep it from everyone for the last thirteen years and yet somehow everyone is finding out now. What the hell has changed?"

"Who else knows?"

"The Chief." I sighed and he let out a whistle. "I know, right?"

"Come on, you two." We were jolted out of our little bubble by Rose standing there, looking ten different types of impatient. "We wanna start the movie."

I grabbed my glass of juice and followed the two of them back out into the living room, wondering if there was something about me that was becoming easier to read?

Part of me didn't want to know.

. . . . . . . .

I opened my eyes to bright lights and a very familiar beeping noise.

I let out a breath, knowing I was back in the hospital. I wasn't sure which ward but neither of them was a good thing.

"Edward, honey?" My mom was at my side instantly, sitting on the edge of my bed. She held my hand in her own, being mindful of the IV in the back of my hand. "Oh, sweetheart, how are you feeling?"

"Confused." I whispered, my throat hoarse. I wondered if they'd put a breathing tube down my throat. They'd done that before when I'd been rushed into emergency. I wouldn't put it past them. "What happened?"

"You slipped on the way down the stairs." She said softly. "We're not sure what on. Maybe you just lost your footing or something like that but the next thing we knew, you were unconscious at the bottom of the stairs, a gash on your forehead." Now she mentioned it, my head did hurt a little. Well, more than a little if I'm honest. "We didn't even bother with an ambulance, knowing it could take too long. Your father just bandaged up your head and I drove us here."

I remembered now. I had been on my way out to meet Bella when I had slipped on the stairs. I didn't remember anything else, but now that kind of made sense. Shit. Bella was going to think I'd stood her up.

The last month or so had been trying but also good. Tanya was still hanging in there, against all odds. The doctors had expected her to . . . you get the idea . . . a couple of weeks ago, yet she was still going. Obviously, the fact that she was mentally ready to go hadn't passed to her body yet.

She was a strong one, my best friend.

Bella had completely immersed herself in my life. She was a welcome fixture. My mother absolutely adored her and my dad thought that she was great. I could see they were both wondering why I was withholding my sickness from her. I wanted to tell her. I honestly did but there was something in the back of my mind stopping me from actually admitting the words.

I knew I had to do it soon.

Emmett had been true to his word and not told anyone about my sickness. He looked at me with a look of sympathy sometimes but caught himself before anyone could see it. Of course, it didn't escape my notice and he shrugged a little when I caught him. I knew he couldn't help it, but it still bugged the hell out of me.

I wasn't really sure of my relationship with Bella. We weren't boyfriend and girlfriend, but I had the distinct feeling there was more than just friendship on her end as well as mine. I knew I felt more than friendship for Bella Swan.

The only question was, did she feel the same way?

I hoped so.

"Hey," I turned to the doorway to see my dad standing there with a small smile on his face. "How're you feeling?"

"Sore." I answered truthfully, trying to sit up, finding that my wrist hurt. I looked down to see a bright white cast on my right wrist. "You said I hit my head." I remarked, turning to face my mom.

"You did." She shrugged, gently running her fingers through my hair. "But you broke your wrist as well. I didn't get that far."

"You in any pain?" My dad asked, sitting in the chair next to my bed. "Be truthful now. One to ten."

I thought about it for a moment, my head actually starting to really hurt now that I'd realised the damage was there. My wrist was sore as well and I felt a little battered.

Tip, don't pick a fight with your stairs.

"Six?"

"Okay." He nodded, copying my mom's earlier actions and running his fingers through my hair. "I'll get someone to sort that for you." I nodded, knowing that there was pain relief imminent.

"Hey, guys." We all turned to see Dr. Aro standing there, a clipboard in his hand. "How're you feeling, Edward?"

"Bad enough to know not to pick fights with the layout of my house." I answered and he gave me a small smile.

"When can we take him home?" My mom asked and I nodded, wincing slightly when it hurt my already aching head. I had to remember not to do that for a little while. "We all know how he hates it here."

"I know." Dr. Aro was watching me as a nurse came in and inserted something into my IV. I hoped it was morphine. I needed it right now. "But there's something else as well."

_That doesn't sound good._

"What?" I didn't take my eyes off Dr. Aro as he sat on the end of my bed, near my feet.

"We've had a look at the results of the various tests that were performed when Edward was admitted and um . . . I'm afraid there are leukemic cells showing at twenty-five per cent." I felt the air force its way out of me as though I'd been punched in the gut. What was he talking about? "I'm afraid Edward's leukaemia is back. He's no longer remising."

I let my head drop back onto the pillow, the pain it caused echoing around my head. I didn't care about that anymore. The pain in my head, in my wrist was nothing compared to the pain building in my head.

'_He's no longer remising . . .'_

'_Leukaemia is back . . .'_

'_No longer remising . . .'_

I drowned out of what they were saying, my mind taking me back to where I didn't want to be. Constant aches and pains, nausea, the depression, lethargy and the constant feeling of being worn down to the point of wanting nothing more than to collapse where you stood.

I knew my mother was crying purely because of the muffled sounds that were penetrating the barrier that seemed to have formed around my mind and senses. I didn't know what they were saying, only indistinguishable sounds making it through. It was as though I was wrapped in cotton wool and nothing was making it through. I wasn't sure I wanted it to. There was only one thing running through my mind and it had nothing to do with wailing mothers and angry fathers. Well, maybe it did, but that's not the point.

Could I handle this again?

Could I survive this time?

. . . . . . . .

_**The Annual Glosp Awards: **_glospawards (dot) blogspot (dot) com

_**Go vote, please!**_


	13. Chapter 12

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognised characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. The plot and any characters added in are mine.**_

_**I know that I've missed a couple of updates but I had a virus problem with my laptop and had to send it away to get it sorted. But I'm back now and will definitely be updating on Wednesday.**_

_**Don't forget about the Glosp awards. 'When Your Time Comes' has been nominated for 'Story that makes you need a hug after reading it' (Best Tragedy). Voting closes on the 26**__**th**__** October so please go and show your support for this Edward and Bella and vote. The link to the site is on my profile.**_

_**Love you all.**_

_**Bella**_

I sighed, looking at the clock I had placed on the wall in the kitchen when I moved in a month and a half ago. Charlie might have been able to get by without really having an idea of what the time was but that was not something I could achieve.

Half an hour late.

Edward and I had been planning on going to the diner again tonight. I wasn't one hundred per cent sure what was going on between us. We were more than friends, I knew that. Unless being friends had changed recently and the making out that happened between Edward and I was normal for something between friends. But somehow I didn't really think it was.

Because I don't think Alice and Rose would appreciate me doing that with their boyfriends.

Not that I'd want to because no matter how much I've come to love Jazz and Em, there was only one person I wanted to kiss in any way shape or form.

And that happened to be the bronze haired, green eyed Adonis I was waiting for right now.

Another glance at the clock.

Forty five minutes late.

"You okay, Bells?" I looked up to see Charlie standing there in the doorway to the kitchen. I sighed, shaking my head. "Aren't you supposed to be going out tonight?"

"Um, yeah . . ." I looked down at my hands, letting a breath out of my nose.

"Who're you going out with?" He leaned against the doorframe, crossing his arms. He was in Chief mode, just as he always was when I was going out with someone.

"Um . . . Edward." I sighed, avoiding eye contact. I knew he didn't like that I spent so much time with Edward. I still had yet to convince him that Edward was a good guy. He just didn't want to believe me. But there was something else in his eyes when I mentioned Edward. It was a kind of sadness that was there for only a fleeting moment before Charlie's police training kicked in and his expression was calm and clear again.

That was the same thing I saw in Charlie's expression now. That ever so fleeting flicker of sadness before his expression cleared. I'd been meaning to ask him about that, but it wasn't something I could just casually bring up in conversation.

'_So Dad, mind telling me why you always look sad when I mention Edward's name?'_

_Yeah, not really going to work._

"Edward?" I nodded and he sighed, walking into the room. "I know that I'm not going to be able to convince you of anything different to what you already think-"

"So don't even try, Charlie." I sighed, looking up at him as he sat down in front of me. "He's late anyway."

I pulled my cell out, trying to call him again, to find out where he was but got nothing but his voicemail. I wondered what had happened between when he dropped me off at home after school and now. Had he changed his mind about wanting to go out with me again? Maybe he didn't want to be seen with me in public. But then again, we had been to the diner plenty of times in the last month or so and it never seemed to bother him before.

What was going on?

I was confused and I didn't like it.

I shook my head, closing my phone and went upstairs. It was clear that tonight wasn't going to happen. I wasn't sure why I was so upset over it. I mean, it wasn't like it was a date or anything like that. It was just two friends going out for something to eat. Just the two of them, to have some food and talk.

That wasn't a date, right?

I shook my head, clearing it.

Well, trying to . . .

And failing.

I changed into my sweats and a loose t-shirt before sitting back with my homework. Great for a Friday night, right? I'm probably the only one sat at home doing any kind of school work.

I froze as I was picking up my pen, getting ready to finish writing up a report for English. I knew why Edward wasn't here. Why his phone was off. Why he hadn't called to tell me that he wouldn't be able to come tonight.

Tanya.

Even though the doctors had given her a month left to live, she was still going. She wasn't letting go. For whatever reason, her body wasn't giving up and I was glad. I had been to see her a couple of times with Edward and she had regaled me with a good few stories Edward obviously didn't want me to hear. Nevertheless, I heard them and he ended up turning beet red at every single one.

I never thought I'd ever see Edward Cullen blush.

He makes the involuntary action seem to sexy.

I didn't even know how that was possible.

But I digress.

Something had to have happened with Tanya for him to not contact me in any way. I was sure of it. I felt saddened at the thought of losing Tanya and I felt my eyes welling with tears as I thought about it. Losing anyone was bad but I couldn't help but think of Edward. He was going to be devastated.

It would destroy him.

I had to make sure that he knew I was there for him should he need it.

I pulled out my phone, knowing that his was off yet sending him a text anyway. I wanted him to know that he could talk to me. I wanted him to know that I was there.

Even though we spoke about a lot of things and had covered a lot of our childhoods when we'd been out together, I couldn't help but feel that there was something he was keeping from me. Something pretty big. Every so often he would go quiet and sit there, as if contemplating letting me know something before shaking his head and letting the errant thought go.

I wanted to know what it was.

I lay back on my bed, all thoughts of doing homework forgotten as I thought about Edward and Tanya. I wondered how he would cope after she was gone. I imagined he'd be off school for a few days at least, he'd be a mess, no doubt.

Hopefully, he'd get my message and trust me with how he was feeling.

One could hope, right?

. . . . . . .

The sun was shining directly onto my face as I opened my eyes. That was odd in itself. Sun in Forks. Not a regular occurrence, mind you. I wondered if it was the sun that had woke me up or something else all together.

Then there was a knocking on the door.

I glanced at my alarm clock, my eyes widening as I saw that it was past midday. Jesus, fuck! How long had I been asleep for? I climbed out of bed as the knocking started again and I grumbled that I was coming. Not that they could hear me but whatever.

Charlie had taped a note to my door, saying that he didn't want to wake me up before he left and that he was going fishing with Harry Clearwater and Billy Black and wouldn't be back until tomorrow night. Suited me just fine.

I made my way downstairs as quickly as I could without slipping – which was a major risk factor – before realising I was still in my t-shirt and sweats. I shrugged as I opened the door, coming face to face with Edward. He looked terrible, which, in my mind, was a major feat.

"Hi," He said softly and I gave him a small smile.

"Hi," I whispered, running my fingers down his arm gently.

"Bella, I'm . . . I'm so sorry about last night." _Oh yeah._ He didn't seem to be distraught or upset in any way, so my theory about Tanya couldn't have been right. Where the hell had he been then? "I do have a valid excuse, though."

"Do you wanna come in?" I asked, stepping back and he smiled at me walking past me. I wondered what his excuse was. Was he bored of this thing that we had going on? Or maybe there was someone else that had caught his interest and he hadn't been able to think of a way to let me down.

No. Neither of those sounded like Edward.

"So . . . what's this excuse, then?" I asked as I followed him into the kitchen. He gave me a sheepish smile before holding up his hand. My jaw dropped as I saw the cast on his right arm. "Oh, my God!" How did I not see that before? He also pointed towards a large stitched cut on his head and I made my way over to him. "What the hell happened?"

"I picked a fight with my stairs." He chuckled lightly sitting down at the table. "And lost."

"I see that." I sat down next to him, brushing his hair out of the way so I could see the cut. I didn't look that deep, but it was obviously worth some stitches.

"Do I get out of jail free?" He asked, a small smile on his lips. I smiled back, giving him a quick kiss running a hand through his hair gently. I nodded and he laughed. "Good. I am really sorry about last night."

"How did you do this?" Only Edward would pick a fight with his stairs. Well, actually, that's a lie, I had on occasion as well but that's beside the point.

"I was on my way to come and get you last night and I must missed my footing or slipped on something because my mom said that she and my dad heard me fall and found me at the bottom of the stairs. I don't remember anything happening. Only waking up in the hospital last night." That sucked big time. I'd fallen down the stairs plenty of times but never hard enough to knock myself out.

"You're okay now, though, right?" I asked and he seemed to hesitate for a moment before answering that for the most part, he was okay.

"You wanna go out and do something today?" He asked and I nodded, kissing his cheek quickly before I ran upstairs, his laughter following me the entire way up.

God, that was a beautiful sound.

I didn't want to waste time fussing about what to wear, like Alice or Rose would – or Tanya when she had been healthy (according to Edward anyway) – so I showered quickly, not bothering to wash my hair considering I'd only washed it the day before and dressed in a pair of jeans, my dark blue fitted, v-neck sweater and pulled on my boots. Even though we were in May now, it was still a little chilly sometimes when you were out, so I grabbed my jacket and made my way downstairs.

I couldn't help but grin at Edward as I walked back into the kitchen. He stood up and made his way over to me. He brought his hands up, cupping the sides of my face as he pressed his lips to mine softly. I am not ashamed to say that I melted. The gesture was so sweet and tender that I couldn't really do anything else and I doubted you would either. He made me feel like I was made of glass, but in a good way. Not in a way that made me feel like I couldn't do anything on my own, rather he felt that I was precious. Irreplaceable.

No one had ever made me feel that way before.

"That colour looks amazing on you." He whispered before pressing a kiss to my forehead and taking my hand in his good one. I still couldn't believe he'd hurt himself that way.

He had been on his way to pick me up, he'd said.

He hadn't changed his mind or forgotten.

I smiled at the thought.

"Have you eaten?" He asked, smirking as he already knew the answer. "Diner?" He raised an eyebrow as I nodded, grinning at him. He had become quite a fan of the diner, although I wasn't sure if his mom knew that.

"Did you drive over here?" Was he allowed to drive with a broken wrist?

He shook his head, huffing softly. "No. And I don't think I will be driving until this comes off. I've literally just come from the hospital. They wanted to keep me overnight, you know, risk of concussion and all that shit."

"Been there, done that." I rolled my eyes, knowing exactly what he'd had to endure the previous night and grabbed my keys off the side. It looked like we were taking Trevor today. Edward had always vehemently refused to get in my truck, not trusting the big red beast. He didn't understand that it wasn't the fact that he went fast or whatever that enthralled me. It was his character.

He didn't have a choice today, though.

Mwahahaha!

"Do you have the t-shirt?" He joked as I grinned and nodded at him, making my way over to Trevor. He looked dubiously at the truck and I laughed, opening the door to the drivers' side.

"Come on, Cullen!" I called and he started to follow me, heading to the passengers' side instead. "It's not gonna kill ya!"

"Are you sure about that?" He muttered so lowly I don't think I was supposed to hear it. I pretended that I hadn't before turning on the engine.

It was clear he was not a fan of Trevor, clearly preferring the smoother, less noisy motions of his little Volvo, or even his bike. Well, that wasn't less noisy, but you get what I mean.

When we arrived at the diner, he couldn't get out of the truck quick enough, claiming he was happy to be alive. I just told him to shut the hell up and that it was his own fault for breaking his wrist in the first place.

It wasn't but that's not the point. It was good to wind him up.

We made our way over to a booth and it wasn't very long before a waitress came and served us. We had been in here before and ordered the same thing we had each and every time. When she came back with our drinks, I was still laughing at Edward's reaction to his first time riding in the truck.

He didn't seem to find it that amusing.

"Seriously, how do you not feel like it's going to just die on you or blow up every time you get in it?" He questioned, taking a sip of his lemon water.

"Because I trust Trevor." I replied following suit and taking a sip of my own water.

True to my word I had been able to last the last month without any soda at all. I had been offered multiple times when Edward wasn't around, even given the old 'he won't know' or 'what he doesn't know won't hurt him' but I'd refused. He had been right when he'd said that I might be able to have some when he wasn't around and he wouldn't have to find out, but I'd know and I wouldn't have been able to lie to him about it. It was stupid really but part of me felt like that was some kind of test from Edward.

I wasn't sure what for, though.

"Hi, Bella." I turned to see Mike Newton grinning down at me as he stood next to the table. He was completely blanking Edward which wasn't something he seemed too bothered about. I knew for a fact that Edward hated Mike and Mike decided that it would be funny to try and razz Edward whenever he had the chance. Not that that ever got very far. "What are you doing here?"

_Could this guy _be_ any more brainless? No wonder he's practically failing everything. It'll be a wonder if he graduates this year._

"I was actually about to have some food and spend the afternoon with Edward." I smiled smugly at him as he glanced at Edward who was watching the exchange with a small smile on his face. He looked bored by Mike's presence and I wondered if that was just a mask or whether he really did bore him to death.

"Why don't you join us, Bells?" He gestured towards another booth behind me. "We've got a spare seat with your name on it."

"No, Mike." I looked away from him and back at Edward. "I'm happy right where I am, thank you very much."

"Are you sure?" He glanced at Edward again and I rolled my eyes at his ridiculous behaviour.

"Absolutely." I pretended to be interested in the menu in front of me. "Personally, I'm not really looking for two-faced, back-stabbing, shallow friends. I like to know people I can actually have an intelligent conversation with." I smiled up at him, trying not to laugh at his bewildered face. Apparently, he hadn't been spoken to like that before.

First time for everything, buddy.

I wasn't sure how long he stood there for before he went back to his own table. I didn't hear what he said to those sat with him but all I did hear was laughter coming from behind me. I saw Edward's eyes darken as he shook his head and looked at his phone for a second.

I reached over, placing a hand on his and he looked up at me, his eyes softening a little. "Hey," I whispered, squeezing his hand gently. "I meant what I said. I'd much rather spend time with you than with them. They've got nothing compared to you."

"Thank you," he whispered, moving his hand to link his fingers with mine. He sat there for a moment, looking at our hands with a contemplative look on his face. I could tell by the slight line on his forehead that there was something bothering him. There was something eating away at him and it had to have been something pretty big because he didn't speak or look up for a few minutes. I was about to ask what was wrong when our food arrived and I was cut off.

On second thoughts, it gave me a chance to get everything sorted in my head. I didn't want to come out with some half thought about question and offend him. Or something like that anyway.

"Well . . ." he looked at his burger, momentarily. "This is going to be interesting."

I couldn't help but laugh as I saw his predicament. He was wondering how the hell he was going to be able to eat his burger with the cast on.

"Thankfully for you, you're eating with someone who's broken her wrist too many times to count." He raised a questioning eyebrow and I stared blankly back at him. "Clumsiest child in Phoenix, remember?" He nodded, smirking as I advised him of the best way to pick up his burger.

He managed to do it, eventually, although it was some funny stuff, watching him.

"Stop laughing." He whined, placing his half eaten burger down, wiping his mouth with a napkin. "It's not funny."

"Yeah, it really is." I laughed, stopping when I snorted quietly. That, in turn, made him laugh and I couldn't help but join in. Yes, we had the giggles. Problem? "Oh," I held up a hand as we both calmed down enough to breathe properly. "Try not to get any sauce down there." I motioned towards his cast and he looked confused. "It's a bitch to try and clean out and more often than not, might start to smell." Seriously, I speak from experience with this shit.

"Gotcha." He nodded, chuckling some more before taking a sip of his drink. "So, Miss Swan, how many bones _have_ you broken?"

"Um . . . sixteen." I bit my lip as his eyes widened.

"Sixteen?" He sounded in shock and I couldn't blame him. That's nearly one for every year I've been alive. "Do I want to know how?"

"Not very exciting." I shrugged, munching some fries from my plate. "Slipped over and landed funny, causing a broken ankle. Fell off the monkey bars at school, twice. That earned me a broken leg the first time and caused me to break my left wrist the second. Um, fell down the stairs, that got me another broken leg and collarbone. Um, fell off my bike and broke my left wrist again and my left ankle. You get the idea."

"So it wasn't really safe to let you leave the house." He chuckled and I shook my head.

"What about you?"

"This is the first." He held up his hand and I shook my head, wondering what I must seem like to him. I had to come off like an uncoordinated oaf that couldn't walk in a straight line.

Well, he hadn't left yet.

"You finished?" He asked and I nodded, grabbing the last couple of fries off my plate. He stood up and I saw that he had also finished his meal. When had that happened? Probably when you were giving him a rundown of your broken bones.

He led me out of the diner and I followed, confused. "Aren't we going to pay?" I asked, a slight hysterical laugh in my throat. "I mean, it's not like we're in a big city and won't see the people that work there again."

I let out a small gasp as he pulled me towards him, my lips colliding with his. "Ssh," he whispered softly and I didn't have an answer at the ready, which was strange for me. "I paid while you were going through your medical history." He chuckled and I felt the heat rising in my cheeks.

"Where do you want to go now?" I asked, taking his hand in mine. He shrugged, shaking his head as he watched where we were walking. I wasn't sure whether that was a new thing or not, which I found strange because normally I paid a lot of attention to Edward and what he did.

We walked for a while, chatting about random things, learning things about one another. Looking at him laughing at one of my stories about Renee's less than helpful attempts at trying to get me a boyfriend when I was fifteen. I swear parents were supposed to object to you dating, weren't they? Not so much with Renee. Looking at Edward, I could see the amazing person he was. Why didn't he want to share that with other people? Why didn't he make friends with others around him?

"Because despite what you've found with Alice, Emmett, Jasper and Rose most people in this town are two-faced, shallow and nothing more than bored gossips that would rather stab you in the back than help you." Edward's voice was quiet and full of anger and I stopped, not realising I had spoken out loud.

"I . . ." I took a breath and shook my head. "Not everyone's like that. What about the gang? Are you saying you don't trust them? I mean, you seem to get on well enough with them when we're together. And Angela and Ben aren't like that. I know that not everyone is someone you want to hang around with but not everyone is out to get you."

"In some way, everyone is only looking out for their own back." He said softly, yet there was an undertone of resentment and disappointment in his voice. "It doesn't matter who you are. If you're different, then there's something wrong with you and if there's something wrong with you, then you're an outcast, not worthy of friends."

"Is that how you see yourself?" I asked, stopping, crossing my arms across my chest. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He didn't think that he deserved to have friends? Who the hell had drilled that into him?

"You've been here for a couple of months, Bella." He sighed, stopping and turning to face me. He was too far away from me and I didn't like it. "I've lived here my whole life and my whole life . . . I've had to hide."

"You shouldn't have to." I said softly. "You shouldn't have to hide who you are and if you do then it's not you with the problem. It's everyone else!"

"It's not!" He shot back. He was getting angry and I had to say that I was as well. How could he be so blind and not see what a wonderful person he was. There was no sense in it. "It's not everyone else. It _is_ me and everyone else sees it. You're the only one that doesn't."

"So there's something wrong with me, then?"

"Fuck, no." He ran his hands through his hair, taking deep breaths to try and calm himself down. "That's not what I meant, Bella and you know it. Everyone else sees what they want to see. They see a fucked up guy who doesn't give a shit and they don't give a fuck about anything else."

"But if you just . . . if you just showed people what you've showed me . . ." I wanted to at least try to get him to see what I did. What Alice, Rose, Em and Jazz saw in him. He had to know what people really thought of him. "Then they'd see the real you."

"I don't _want_ anyone to see the 'real me'." He shot back, his hands flying back up to his hair. I hated that he was hiding himself away but it was a way of protecting yourself from those around you. Sometimes, it was the only way.

"Why not?" I couldn't stand not being close to him, even if we were in a kind of semi-argument at the moment. I needed to be close to him even if he was mad at me.

"Because I just don't." He sounded so tired, so exhausted and I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around him and take him home. But I guess my curiosity was winning out. "Why can't you understand that?"

"Because I don't understand why someone would purposefully wall themselves off from everyone." I shot back, unable to stop my voice from rising a little. I wanted him to understand how I didn't understand. I wanted to understand, but I didn't. "Why would you do that? Why would you want to sit there and admit to yourself that you have no friends? That the only people you see outside of school are your parents and quite possibly my father?" I saw the hurt in his eyes as the words came out of my mouth but I couldn't take them back no matter how horrible I felt about them.

"Well, forgive those of us who aren't little social butterflies like you are, Bella." He spat and I had to admit those words stung. It wasn't the words themselves but the tone of voice. It was as though they were made out of pure jealousy. He turned away from me, walking a few steps in the opposite direction, his hands in his hair again. It was a wonder he had any left. "God! You just don't get it, do you?" I shook my head, because honestly, I didn't. "You don't get that there's so much shit going on that I just don't want to bring anyone else into it.

"It's not that I don't want friends. Of course I do. Of course I want people to be able to hang out with after school. People to talk to and . . . you know . . . to be someone people go to when they need advice. I want to be that for someone. I want to be able to go out places and _be_ with people, but I can't." Why not? What's stopping him from doing that? I didn't understand. "That's _why_ I'm a jerk to everyone, Bella. That's _why_ I'm an asshole. Because I can't afford to have people getting close to me. At all. Ever. You're the only one I've properly spoken to in years. And I . . . I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what the hell is going on here. I don't have friends because I can't afford to have friends. I don't go out with anyone because I _can't_. And you don't seem to realise that I can't."

"Why not?" I walked over to him. I didn't want him to feel like he was being trapped by my need to be near him was outweighing anything else. "If you want to there's nothing stopping you."

"Like I said," he sighed, his voice nothing more than a whisper. He looked so defeated, so tired and it looked as though purely staying upright was a chore. "You don't get it."

"No, I don't." I could barely hear my own words but I prayed that he could. "So tell me, Edward. Help me to get it."

"I can't."

"Yes, you can."

And I believed he could. I pressed my lips to his gently, letting him know without speaking that I was there for him, no matter what. He had support in whatever it was that he needed to let go of. There was something bothering him and I wanted to find out what it was. Unfortunately, I didn't have any clue on how to do that.

He broke the kiss before resting his head on my shoulder. I ran my fingers through his hair gently, revelling in the softness. I stopped, pausing for a moment as I felt the material on my shoulder moisten slightly.

Was he crying?

"Edward?" I whispered gently and his grip on my waist tightened slightly. He let out a shaky breath as I awkwardly hooked my fingers underneath his chin and lifted his head up. There were tears on his cheeks and the look in his eyes was heartbreaking. "Come on." I indicated the curb and we sat down. I hoped that no cars came along because if they did, we were screwed. "What's going on?"

I still had my arms around him and his forehead was still resting on my shoulder as he took a deep breath. I looked down at him to see that his eyes were closed and his lip was trembling. What was the matter? I didn't know how long I could sit and wait.

"I'm sick." He whispered and I blinked a couple of times as I registered what he had said. Sick? If he was sick then what the hell was he doing out here with me? He should be at home in bed not sitting on a curb in the middle of town. "I have . . . I have APL."

APL?

_Oh no._

_Leukaemia._

"You have . . . leukaemia?" I whispered and he nodded, more tears slipping down his cheeks. I felt my own eyes welling up as I clutched him to me. I pulled away from him, making him look at me. "But . . . you're okay, right? I mean, you're in remission and everything . . . right?" He looked away from me, taking a deep breath and I knew that he wasn't. He had relapsed. I couldn't believe this. How was I supposed to process this? He has leukaemia. "When did you find out?" He knew what I was asking.

"Last night." When he'd gone to the hospital. "When a cancer patient, especially leukaemia, is admitted for whatever reason, a blood test is always done." He took my hand in his, running his thumb over my knuckles. "I start chemo next week."

"I'm so sorry." I whispered, pressing my lips to his forehead gently. He sighed, closing his eyes.

"It's not you." He replied, his green eyes wide and filled with unshed tears.

"It doesn't change anything." I told him softly, making sure he heard the determination in my voice. "We'll just have to change where we meet for a little while. I hear hospital food is still rather unappetizing." He smiled softly before nodding. "It doesn't matter." I cupped his cheek in my hand, urging him to look at me. "I'm going to be there no matter what. You know how stubborn I am. You'll have to send me home tied up in a sack to stop me from being there."

"Lord of the Rings?" He raised an eyebrow, picking up on my little quote instantly.

"Of course." I grinned. "The hobbits rule." He laughed gently, shaking his head, most likely at my idiocy. "I'm not going to abandon you just because you're sick. I'm going to be there, helping you however I can, you understand me?"

He didn't answer other than to rest his head on my shoulder again, burying his face into my neck and wrapping his arms around my waist, pulling me to him. That movement coupled with the near silent whisper in my ear and I knew he'd gotten my meaning.

"Thank you."

. . . . . . . . . .


	14. Chapter 13

_********__Disclaimer: All publicly recognised characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. The plot and any characters added in are mine._

_********__Some of you are wondering why I don't just update every day and the reason is I don't have TIME to update every day. Most of the time I get in from work and collapse. I don't even get on the laptop most days, so you'll have to bear with me for a while longer. Things at work should be levelling out soon, so updates should become less sporadic._

_********__Another A/N at the end._

_**Edward**_

Telling Bella about my illness was one of the hardest things I'd ever had to do. I hadn't expected her to accept it in the way she had. After all, she knew about the pain of losing someone to cancer already. Not that I'd rate myself as high as her cousin but I hoped I ranked as someone she cared about.

Because I certainly cared about her.

I knew that I had to tell her about my relapse because Bella being Bella would have figured it out sooner or later. She knew the signs for cancer and therapy, so it wouldn't have been easy to hide.

It's a miracle that I'd managed to hide it from the people of Forks for this long as it was.

I made my way through the ward, towards Tanya's room. There was a girl in there already, talking to her. She was wearing a hospital gown so I guessed she was one of the patients I hadn't really seen around before.

I knocked on the doorframe and both of them turned to look at me. Tanya grinned – well as much as she could – nodding for me to come in. The other girl didn't look too happy with me being there as she sat on the chair, giving me the stink eye. What the hell had I done to her? Had I interrupted some deep and meaningful conversation?

Well, I have best friend bragging rights, so there.

"Hey, Eddie." I scowled at Tanya and she smiled at me again, knowing she'd get away with it. "What are you doing here?"

"I need to talk to you." I said softly and she immediately looked worried. "Oh, sorry. Jane, this is Edward. Edward this is Jane. She's new on the ward."

"Hi." I gave her a small smile to which she stared back icily.

"Hello." Her voice was high and she glared at me again, obviously wanting me to leave.

"Jane . . . um . . . could you . . .?" Tanya glanced at the door and Jane sighed, obviously put out at being kicked out. She got up, not even acknowledging my presence as she leaned over and gave Tanya a hug.

"I'll come and see you _later_." She said the 'later' part in a rather pointed way. As if she was trying to snub me by rubbing it in that I wasn't allowed on the ward for much longer.

She really _was_ new around here, wasn't she?

"What the hell was that about?" I asked, nodding towards the door. Tanya sighed, shaking her head. I got up and closed the door, not wanting anyone to overhear the conversation. I mean, it wasn't something that was going to be private for very long but that wasn't the point.

"What's going on, Eddie?" She looked tired and worn and part of me didn't want to tell her what was going on but I knew I had to. After all, I would be taking up residence on the ward again for a little while next week. She seemed to have guessed by the look in my eyes as she inhaled deeply. "It's come back, hasn't it?" I nodded, feeling her fingers wrapping around mine. "Oh, Eddie."

"It's okay." I said softly, squeezing her fingers gently. "It'll be alright."

"When did you find out?"

"A couple of days ago." I chuckled once, showing her my cast. She hadn't seemed to have noticed it when I walked in. Nor did she notice the stitches on my forehead. "I had a fight with my stairs." I told her, answering her silent question.

"How many times have I told you not to get into arguments with your house?" She rolled her eyes as though it was an everyday occurrence. I knew someone it _was_ an everyday occurrence for but it wasn't me.

"It wasn't my fault." I argued and she shook her head gently. "Anyway, they took some blood samples when I was admitted and that's how they found out."

"When?"

I knew what she was asking and it was the thing we all dreaded. When did I start chemo? "Next week."

"It sucks."

"Don't we know it?" She smiled again, her eyes closing slowly. "I'll let you get some sleep. I need to find my dad, anyway."

"Okay." She whispered softly, probably not even having heard me properly. "Love you, Eddie-bear."

"Love you, Tawny." I whispered back, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

I quietly made my way out of the room, closing the door behind me. I smiled at Maggie who was just finishing off her shift and making her last rounds. I motioned that Tanya was asleep and she gave me a thumbs up. I looked out across the ward to see the girl, Jane and another girl I knew as Renata talking. Renata had come in with lung cancer after growing up in a house where her mother, father _and_ two older brothers smoked nonstop. None of them had any problems and yet she was the one that fell victim to cancer.

I could see the discomfort in Renata's position as she sat across from Jane. She looked over to me, a worried look on her face and I wondered what was up. I took a few steps closer to hear that Jane was talking about me. Or rather, bitching about me.

"I mean, he's not even sick . . . why the hell is he always up here?" From the look on Renata's face this wasn't the first time she'd posed this question. She shook her head the tiniest amount, her shoulders moving ever so slightly. I knew she was telling me that she didn't know what the hell she was going on about. "I get that he's Tanya's friend but don't you think that he should you know . . . back off and let someone that knows what she's going through help her through it. I mean, yeah, he might have been by her side for a while or whatever, but he can't know."

"Is that so?" She turned to look at me, her face stunned for a moment before it smoothed out into the icy look I'd received earlier. "And why are you up here, Jane?"

"What's it to you?" She sniped and I wondered _why_ she was up here. Before I could make a complete ass out of myself and seem like an insensitive prick I bit my tongue, not allowing myself to stoop that low. She was trying to bait me and it wasn't going to work.

"I was just wondering what makes you so certain that you can be there for Tanya in a way that I can't." I sighed, shaking my head. "I mean, you don't know me you don't know anything about me. Obviously you're a patient here considering the rather fetching hospital gown and matching bracelet but what could you possibly know about me?" She stared at me dumbly and I wondered how much this girl had actually thought through before shooting her mouth off. "Well?"

"I . . . I, uh . . ." She shook her head, looking up at me. "Well, look at you. You're completely healthy. There's no reason for you to be up here."

"No reason, huh?" She hadn't listened to a word I'd just said, had she? "You should know, just by being up here that how you look has no bearing on anything. You say I look healthy, yeah? So . . . if I look healthy you wouldn't guess that I've been a frequent visitor to this ward since I was four? That I suffer from APL? That I've just relapsed? Would you have thought any of that looking at me? Clearly, because you thought I was just a visitor the answer is no. Don't assume. You're most probably wrong."

With that I turned around, not wanting to bother with the stupid girl anymore. If she thought that she could undermine me and question why I was on the ward, she had another thing coming.

I know that wasn't the right attitude to have when in oncology but still, no one was going to undermine my relationship with Tanya and my state of health when it came to this place.

. . . . . . . . .

I sighed, resting my head back on the pillow of the hospital bed that would be my home for the near future. I closed my eyes as my mom grasped my hand. She hated that we were here again and being honest, it wasn't really something I was too thrilled about either.

"It'll be okay, honey." She whispered, pressing a kiss to my temple, her fingers running through my hair. "It'll be alright."

"You really think so?" I asked, turning to look at her. Her expression was stern, yet her eyes were watering as she nodded. She believed that I was going to be okay. She held her every hope on it. Some part of me was glad that I wasn't going to be around when they told her that it wasn't enough this time. That I hadn't made it.

Purely because I didn't think I could see her in that much pain.

"Hey, Edward." I looked over to see Maggie making her way towards me. "How're you doing?"

"As well as can be expected." I sighed and she gave me a small smile, placing a bowl next to me on the bed. She checked the IV that held the drugs that would hopefully send me back into remission. They had told us that they wanted to try something different if this round of chemo was ineffective.

Arsenic.

Not something my mother was terribly impressed with.

I wasn't either but you know.

"Don't forget, that's there when you need it." Maggie indicated the bowl next to me and I nodded. Of course I would need it. Chemo always left me feeling sick and more often than not, what I had eaten would always come up. Not pleasant but true.

I knew the drugs were in my system when I started to feel nauseous. They took the IV out, leaving the needle in my hand for my next dosage and I sat up on the bed, leaning sideways against the pillow. I pulled the sleeves of the oversized sweater I always wore when I had to stay in the hospital over my hands, minding the needle in my left hand. I wrapped my arms around myself, closing my eyes, wanting this to be over already. I hated this place with a vengeance.

"How're you feeling, baby?" My mom sat down next to me, running her fingers through my hair.

"Shit." I mumbled and she sighed, pressing a kiss to my hair.

"Hey," I looked up to see Bella standing in the doorway to my room, looking a little nervous. "Your dad said I could come through. How're you doing?"

"I've been better." I sighed and she smiled, sitting down in the chair next to the bed.

"I'm just going to run and get something to eat." My mom said softly, kissing my temple. "Do either of you want anything?"

Bella shook her head, giving my mom a small smile. "Yes," she looked at me expectantly. "For you not to mention food."

"Sorry, honey." Clearly my mom trusted Bella because normally she never left my side when I was going through treatments. I wondered how Bella was even able to come back here today. I mean, she'd been here a couple of times when I'd come to see Tanya, but that was it.

"You're wondering how I got in here, aren't you?" I nodded and she chuckled gently. "Your dad. He basically told the nurses that they were to let me in whenever I came up here. He told them to let the other shifts know that as well. I guess your dad likes me."

"Are you kidding?" I breathed, shaking my head. "Both of my parents love you." She looked at me sceptically and I nodded. "They do. I think they kind of see you as the daughter they never had."

"What's with the bowl?" She asked, confused and changing the subject quite neatly if you ask me.

"Stick around long enough and you'll find out." She raised an eyebrow at me and I shook my head. "You really don't want to know."

"I think I might have an idea."

"Well, that just takes the surprise out of it, doesn't it?" She chuckled, grinning at me as she shook her head. She sat back in the chair and crossed her legs, watching me with a sad expression on her face. "Good to know I've not lost my sense of humour, huh?"

"That it is." She sighed, running her fingers through her hair. "How long do they reckon you're going to be in here for?"

"I have no idea." I shook my head, hating the uncertainty. "As long as it takes, I guess."

"Are you always inpatient?"

I shook my head slowly. "Generally for the first couple of days, yeah, I am but after that I can go home. I just have to come in for regular appointments and to continue dialysis." She nodded slowly, looking down at the floor. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing." She still didn't look at me and I knew there was something more going on. Her eyes flicked up to mine and she sighed, seeing me watching her. "I just . . . I hate this disease so much. I mean . . . how many lives can it destroy?" Her voice was nothing more than a whisper yet it was filled with pain, agony and anger. I hated that I was putting her through this again. First her cousin and now . . .

"Too many." I whispered back and she nodded, giving me a small smile. It didn't reach her eyes and I knew she was thinking about her cousin. She fingered the locket before looking at me again.

"You're gonna be alright." She, like my mother, sounded so certain about that and I wasn't so sure. I didn't answer and she sighed, moving to sit next to me on the bed. How was it something as simple as that was able to make me feel like I really _was_ going to be okay? There was something about her that made me stop and think.

"Hey, kids." We both turned to see my dad standing in the doorway. "How're you feeling, son?"

"Oh, you know. The same as-" I stopped, feeling my stomach lurch turning away from Bella as my lunch decided it was going to make an appearance. She didn't move away or anything as my stomach emptied itself into the bowl. "Sorry." I mumbled as my dad took the bowl and Bella handed me some tissues. I wiped my mouth and she felt around for something in her bag.

"What are you sorry for?" She asked as she inspected the inside of her bag. She made a triumphant noise as she pulled something small out of her bag. I saw that it was a packet of gum and she handed me one. "It's not your fault. It's not something you can control. Don't worry about it."

"Thank you." I said softly, unwrapping the gum. I knew she understood that I was saying thank you for more than just the gum she'd given me. She didn't have to be here, yet she was, putting up with all the unpleasantness that went with chemotherapy.

"Don't worry about it." She smiled at me, brushing her fingers through my hair gently. "There's nothing you can do about it." She looked at my hair longingly and I wondered what that was about. "Going to have to say goodbye to this, aren't we?" I nodded and she mocked sniffed. She placed her hands on either side of my face and tipped my head slightly, burying her nose in my hair. "I'm going to miss you." I couldn't help but laugh as my dad chuckled. She grinned as she pressed a kiss to my cheek. "At least I got you to smile."

"You do a lot more than make me smile." I whispered and the smile that lit up her face could rival Times Square on New Year's Eve. I hoped she felt the same way about me that I did about her. She was becoming a permanent fixture in my life and I didn't think I would have it any other way now.

"Charlie knows you're sick, doesn't he?" She whispered as my dad made his way out of the room. I nodded and she sighed. "I knew there was a reason for it." I didn't think I was supposed to hear it but I did. And me being me had to question it.

"Reason for what?" She looked surprised at my question and she sighed.

"First of all, sit back on those pillows." She told me and I had a flashback of my mother telling me the same thing the last time I was in here. "You look like you're about to keel over any moment."

"Gee, thanks." I rolled my eyes but did as she asked. I didn't want her to worry too much about me. I settled back onto the pillows and she pulled the blanket up over me. "Looks like my mom can retire as my carer now."

"Don't be silly." She laughed, sitting back on the edge of the bed. "Now you just have two of us to look after you." I couldn't help but smile at the thought. I wasn't so sure I wanted Bella to look after me, as it were, but knowing that she cared enough about me to consider it was enough.

"And you stop avoiding the question." I wasn't stupid. I knew what she was doing. She had done it a couple of times before when there was a question she didn't want to answer. I had quickly figured out that the best way to get something out of her was to tickle her but obviously, that option was out of the question at the moment. I would just have to settle for good old hassling at this point. "There's a reason for what?"

"Well, um . . . the last couple of weeks, well, probably the last month or so, Charlie's always had this sad look on his face when you're mentioned." She sighed and I wondered when she would ever mention me. "Like, when you didn't pick me up the other night or whenever. It's only there for a second and then it's gone but I've been wondering what it was about. I guess I know now, right?" I nodded and she sighed. "When did he find out?"

"A while ago." I looked down at the blanket on my bed, playing with the threads that had come loose. "He came to my house the day that school was out, you remember?" She nodded and I sighed, looking away from her again. "He wanted to know why . . . why I lied about being a volunteer here."

"Yeah, I kinda guessed that you weren't when you told me . . ." I nodded slowly, hating the fact that I'd lied to her in the first place. The logical side of my brain told me that I'd done what I had to at the time but the side of my brain that was slowly being taken over by everything Bella Swan was constantly telling me I was an idiot. "Stop it." I shook my head and raised an eyebrow at her. "I know what you're doing. You're berating yourself for lying to me. Don't be angry at yourself for it. I understand. You didn't know me. There was no reason for you to trust me at that point." She gently took my hand in hers, her fingers wrapping around mine and squeezing, all the time being mindful of the needle in the back of my hand. "I hope you trust me now."

"More than you can imagine." I whispered and she smiled at me, tears pooling in her eyes. "Anyway, Charlie came to rip me a new one, as you can imagine." She chuckled dryly muttering something about Charlie being an 'overprotective idiot' and shaking her head. "I'm not entirely sure how it came about but it just came out. I think your dad learned a lot more than he wanted to that day."

"I can imagine." She whispered softly. "Charlie's the type of guy that takes things at face value. Everything is black and white to him. I think that comes from his being Chief." I nodded, looking up at her. She had a troubled expression on her face and it kind of worried me.

"What?"

"I, um . . ." She took a breath, closing her eyes. "There's something that I'm kind of having trouble understanding."

"What?" I asked again, wondering what she was on about.

"Charlie . . . he, um . . . he arrested you for possession, right?" I nodded, realising where this was going. "Were you actually high? Because I don't understand how you would . . . not . . . even drink soda – which I still need to collect on by the way," I laughed because of all things she would remember that silly bet, "or eat at the diner and yet . . . you'd get high? I don't understand that."

I took a deep breath, shaking my head. "No, I wasn't high." She let out a breath and a look of relief passed across her face. "You're right. I wouldn't do that and I _haven't_ done that. But I guess your dad has friends down in La Push and their kids get a free ride. I was the dumbass that got done for something I didn't even do."

"That's wrong." She whispered and I silently agreed.

"Like you said, your dad sees things in black and white. To him, he law is the law and that's the way it is. I was the one that got caught with it and yet I hadn't even touched it. I don't even know _how_ I had it. It was the others that were smoking it."

"They can be sneaky fuckers when they want to be." There was anger in her voice and I had to admit it scared me a little. For such a small person, she could throw her weight around a bit. And me being in a weakened state at the moment wasn't really giving me much confidence. The pain in my hand was enough to show that.

"Bella?" I called softly, trying to extricate my hand from hers but I don't think she heard me. "Ow."

She seemed to snap back into reality as she looked down at our hands. Her grip loosened immediately as she bit her lip. "I'm so sorry, Edward."

"It's alright." I flexed my hand a little, making sure the blood flow was alright before giving her a small smile. "But you've got one hell of a grip." She shrugged sheepishly, a blush decorating her pale cheeks. "It's alright. No harm done."

"You say that now." She rested her hand on my leg, sighing gently. She knew how easily I could bruise and she had been wary ever since she'd found the fingerprint bruises around my wrist at my house. I hated how tentative she was around me. "So . . . when he pulled you over . . ."

"I wasn't under the influence of anything other than codeine." I told her and she laughed gently. "I don't know where he got 'under the influence' from but . . . it's just one of those things, right?"

"It all goes on your record." She whispered and I laughed.

"Yeah, a juvie record that gets wiped clean when I turn eighteen in less than two months." She stopped, thinking before nodding. "It's alright. I know the truth, so do my parents and now you do as well. I don't care what anyone else thinks."

She was silent for a moment, seeming to think things over. "You care about what I think?" Her words were quiet, tentative as she looked up at me, her chocolate eyes shining with anticipation.

"Of course I do." I whispered as she gave me a bright smile. "You're the first person other than my parents and Tanya to actually see me as a real person. People at school see me as an asshole jerk not worth bothering about and even in here, to the staff all I am is another patient. There are so many of us in here it's hardly surprising."

"Well, to me, you're not an asshole jerk and you're not just anyone else, either." She reached up, brushing a few strands of hair out of my eyes and I gave her a smile. "You're someone extremely strong and amazing. I don't know how you've managed to come through this, Edward. I don't think I could have."

I let out a breath, looking at her again. She didn't meet my eyes and I wondered what was going through her mind. "I think . . . it takes more strength to be the healthy one."

"You do?"

"Yeah," I nodded, thinking about my mom and how she'd had to deal with so much shit because of my illness. "I mean, being the sick one, it's plain and simple. You're sick. That's all there is to it. Yeah, you might be in pain but somewhere, in your head you learn to deal with that because there's no other way to do it. But being the one that's healthy . . . it's so much harder. I mean, being there wanting to help the person you care about, person you love and yet not being able to do anything. Wanting to take away their pain but knowing they have to do that themselves or you have to rely on someone else to make that happen. I don't know if I could do that."

"Don't you see?" She smiled gently, leaning backwards a little, resting her hands on the other side of my legs. "You already have. For a long time."

"Huh?" I have?

"Tanya." She whispered and I understood. She was right. I had been on both sides of it and while ideally I'd like to be on neither, I knew which side of the fence I would rather be on. "You're amazing with her. That's one of the reasons you're so strong because you know what it's like to be in her position and yet you're there for her."

"She's my best friend." I whispered, meeting her eyes. "I don't have a choice."

"I know." She smile was small, kind, tentative as she linked our fingers again. She wrinkled her nose as she looked at my hand and I couldn't help but wonder. She must have noticed my raised eyebrow because she shook her head, chuckling gently. "Needles. I can't stand them. I know, I know, it's odd seeing as I've spent so much time in hospitals right?" I nodded, feeling a smile spreading across my own face. "I don't know, I just can't stand them."

"I don't even notice them anymore." I said and her expression shifted to one of sadness. "It's alright. It means that I don't have to be weirded out every time a nurse or doctor comes in brandishing one."

"So instead of running you're one of the ones that holds out their arm and tells them to get on with it while still doing whatever it is they're doing?" She asked and I nodded. That had been the situation more than once. I had been sat on the hospital bed, reading a magazine or watching television or doing something and the nurse had come in needing a sample so I had just stuck my arm out for her. They were used to it as well considering being poked and prodded by needles was an everyday occurrence around here. "Freak." She muttered and I laughed. She grinned back at me, seeming genuinely happy.

"Come here." I held out – well, tried to – my hand for her to move up next to me. She looked a little wary at first but I gave her a smile and she moved, settling next to me. She sat slightly higher up that I was and she wrapped her arm around my shoulders. I was sure it was supposed to be the other way around but I was comfortable at that point so I didn't really care.

I closed my eyes, resting my head on her shoulder as her fingers played with my hair and I couldn't remember being this relaxed in a while. Sure I might have been lying in a hospital bed, hazardous drugs pumping through my system at the moment and everything but I didn't really care about that. I didn't care about the beeping machines attached to me in some way or another. I didn't care about the chattering nurses that walked by the room at measured intervals, sometimes sticking their heads in to make sure everything was alright and that I wasn't wanting for anything. I didn't care that that Jane girl had seen I was in here and was again, giving me the stink-eye. I think that might have been from the way I had spoken to her a few days prior though. Not that she could doubt why I was in here now.

All I really cared about was the fact that I was here with Bella. That she hadn't run away when I'd told her I was sick. I remembered her asking about what to tell her friends. She insisted that they were 'our' friends but I didn't want to assume something that wasn't there.

_She sat there, sniffing gently as I told her about having relapsed. There were tears welling in her eyes as she processed what I'd told her. No one should have to live through going through leukaemia twice. I mean, yeah her cousin would have meant more to her than I did, but having to deal with all of that again, it's too much for one person to deal with._

"_Edward?" She whispered quietly, her eyes still firmly focused on the ground in front of us. I knew we should probably move because my ass was becoming numb from the cold curb. Who knew how cold she was? I wasn't going to ask her if her ass was cold though. To me, that wasn't something you asked a girl. More than one level of wrong._

"_Yeah?"_

"_What do I tell the guys?" She whispered, her large brown eyes locking with mine. "I mean, they're going to notice that you're not around and everything and there's no way I'm letting you go through this on your own."_

"_I won't be-"_

"_I know you've got your mom and dad and everything but . . . sometimes you need more than parents to be there for you. And that's what I'm going to do. What do I tell the guys?" She asked, a new determination in her voice._

"_Umm . . . . Emmett already knows." I whispered and she looked at me, shocked. "You remember when you guys all came over to my house, with the movies and stuff?" She nodded, looking confused. "He figured it out then, or just before. He remembered and recognised me from when he'd visited his mother on the ward. He'd remembered seeing me in one of the beds, going through chemo."_

"_What about the others?" She asked and I shook my head. "They don't know?"_

"_No." I sighed, running my hand through my hair wondering if I was doing the right thing by saying what I was about to. "If they ask where I am . . . tell them the truth."_

"_Really?"_

_I nodded, taking a deep breath. "Yeah, they've been completely honest with me so I owe them that much. Emmett already knows so he'd work it out immediately. I think . . . I think that I can trust them." I whispered and she smiled, nodding, taking my hand in her own._

And I could. I knew that now. They hadn't asked Bella where I was or anything like that as of yet, but I knew it would only be a matter of time.

I just hoped that my trust and faith wasn't misplaced.

. . . . . . . . .

_**I am participating in Fandom For Preemies this year. Being a preemie baby myself - 30 weeks - it is a cause close to my heart, because without foundations like this funding equipment and staff, there's a high chance I wouldn't be here now. My contribution consists of an outtake from Eternally Damned. As I know some of you reading this story have also read Eternally Damned I'm going to let you know that the outtake is the one everyone has been asking for:**_

_**Edward's change.**_

_**And for a mere $5 you can read it because it **_**will not_ be posted anywhere else. Ever. This will be your only chance to see it. Donations are being taken from the 1st November so if you want to find out what happened to Edward, donate some money and help some tiny preemies at the same time._**

**_You know you want to._**

**_Link to the Fandom for Preemies homepage is on my profile._**


	15. Chapter 15

**I'm so sorry to inform you lovely readers that this is not an update. This isn't twiXlite in fact! It's me Shelby0321! *****waives hand frantically at all you wonderful people**** ***

**My darling friend twi asked me to let you all know that she is down a laptop right now and cant update any of her stories, or answer your messages and reviews! I offered her mine but alas she is an ocean away! (I've seriously considered UPSing {****is that even a word?**** } mine to her. Seriously I need my Edward fix!) But don't you worry she has informed me that she has lots of notebooks**** {she's kickin it old school for the moment****} that she is diligently writing new chappies in! So if you want updates soon, please send money to PO Box..haha just kidding. (well not really if you would like to donate to a wonderful cause…and lets face it folks, Edward Cullen is in fact a wonderful cause!) Okay, so no on the money, but cross your fingers, rub your lucky trolls or do whatever that brings you good fortune so we will have our dear twi back soon! ;-)**

**Please don't review this because then you wont get to review the real chapter once it goes up! And that would just be sad! **

**And don't worry about the Edwards, I'm gonna take good care of them while she's gone. {wink wink}**

**{Edwards gulp and look around nervously} Hurry back twi!**


	16. TWCS

**_As I'm sure you're all aware FF is deleting stories like crazy and as you all know, I deal with various sensitive subjects within mine so I have a feeling that it's only a matter of time before mine fall victim to the cut._**

**_I'll be posting all of my stories on The Writer's Coffee Shop so if you create an account over there, you can read them all._**

**_I'll be continuing to post updates on here until there comes a time when FF decides it doesn't like me anymore and then they'll still be updated over at TWCS._**

**_I'll be rewriting 'Saving Edward', 'Alive Again' and 'Protecting Him' because I feel like my writing has changed in the three years I've been posting on here so keep an eye out._**

**_This chapter will be replaced with an actual update soon._**

**_See you over there!_**


End file.
